Where did it all go so terrible wrong for me?

[Deleted member 11126]

how would you say life is at an iq at 145 or throughout your childhood

When they test kids for IQ usually they bump up the score. IQ is a curve most 6-9 year olds are like 70 IQ so that would be the actual result but when they curve it the average is still 100. IQ always has to be average of 100 usually. So when you read about a 9 year old who tested 170 keep in mind they also add points because they predict it would be higher into adulthood. When you get to 16 the score you get is the score they use because your IQ will likely not increase dramatically from this point although with young kids it can vary a lot in just a few years so they often try to take age into account.

I have a bad memory of my childhood for a lot of it. I remember being more curious then other people and I would always ask people why things were a certain way. My parents were annoyed by this because every minute I would be asking them a question about something. That's the biggest trait I was curious about things all the time. I still am although less so... When I was super little I disliked reading but at around 8-9 I started reading Percy Jackson which got me addicted to Greek mythology and I would read about Rome/Greece constantly. Still have yet to surpass my love of reading at 10 my reading level was very high and I could actually enjoy books.

I literally haven't read a book in probably 5 years now. And if I do its more skimming then reading. I just use spark notes or skip through it and summarize it in my head haven't actually finished a book for pure enjoyment. Its possible the 145 score was just a fluke often times kids IQ scores are much different into adulthood because they add a lot of points to try to estimate where you will be at 16+. Same thing when doctors estimate your height they can be seriously off if you grew a lot. A 13 year old that grows 5 inches in a year could be estimated to be 6'4 by 18 but he could also just stop growing and be 5'8 forever. Same thing is true with IQ they are assuming it will increase and they try to find the equivalent score for when you are older

 

[Deleted member 11126]

My face was good before age 9 (although looking low prenatal T slightly), around 11 seems to have started issues and develop teeth crowding etc.

Proper development of anything is long term process and can fuck up at any time for whatever reason just gotta continue or die

Yeah mouth breathing ruined me... At least it didn't fuck up my eye area thats the one part of me that always stayed good.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Your high IQ fucked you up. You were smart enough to see how retarded most people are. At 145 IQ you cant relate to many people. At the same time people probably underestimated you because you looked like a little kid. Because you didnt want to get hurt you started to isolate more and more. Sadly you didnt have good parents, because they could have saved you and feed you the right foods. They probably fed you garbage food, so you felt sick and didnt want to eat any more. This then fucked up your growth and bone development in the face.

In short: You were unlucky + your parents made bad decisions.

And yes I agree so much that everything in life is momentum based. Literally one good friend could have saved you from isolation. Maybe if you had an older brother he could have saved you. A better mother wouldnt let you starve yourself.

Just dont blame yourself. At 10 years old this isnt your fault at all. You cant make your own decisions til your 16-20 yo. But now you can. So use your time wisely and make the best out of it.

Yeah I don't want to be too hard on my parents they did try... My mom told me later at one point she completely gave up on me. It was a negative feedback loop. The only way to break out was to ironically open myself up to hurt but that hurt was the only long term way out.

Spiraling into negative thoughts is pretty bad because the longer you think or act that way the more concrete it becomes. Another part of it was that I really had no hope for the next day I thought by 18 I would be dead anyways which was how I justified slowly killing myself. I'm surprised I'm not dead in some gutter by now.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

you probably become higher sentience. that tends to have a negative effect on all bluepilled measurements and activities. iq and gifted programs are cope, be glad you became smart enough to dodge those

Yeah being smart can be good but a depressed kid who is smart is not going to make good choices no matter how smart he is. I just had no hope or reason to try. Just cause your smart doesn't mean if you have bad situations you won't end up in a bad situation Chris Langan had a rough life despite all the intelligence in the world.

IQ isn't what people make it out to be... Its important on the lower levels but if your at least one SD above average anyone with good work ethic/head space can do fine. Average billionaire is only 133 so that should tell you how IQ really isn't linear benefits forever. Being 110-130 with good looks/social skills and nothing mentally wrong with you would probably be ideal and be the group of people with the most success/happiness. Anything beyond 130's you are gambling because it won't inherently make your life better and could make it worse. Also a lot of correlation between autism/adhd at these points usually people who end up with absurdly high IQ's have something wrong with them so its a trade off.

 

[poopoohead]

When they test kids for IQ usually they bump up the score. IQ is a curve most 6-9 year olds are like 70 IQ so that would be the actual result but when they curve it the average is still 100. IQ always has to be average of 100 usually. So when you read about a 9 year old who tested 170 keep in mind they also add points because they predict it would be higher into adulthood. When you get to 16 the score you get is the score they use because your IQ will likely not increase dramatically from this point although with young kids it can vary a lot in just a few years so they often try to take age into account.

I have a bad memory of my childhood for a lot of it. I remember being more curious then other people and I would always ask people why things were a certain way. My parents were annoyed by this because every minute I would be asking them a question about something. That's the biggest trait I was curious about things all the time. I still am although less so... When I was super little I disliked reading but at around 8-9 I started reading Percy Jackson which got me addicted to Greek mythology and I would read about Rome/Greece constantly. Still have yet to surpass my love of reading at 10 my reading level was very high and I could actually enjoy books.

I literally haven't read a book in probably 5 years now. And if I do its more skimming then reading. I just use spark notes or skip through it and summarize it in my head haven't actually finished a book for pure enjoyment. Its possible the 145 score was just a fluke often times kids IQ scores are much different into adulthood because they add a lot of points to try to estimate where you will be at 16+. Same thing when doctors estimate your height they can be seriously off if you grew a lot. A 13 year old that grows 5 inches in a year could be estimated to be 6'4 by 18 but he could also just stop growing and be 5'8 forever. Same thing is true with IQ they are assuming it will increase and they try to find the equivalent score for when you are older

I also was a percy jackson nerd when i was younger ayyyy. The series was fire ngl.

 

[Jarate]

At 10 I was tested 145 IQ(I got it retested recently and its 130 meaning I lost 15 IQ points) by a therapist and they were discussing entering me into a gifted school to make use of my talents. I was a good looking kid I even spoke better then I do now in old videos I had more charisma at 10 then I do now. At 10 years old I had a college reading level probably higher then it is now.

Something really weird happened between 10-13 and gradually I isolated myself from people. It started slowly and I became weirder and weirder. The more isolated I felt the less I wanted to leave my room. From 11-13 I hardly spoke a single word I even convinced teachers I was mute I would say one word a day at most to my mother and that was it. I refused to leave my room when I got home from school and I barely ate anything. I got sicker each day I was so pale and skinny I refused to even get a haircut and would cut it myself buzz cut style. This made the kids bully me more which in turn made me hide away in my room even more.

Some therapist nibba thought it was ADHD and put me on adderall this actually helped me because I had no motivation to do anything but it made the eating disorder I had worse (adderall kills appetite) before this I was barely eating at all but this made me eat even less I would pass out a lot at school because of this but still refused to eat because I was so disgusted by it. I believe eating so little delayed my growth and probably made me lose 3 inches of height I started puberty like 2 years later then most kids and was 5'4 till the last half of HS when I finally got a growth spurt. The 8 hours spent in my room also permanently fucked up my breathing I never mouth breathed before this but afterwards I did from laying in bed or sitting on my desk all day. And I got permanent dark circles from poor sleep and playing games in the dark. Also at this age I developed chronic acne so just so many bad factors at once.

I look at pictures before 11 and I'm unrecognizable after that it looks like a before and after to a warzone or a holocaust survivor. I looked like such a sweet kid. I managed to start eating food and got 5 hours of sleep a night (I know thats still bad but before it was more like 2-3) I lift weights now I look a lot better and don't have the acne anymore but I still have to wonder how things could have taken such a bad turn. Is this all my fault or my parents for not getting me out of this situation. It just sucks and I never can escape the years of loneliness either even with friends around as soon as I go in my bed alone the thoughts return the abyss stared back at me.

basically griffith before being tortured and after.
I was / am basically in the same situation. This will get better but there are things that won't be able to be fixed without surgery, for example your gonial angle / chin if you had trash mouth habits.
Were you a porn addict ? Very important factor too

 

[Deleted member 11126]

basically griffith before being tortured and after.
I was / am basically in the same situation. This will get better but there are things that won't be able to be fixed without surgery, for example your gonial angle / chin if you had trash mouth habits.
Were you a porn addict ? Very important factor too

I did read a lot of porn stuff. Like a lot of rape stories at 11... I started puberty very late so I wasn't jerking off but I did watch quite a bit of porn and read some of the most graphic stuff imaginable.


Also good eye thats one of the reasons I always like Griffith his character reminds me a lot of myself. I have so much hatred in me after surviving I will be similar to him after getting the wings I relate a lot to that feeling. Only people who have never been seriously alienated or harmed don't understand Griffith's motivations after the torture.

 

[Jarate]

I did read a lot of porn stuff. Like a lot of rape stories at 11... I started puberty very late so I wasn't jerking off but I did watch quite a bit of porn and read some of the most graphic stuff imaginable.


Also good eye thats one of the reasons I always like Griffith his character reminds me a lot of myself. I have so much hatred in me after surviving I will be similar to him after getting the wings I relate a lot to that feeling. Only people who have never been seriously alienated or harmed don't understand Griffith's motivations after the torture.

basically after guts parted ways he "relapsed" because he let external factors affect him, to put it simply if he didn't coom out of frustration things would have been different
but we can't morph into a javked demigod so better to aspire to be like the golden age griffith and stay at top by controlling our reactions to setbacks

 

[Deleted member 11126]

basically after guts parted ways he "relapsed" because he let external factors affect him, to put it simply if he didn't coom out of frustration things would have been different
but we can't morph into a javked demigod so better to aspire to be like the golden age griffith and stay at top by controlling our reactions to setbacks

So basically become a Machiavellian pragmatist?

 

[Jarate]

So basically become a Machiavellian pragmatist?

kind of, we have to make up for the time "wasted" in order to ascend mentally and physically, yourself should be your main priority for a couple of years while ascending socially at the same time

 

[Deleted member 11126]

kind of, we have to make up for the time "wasted" in order to ascend mentally and physically, yourself should be your main priority for a couple of years while ascending socially at the same time

Yeah I think with 2 years of effort I can change my situation permanently

 

[Deleted member 20452]

@Thompsonz is in 150-160 range i believe, but is turbo lazy and aspie. Feel sad for people like him