Where did it all go so terrible wrong for me?

[Deleted member 11126]

At 10 I was tested 145 IQ(I got it retested recently and its 130 meaning I lost 15 IQ points) by a therapist and they were discussing entering me into a gifted school to make use of my talents. I was a good looking kid I even spoke better then I do now in old videos I had more charisma at 10 then I do now. At 10 years old I had a college reading level probably higher then it is now.

Something really weird happened between 10-13 and gradually I isolated myself from people. It started slowly and I became weirder and weirder. The more isolated I felt the less I wanted to leave my room. From 11-13 I hardly spoke a single word I even convinced teachers I was mute I would say one word a day at most to my mother and that was it. I refused to leave my room when I got home from school and I barely ate anything. I got sicker each day I was so pale and skinny I refused to even get a haircut and would cut it myself buzz cut style. This made the kids bully me more which in turn made me hide away in my room even more.

Some therapist nibba thought it was ADHD and put me on adderall this actually helped me because I had no motivation to do anything but it made the eating disorder I had worse (adderall kills appetite) before this I was barely eating at all but this made me eat even less I would pass out a lot at school because of this but still refused to eat because I was so disgusted by it. I believe eating so little delayed my growth and probably made me lose 3 inches of height I started puberty like 2 years later then most kids and was 5'4 till the last half of HS when I finally got a growth spurt. The 8 hours spent in my room also permanently fucked up my breathing I never mouth breathed before this but afterwards I did from laying in bed or sitting on my desk all day. And I got permanent dark circles from poor sleep and playing games in the dark. Also at this age I developed chronic acne so just so many bad factors at once.

I look at pictures before 11 and I'm unrecognizable after that it looks like a before and after to a warzone or a holocaust survivor. I looked like such a sweet kid. I managed to start eating food and got 5 hours of sleep a night (I know thats still bad but before it was more like 2-3) I lift weights now I look a lot better and don't have the acne anymore but I still have to wonder how things could have taken such a bad turn. Is this all my fault or my parents for not getting me out of this situation. It just sucks and I never can escape the years of loneliness either even with friends around as soon as I go in my bed alone the thoughts return the abyss stared back at me.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

How did I go from a genius good looking kid that every parent was jealous of to a spiteful autistic weirdo with nothing but regret and revenge on my mind


I remember going to kids houses and their mothers would say "why can't you be like anon". I ran into an old buddy at 15 and he didn't even recognize me because I had degenerated so much. My old friends or people I knew would often pretend they didn't know me or maybe I really was forgotten...

 

[Prince charming]

A mixture of poor choices, bad mentality and not socializing enough

 

[Deleted member 11126]

A mixture of poor choices, bad mentality and not socializing enough

Yeah I wish someone had pulled me out of that situation by the time I did get out the damage had already been done... Its tragic to think at 10 years old I have a better grasp on people then I do now.

 

[Prince charming]

Yeah I wish someone had pulled me out of that situation by the time I did get out the damage had already been done... Its tragic to think at 10 years old I have a better grasp on people then I do now.

It’s not over it’s never to late to bounce back

 

[Deleted member 11126]

It’s not over it’s never to late to bounce back

Yeah I guess I have to bite the bullet but the more I think about this the more angry I become. I am no longer helpless and trapped I feel angry more so then sad.

 

[Prince charming]

Yeah I guess I have to bite the bullet but the more I think about this the more angry I become. I am no longer helpless and trapped I feel angry more so then sad.

Why do you feel angry

 

[Growth Plate]

At 10 I was tested 145 IQ(I got it retested recently and its 130 meaning I lost 15 IQ points) by a therapist

brain development stunted due to inceldom

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Why do you feel angry

Did you read the first post... How could you not be angry and spiteful if something like that had happened to you 5 years of being isolated and just complete descending into the pits of hell

 

[Deleted member 11126]

brain development stunted due to inceldom

Inceldom and loneliness really does cause brain damage in my opinion.

 

[Growth Plate]

anon

 

[Growth Plate]

Inceldom and loneliness really does cause brain damage in my opinion.

anorexia is known to actually cause brain damage. you should know this by now

 

[Deleted member 11126]

anorexia is known to actually cause brain damage. you should know this by now

Yeah I think it also stunted my physically I should have been 6'1... Instead I am 5'10

 

[Growth Plate]

Yeah I think it also stunted my physically I should have been 6'1... Instead I am 5'10

you said your puberty was delayed. as long as you weren't anorexic during puberty, you shouldn't even worry about that

 

[Deleted member 11126]

you said your puberty was delayed. as long as you weren't anorexic during puberty, you shouldn't even worry about that

I hit puberty hard at 16-17 most kids hit it at like 14. I still am going through it rn kind of at 19

 

[Deleted member 11126]

@

@FailedNormieManlet
@

@Xangsane
@

@8PSLcel
@

@Vermilioncore
@

@ArvidGustavsson
@

@Ritalincel
@

@Tallooksmaxxer
@

@FreakkForLife
@

@disillusioned
@

@forevergymcelling
@

@Leonardo DiCaprio
@

@AscendingHero

Is it over?

 

[Growth Plate]

I hit puberty hard at 16-17 most kids hit it at like 14. I still am going through it rn kind of at 19

hitting it at 14 is late puberty, 16-17 is VERY late
most guys stop growing at 16/17
most kids hit it at 12/13

 

[Deleted member 11126]

hitting it at 14 is late puberty, 16-17 is VERY late
most guys stop growing at 16/17
most kids hit it at 12/13

I couldn't even produce semen till like 15 is that weird?

 

[Growth Plate]

I couldn't even produce semen till like 15 is that weird?

yes, every guy in my grade when I was 13 were giga coomers
but this only started at 13

 

[Deleted member 11126]

yes, every guy in my grade when I was 13 were giga coomers
but this only started at 13

I still looked at porn when I was 12+ but I couldn't jerk off and finish till like 15

 

[Growth Plate]

I still looked at porn when I was 12+ but I couldn't jerk off and finish till like 15

obv late bloomer

 

[Deleted member 11126]

obv late bloomer

Gives me some hope although I'm 19 now so its probably all done maybe my plates aren't fused yet

 

[Growth Plate]

Gives me some hope although I'm 19 now so its probably all done maybe my plates aren't fused yet

if you haven't grown the past year then yeah obviously it's over

 

[Deleted member 11126]

if you haven't grown the past year then yeah obviously it's over

Because of @FreakkForLife I will be getting my plates xrayed so we will see.

Its possible they could still be open I want to be 6'1

 

[Deleted member 17791]

@

@FailedNormieManlet
@

@Xangsane
@

@8PSLcel
@

@Vermilioncore
@

@ArvidGustavsson
@

@Ritalincel
@

@Tallooksmaxxer
@

@FreakkForLife
@

@disillusioned
@

@forevergymcelling
@

@Leonardo DiCaprio
@

@AscendingHero

Is it over?

not yet boyos

 

[Chinacurry]

Yeah I guess I have to bite the bullet but the more I think about this the more angry I become. I am no longer helpless and trapped I feel angry more so then sad.

what do u do now? hobbies? work? dating?

 

[Deleted member 17791]

At 10 I was tested 145 IQ(I got it retested recently and its 130 meaning I lost 15 IQ points) by a therapist and they were discussing entering me into a gifted school to make use of my talents. I was a good looking kid I even spoke better then I do now in old videos I had more charisma at 10 then I do now. At 10 years old I had a college reading level probably higher then it is now.

Something really weird happened between 10-13 and gradually I isolated myself from people. It started slowly and I became weirder and weirder. The more isolated I felt the less I wanted to leave my room. From 11-13 I hardly spoke a single word I even convinced teachers I was mute I would say one word a day at most to my mother and that was it. I refused to leave my room when I got home from school and I barely ate anything. I got sicker each day I was so pale and skinny I refused to even get a haircut and would cut it myself buzz cut style. This made the kids bully me more which in turn made me hide away in my room even more.

Some therapist nibba thought it was ADHD and put me on adderall this actually helped me because I had no motivation to do anything but it made the eating disorder I had worse (adderall kills appetite) before this I was barely eating at all but this made me eat even less I would pass out a lot at school because of this but still refused to eat because I was so disgusted by it. I believe eating so little delayed my growth and probably made me lose 3 inches of height I started puberty like 2 years later then most kids and was 5'4 till the last half of HS when I finally got a growth spurt. The 8 hours spent in my room also permanently fucked up my breathing I never mouth breathed before this but afterwards I did from laying in bed or sitting on my desk all day. And I got permanent dark circles from poor sleep and playing games in the dark. Also at this age I developed chronic acne so just so many bad factors at once.

I look at pictures before 11 and I'm unrecognizable after that it looks like a before and after to a warzone or a holocaust survivor. I looked like such a sweet kid. I managed to start eating food and got 5 hours of sleep a night (I know thats still bad but before it was more like 2-3) I lift weights now I look a lot better and don't have the acne anymore but I still have to wonder how things could have taken such a bad turn. Is this all my fault or my parents for not getting me out of this situation. It just sucks and I never can escape the years of loneliness either even with friends around as soon as I go in my bed alone the thoughts return the abyss stared back at me.

wtf.

 

[Gonthar]

Something similar happened to me and the reason was pretty obvious - I became too smart, and normies were simply boring and dumb, I didn't isolate though, but I started to hang out with other nerds who were also lacking social skills, and we talked about science, technology, movies, video games, etc...
After a while I became inhibited around normal people - what the hell do you even talk with them about, they're just gonna stare at you like you're a freak if you mention some subjects they have no idea about.

 

[Deleted member 17525]

High iq = social death sentence

 

[J o r o]

When did it all wrong. The Apple that you could or could have not eaten. Coulda shoulda woulda.

Oh boy. I understand the curse of the past. And the curse of the mind. Only path is be better everyday. Looks shall set you free.

Unfortunately, you were born with a susceptible brain. And you spiraled down. Just like me.

 

[FreakkForLife]

.

 

[FreakkForLife]

Because of @FreakkForLife I will be getting my plates xrayed so we will see.

Its possible they could still be open I want to be 6'1

I faced something similar too from 14-16.

But now i am as good as i was before 14,even better in some ways

 

[FreakkForLife]

⁰

At 10 I was tested 145 IQ(I got it retested recently and its 130 meaning I lost 15 IQ points) by a therapist and they were discussing entering me into a gifted school to make use of my talents. I was a good looking kid I even spoke better then I do now in old videos I had more charisma at 10 then I do now. At 10 years old I had a college reading level probably higher then it is now.

Something really weird happened between 10-13 and gradually I isolated myself from people. It started slowly and I became weirder and weirder. The more isolated I felt the less I wanted to leave my room. From 11-13 I hardly spoke a single word I even convinced teachers I was mute I would say one word a day at most to my mother and that was it. I refused to leave my room when I got home from school and I barely ate anything. I got sicker each day I was so pale and skinny I refused to even get a haircut and would cut it myself buzz cut style. This made the kids bully me more which in turn made me hide away in my room even more.

Some therapist nibba thought it was ADHD and put me on adderall this actually helped me because I had no motivation to do anything but it made the eating disorder I had worse (adderall kills appetite) before this I was barely eating at all but this made me eat even less I would pass out a lot at school because of this but still refused to eat because I was so disgusted by it. I believe eating so little delayed my growth and probably made me lose 3 inches of height I started puberty like 2 years later then most kids and was 5'4 till the last half of HS when I finally got a growth spurt. The 8 hours spent in my room also permanently fucked up my breathing I never mouth breathed before this but afterwards I did from laying in bed or sitting on my desk all day. And I got permanent dark circles from poor sleep and playing games in the dark. Also at this age I developed chronic acne so just so many bad factors at once.

I look at pictures before 11 and I'm unrecognizable after that it looks like a before and after to a warzone or a holocaust survivor. I looked like such a sweet kid. I managed to start eating food and got 5 hours of sleep a night (I know thats still bad but before it was more like 2-3) I lift weights now I look a lot better and don't have the acne anymore but I still have to wonder how things could have taken such a bad turn. Is this all my fault or my parents for not getting me out of this situation. It just sucks and I never can escape the years of loneliness either even with friends around as soon as I go in my bed alone the thoughts return the abyss stared back at me.

I think Some American parents are too non-interfering and unconcerned about their children's lives and future which makes some of them take bad routes and decisions

 

[disillusioned]

"Where did it go wrong?"

In the womb.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

what do u do now? hobbies? work? dating?

Now things are better everyday I lift or hang out with at least one friend. And I am taking online college classes for cheap planning on transferring to a state school next year.

And no girls I did have one a year ago cause of a fluke but no since luck

 

[Deleted member 11126]

not yet boyos
View attachment 1743698

wtf.

After reading this would you say its over man honestly?

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Something similar happened to me and the reason was pretty obvious - I became too smart, and normies were simply boring and dumb, I didn't isolate though, but I started to hang out with other nerds who were also lacking social skills, and we talked about science, technology, movies, video games, etc...
After a while I became inhibited around normal people - what the hell do you even talk with them about, they're just gonna stare at you like you're a freak if you mention some subjects they have no idea about.

That's probably part of it although I didn't only talk to smart people I refused to talk with anyone because of bullying. Also when I had no friends I saw no reason to care about my appearance it was a negative feedback loop for me.

I can talk with normies today after working a year in retail I just mention TV references occasionally some normal people appreciate it when you say smart things just use your intelligence to solve people's problems and they will like you

 

[Deleted member 11126]

High iq = social death sentence

It for sure decreases the amount of viable friends you can have... I'm kinda glad I lost 15 IQ points although I was less autistic for sure.

When did it all wrong. The Apple that you could or could have not eaten. Coulda shoulda woulda.

Oh boy. I understand the curse of the past. And the curse of the mind. Only path is be better everyday. Looks shall set you free.

Unfortunately, you were born with a susceptible brain. And you spiraled down. Just like me.

I should probably remove this thought from my head because the more I think about this the angrier I become. I want to spite all the people in my life who let me rot just let me lay there and die no one helped me out. People often ask me why I am so cruel but I just do onto others as they did to me no one helped me when I was in the deepest pits of hell I had to save myself I hate these people so much. Its what keeps me going the hate and spite I feel towards people motivates me.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

.

I faced something similar too from 14-16.

But now i am as good as i was before 14,even better in some ways

I doubt I will ever have as much promise as I had at 10-11. I got my first kiss at 10 it took me another 8 years to touch a girl again.

⁰

I think Some American parents are too non-interfering and unconcerned about their children's lives and future which makes some of them take bad routes and decisions

My mother did try to help me but eventually they gave up and let me isolate. I wish she had tried harder or forced me to be around people. I more so blame my peers for bullying me when I was at my worst. It reinforced what I believed about people and made me isolate inward completely

 

[Deleted member 16861]

You developed a schizoid personality disorder

 

[Deleted member 11126]

You developed a schizoid personality disorder

Whats that?

 

[Deleted member 16861]

Whats that?

in short, schizoids are people who dont seek out interaction with other humans. Google it

 

[Incellectually_Shy]

.

Thank you. I shall oblige:

At 10 I was tested 145 IQ(I got it retested recently and its 130 meaning I lost 15 IQ points) by a therapist and they were discussing entering me into a gifted school to make use of my talents. I was a good looking kid I even spoke better then I do now in old videos I had more charisma at 10 then I do now. At 10 years old I had a college reading level probably higher then it is now.

You remind me...of myself. When I was a young child, I became deeply invested in STEM. I started to like Microbiology, HIV, cancer, and scripting languages.

I have a brain lesion, resulting in Dyscalculia and NLD. When I was a young child, I also received academic excellence certificates. However, Mother chose to home-school me due to my ASD symptoms and domestic violence experiences. I ended up spending my time reading dictionaries, medical books, digital encyclopedias and searching for medical information online since Mother was often too busy violently arguing with her husband to help me.

No...My natural intelligence entitles me to a chance with STEM. When I learned to script with flag states as a young child and read dictionaries, I had no friends or parents to help me. I was bullied.

My older cousin has a Sociology degree. His sister, meanwhile, is barely finished with her community college degree. While she spent time playing with other kids in her youth, I was able to read dictionaries and encyclopedias at the age of six.

Allow me to join this lovely discussion.

As a young child, my reading ability greatly exceeded that of my Black/White peers. This is despite receiving little education from Mother besides simple hand-writing exercises. I'd read dictionaries, Wikipedia articles, health manuals, news articles. I even recall gazing at some of my paternal grandparents' encyclopedia volumes.

When I took the drug "Vyvanse", I became very much aware of my true verbal ability:

Something really weird happened between 10-13 and gradually I isolated myself from people. It started slowly and I became weirder and weirder. The more isolated I felt the less I wanted to leave my room. From 11-13 I hardly spoke a single word I even convinced teachers I was mute I would say one word a day at most to my mother and that was it. I refused to leave my room when I got home from school and I barely ate anything. I got sicker each day I was so pale and skinny I refused to even get a haircut and would cut it myself buzz cut style. This made the kids bully me more which in turn made me hide away in my room even more.

Re: Why Are Neuro-Typical Individuals So Strange? Moronism Join Date: 2010-02-08 Post Count: 451 #182847324Monday, February 01, 2016 3:54 PM CST "come on man, the public has a hard enough time understanding and empathizing with mental illness already, don't make it worse for people that are actually suffering by trying to pull some strange character online." I would not necessarily consider my condition as purely a mental-illness, given that I suffer from neurological symptoms as well. Although, I prefer to focus on the social aspects. I am genuinely interested in understanding why I continue to receive aggression seemingly-narcissistic individuals. I have not attempted to insult said individuals nor have I patronized in the same manner that they often patronize me, which is why I am so upset. Whether you believe my claims is a matter of personal opinion. I only desire an objectively-valid, logical answer. Is the "hard enough time understanding and empathizing with mental illness" that you described a factor within the situation? Regardless of your opinion regarding my suffering, if you explain to me why this constantly occurs despite my lack of aggression towards those individuals, I will be very grateful for your efforts. After-all, I can somewhat understand why you would be so skeptical, given the anonymity provided by the Internet. more_horiz

I look at pictures before 11 and I'm unrecognizable after that it looks like a before and after to a warzone or a holocaust survivor. I looked like such a sweet kid. I managed to start eating food and got 5 hours of sleep a night (I know thats still bad but before it was more like 2-3) I lift weights now I look a lot better and don't have the acne anymore but I still have to wonder how things could have taken such a bad turn. Is this all my fault or my parents for not getting me out of this situation. It just sucks and I never can escape the years of loneliness either even with friends around as soon as I go in my bed alone the thoughts return the abyss stared back at me.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Thank you. I shall oblige:



You remind me...of myself. When I was a young child, I became deeply invested in STEM. I started to like Microbiology, HIV, cancer, and scripting languages.

I have a brain lesion, resulting in Dyscalculia and NLD. When I was a young child, I also received academic excellence certificates. However, Mother chose to home-school me due to my ASD symptoms and domestic violence experiences. I ended up spending my time reading dictionaries, medical books, digital encyclopedias and searching for medical information online since Mother was often too busy violently arguing with her husband to help me.

View attachment 1744481

Re: Why Are Neuro-Typical Individuals So Strange? Moronism Join Date: 2010-02-08 Post Count: 451 #182847324Monday, February 01, 2016 3:54 PM CST "come on man, the public has a hard enough time understanding and empathizing with mental illness already, don't make it worse for people that are actually suffering by trying to pull some strange character online." I would not necessarily consider my condition as purely a mental-illness, given that I suffer from neurological symptoms as well. Although, I prefer to focus on the social aspects. I am genuinely interested in understanding why I continue to receive aggression seemingly-narcissistic individuals. I have not attempted to insult said individuals nor have I patronized in the same manner that they often patronize me, which is why I am so upset. Whether you believe my claims is a matter of personal opinion. I only desire an objectively-valid, logical answer. Is the "hard enough time understanding and empathizing with mental illness" that you described a factor within the situation? Regardless of your opinion regarding my suffering, if you explain to me why this constantly occurs despite my lack of aggression towards those individuals, I will be very grateful for your efforts. After-all, I can somewhat understand why you would be so skeptical, given the anonymity provided by the Internet. more_horiz

View attachment 1744475

This made me think of another reason why you see non NT or ugly people turn out so badly. Everything in this world is momentum based whether it be positive or negative if you are really fucked in one area it will seep into everything. You could be a genius but if you have no friends and were bullied for years you will probably end up worse off then a kid who has healthy friends. Because I was not well off with friends it caused me to also be worse in other ways. I had no reason to try or learn in school I had no hope for the future I thought I would be dead by 18 when I was 12 because everyday I was on the brink of ending it.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

in short, schizoids are people who dont seek out interaction with other humans. Google it

I for sure am more apathetic to people then I used to. Its hard to say whether isolation caused me to become apathetic I was very lonely for a long time I just felt lonely around people. Its weird to explain it but I felt rejected constantly when I was around people more so then when I was by myself

 

[Deleted member 17791]

After reading this would you say its over man honestly?

sounds bad, I think it's possible to recover social skills so not over

 

[ChristianChad]

My face was good before age 9 (although looking low prenatal T slightly), around 11 seems to have started issues and develop teeth crowding etc.

Proper development of anything is long term process and can fuck up at any time for whatever reason just gotta continue or die

 

[poopoohead]

how would you say life is at an iq at 145 or throughout your childhood

 

[Raxflex]

Your high IQ fucked you up. You were smart enough to see how retarded most people are. At 145 IQ you cant relate to many people. At the same time people probably underestimated you because you looked like a little kid. Because you didnt want to get hurt you started to isolate more and more. Sadly you didnt have good parents, because they could have saved you and feed you the right foods. They probably fed you garbage food, so you felt sick and didnt want to eat any more. This then fucked up your growth and bone development in the face.

In short: You were unlucky + your parents made bad decisions.

And yes I agree so much that everything in life is momentum based. Literally one good friend could have saved you from isolation. Maybe if you had an older brother he could have saved you. A better mother wouldnt let you starve yourself.

Just dont blame yourself. At 10 years old this isnt your fault at all. You cant make your own decisions til your 16-20 yo. But now you can. So use your time wisely and make the best out of it.

 

[looksmaxxed]

you probably become higher sentience. that tends to have a negative effect on all bluepilled measurements and activities. iq and gifted programs are cope, be glad you became smart enough to dodge those