M
miawmiaw67
Iron
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2025
- Posts
- 25
- Reputation
- 25
I’m 13 in 8th grade and no one seems to really like me or want to socially interact with me. I have friends and i’m kind of? popular i guess but every 2-3 days they do something like ignoring what i say or somethin that just makes me question our friendship. I can’t make genuine friends because i have adhd and other disorders and I mask my emotions a lot and switch personalities. Whenever I see someone with a genuine friend it makes me sad. i’d say I’m pretty above average looking. I’m also kinda tall for my age being 5’8, and have a good physique being lean with some muscle due to weights, and I’m athletic and play soccer. Yet no one actually wants to talk to me except like 2 people i think. I try to make my dad proud but he has his own problems and doesn’t like me either. My mom likes me but she has little to no EQ and has a series of issues. Maybe its because I used to get made fun of somewhat? or be undermined because i was really ugly a few years ago and had a really bad lisp, which I still have a lisp, but getting a deeper voice+spending hours on yt videos abt hiding it hides it. I’ve cut myself cuz of seeing it online but that doesn’t really help. i had a really good diet but messed it up bad a month ago and went back to being dehydrated and starving eating slop daily. i have a horrid sleep schedule again too. I’ve had thoughts of commiting suicide ever since I was like, 9, but I didn’t tell my parents because they would beat me a lot. i’m still really insecure about my looks. romantically, no one really likes me i think. Im really bad at talking to girls. i can get crushes but I never act on them because if I did get with them (which I dont have the social skills) they’d probably only like me for my looks, which I cant blame them for, but I want a genuine friend or girlfriend. also, when they are genuine and I have a crush on them, I still mess it up because i literally have no social skills again and i can’t hold eye contact for 2 seconds without feeling inferior. I’d say I’m kind of intelligent, I like history and war and science a lot but I dont rlly show that part of me to anyone in school because I’d get made fun of or be called weird. i try to be nice and funny and outgoing in school but something happens like getting ignored by my own friends and i just cant. and again, about crushes, currently i got a crush but i ainy gonna approach them even though we’re friendds and they talk to me and stuff and she laughs at my jokes and thinks im funny, but i know that we’re probably never gonna become anything more because of my horrid social skills and even when I’m social and outgoing (only in certain classes i have some friends in but with my horrible schedule i have barely any classes i have friends in) I can hold eye contact rarely and i dont know what to say. also a few years ago i would experience racism a lot for having brown skin back in 6th grade and some elementary, adn got made fun of girls for it to and for being ugly, which really destroyed my confidence even if I’m above average now. I dont think I’ll kms anytime soon, but I really feel like it and I dont like feeling like it. And it all stems from people just not liking me in general. I try my best to be nice, to be kind, to be friendly, to not leave people out, to not judge people for their looks or ethnicity, yet no one reciprocrates it-not my friends, not family, not strangers, not anyone. And, its a day before halloween, and absolutely no one has invited me to anything or has even talked to me about it or wanted to go with me. so I’m probably not gonna do halloween either and will probably just play soccer or something in my room and play videogames. I wish I wasn’t genetically predisposed to mental disorders and was the same as everyone else. I wish i had a better family and environment back when I was a kid so I didn’t mess myself up more. I wish I had the social skills to even talk to people let alone girls. I wish I wasn’t insecure for stuff in the past. I wish I wasn’t sleep deprived, dehydrated, and bad dieted each day even when I try my hardest. I wish people liked me. i’d trade my looks and height and everything just to have genuine friends.
