AlexAP
Kraken
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
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A lot of people say "Kids are too expensive in todays age!", or even "It was possible for one man to provide for his family, now two incomes are not enough!"
I call this cope. It's possible today in the West to have no income at all and have multiple kids and a decent living standard. At least in Germany, you get so much welfare money when you have kids that you can live comfortably. You even have the right to get a bigger apartment if you have many kids, I'm not kidding. And of course, you don't have to live from welfare. You can actually work and get all the welfare money for kids on top of your salary (everyone with kids gets it). Then you can have a very good living standard.
Another cope is "Kids are very stressful. With modern contraception methods, people want to wait longer and enjoy more of their free time." It's absurd. My parents had four kids, and my father said that having a dog is more stressful than having kids jfl. Maybe kids are extremely stressful for helicopter parents, but if you just let them be it's certainly not like the end of your life. Remember that the majority of parents wants to have another kid right after they have their first one.
The most stupid cope is "It's because of feminism, women focus too long on their career." It's a myth that women didn't work before feminism and now are all making big careers. The only big difference between today and the time before feminism is that the number of women who went to college grew after 1950, but it's not really the reason why so many delay having kids until 30+. Because still, half of all women don't go to college or university and the ones who do finish around 25. Another reason to not believe the theory of feminism is that many countries without strong feminist culture have very low birth rates, like Russia, Iran or Brazil.
The real reason imo is:
Men and women aren't satisified with the partners they can have.
In short, people today are way more focused on love and emotional connection than before. Before 1970, and especially before 1950, most men and women just wanted a young person with a good personality who wanted to have kids and was ready to work to make it happen. People didn't see marriage as the sole source for romantic, sexual, social and financial needs. It was mostly for financial needs and for raising kids. Romance was a nice to have, and haveing extramarital sexual relationships wasn't that uncommon for both genders. People still stayed married.
Today, men and women want to marry someone who solely fulfills all needs they have. Of course, this is very difficult. Even when people are in happy relationships, they still think "Maybe I could find someone better, I shouldn't marry and have kids yet." Many men don't want to marry before 30 because of the great hope that everything will get better after 30. Women have endless options and think they can wait, because there's still "something missing" with their partners. The result: A lot end up having kids after 30 or not at all, as they will miss the window of opportunity.
Marriage before 1950 = Financial security and good personality
Marriage today = Financial security, good personality, good looks, sexual compatibility, interesting hobbies, feeling "the spark"
But why do people today have so much higher standards for a partner that makes them wait for 30+ to settle down? I think it's because of the culture and urbanization.
There is a much higher emphasis on romance in todays age than ever before. Marrying for love is an universal goal for men and women, at least in the West, and that's something new. Same with the fact that extramarial affairs are seen as inacceptable, which wasn't the case even a few decades ago. And with urbanization all over the world and people having more contact with more people, they think they could find the perfect spouse at some place if they wait long enough. When people lived in rural areas, the number of potential partners was obviously limited and people settled down earlier.
TL;DR: It's not because kids are too expensive or too stressful today and it's not because of women are too focused on their careers, it's because men and women aren't satisfied with the partners they can have and prefer to wait until 30+.
I call this cope. It's possible today in the West to have no income at all and have multiple kids and a decent living standard. At least in Germany, you get so much welfare money when you have kids that you can live comfortably. You even have the right to get a bigger apartment if you have many kids, I'm not kidding. And of course, you don't have to live from welfare. You can actually work and get all the welfare money for kids on top of your salary (everyone with kids gets it). Then you can have a very good living standard.
Another cope is "Kids are very stressful. With modern contraception methods, people want to wait longer and enjoy more of their free time." It's absurd. My parents had four kids, and my father said that having a dog is more stressful than having kids jfl. Maybe kids are extremely stressful for helicopter parents, but if you just let them be it's certainly not like the end of your life. Remember that the majority of parents wants to have another kid right after they have their first one.
The most stupid cope is "It's because of feminism, women focus too long on their career." It's a myth that women didn't work before feminism and now are all making big careers. The only big difference between today and the time before feminism is that the number of women who went to college grew after 1950, but it's not really the reason why so many delay having kids until 30+. Because still, half of all women don't go to college or university and the ones who do finish around 25. Another reason to not believe the theory of feminism is that many countries without strong feminist culture have very low birth rates, like Russia, Iran or Brazil.
The real reason imo is:
Men and women aren't satisified with the partners they can have.
In short, people today are way more focused on love and emotional connection than before. Before 1970, and especially before 1950, most men and women just wanted a young person with a good personality who wanted to have kids and was ready to work to make it happen. People didn't see marriage as the sole source for romantic, sexual, social and financial needs. It was mostly for financial needs and for raising kids. Romance was a nice to have, and haveing extramarital sexual relationships wasn't that uncommon for both genders. People still stayed married.
Today, men and women want to marry someone who solely fulfills all needs they have. Of course, this is very difficult. Even when people are in happy relationships, they still think "Maybe I could find someone better, I shouldn't marry and have kids yet." Many men don't want to marry before 30 because of the great hope that everything will get better after 30. Women have endless options and think they can wait, because there's still "something missing" with their partners. The result: A lot end up having kids after 30 or not at all, as they will miss the window of opportunity.
Marriage before 1950 = Financial security and good personality
Marriage today = Financial security, good personality, good looks, sexual compatibility, interesting hobbies, feeling "the spark"
But why do people today have so much higher standards for a partner that makes them wait for 30+ to settle down? I think it's because of the culture and urbanization.
There is a much higher emphasis on romance in todays age than ever before. Marrying for love is an universal goal for men and women, at least in the West, and that's something new. Same with the fact that extramarial affairs are seen as inacceptable, which wasn't the case even a few decades ago. And with urbanization all over the world and people having more contact with more people, they think they could find the perfect spouse at some place if they wait long enough. When people lived in rural areas, the number of potential partners was obviously limited and people settled down earlier.
TL;DR: It's not because kids are too expensive or too stressful today and it's not because of women are too focused on their careers, it's because men and women aren't satisfied with the partners they can have and prefer to wait until 30+.