fvolkek
Diamond
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2021
- Posts
- 1,264
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- 1,407
Hey guys, I haven't posted here in a while but I need your advice to help me in a bunch of ways. It's related to egomaxxing, NTmaxxing and whatnot, because I know that in terms of looks I can't do anything, yeah, I've swallowed the blackpill already.
Anyway, so to introduce myself, I'm 15, I'm a truecel and I live in Argentina, so sorry if I make any grammar or writing mistakes. I've been lurking on these forums for a while, I had posted the rating thing just out of curiosity, I look much better in those pictures that what I actually do by the way. I know that in terms of face I'm a 2/10, especially now with acne; but in terms of body I would probably be an 8/10 for my age if it wasn't because of my crappy posture, but who cares tbh. I barely have actual friends, I never get invited to go out and it goes without saying that I'm a KHHV.
I also live in an unhealthy family environment although love them. But for the stated reasons I'm low-key destroyed psychologically and have incredibly low self-esteem -- not only people here have told me that, but also various people irl. And I'm also kinda struggling with depression since late-2020 but have suffered from it several times before as well, never in a suicidal way though -- neither now -- and here's why.
I've been coping throughout my teenage years with "one day I'll be successful and all my depression will fade away" or "one day I will be much more attractive when I grow up, I'm only insert age". I literally base my personality on being 'intellectual' and been praised as such by teachers and classmates, even foids but it's usually to ask me stuff lol. But that's because I know a lot about useless stuff and I'm sometimes a fraud, in other words I'm a pseudo.
So I've been pressuring myself to be successful in terms of status and economy, otherwise, I would kill myself because my life would be worthless. Thus I've been autistically reading tons of books on mostly entrepreneurship in my free time (I've read 6 non-fiction books so far in 2021); learning calculus, computer science, photoshop, piano, SEO, trading, chess and other possibly useful stuff.
So, the thing is that I'm going to become an hero if I don't make it, I not only base my entire personality on being a promising 'talent', let's say, or whatever you may call it because I don't actually have any talent besides from appearing as someone smart when I'm actually not; but it's also my only hope for 'ascension', feeling good about myself and not being at the bottom of the social hierarchy (status). So if I don't achieve my goals what's the purpose of my life? I wouldn't only be an abhorrently ugly KHHV with no friends, but most importantly I would feel horrible about myself for not being able to fulfil my only goal in my life. I'm basically going all-in with no plan B
So I'm venting all of this for what? Why is this in the looksmaxxing forum and not in the offtopic one? Well I need your help. I need to egomaxx and NTmaxx and basically fix all of my problems to improve in general, both for socialmaxxing and for my future.
Any advice is truly welcome because I'm really lost in life and I've been feeling like this for a while. Once again sorry if something here doesn't make sense, English isn't my first language
Anyway, so to introduce myself, I'm 15, I'm a truecel and I live in Argentina, so sorry if I make any grammar or writing mistakes. I've been lurking on these forums for a while, I had posted the rating thing just out of curiosity, I look much better in those pictures that what I actually do by the way. I know that in terms of face I'm a 2/10, especially now with acne; but in terms of body I would probably be an 8/10 for my age if it wasn't because of my crappy posture, but who cares tbh. I barely have actual friends, I never get invited to go out and it goes without saying that I'm a KHHV.
I also live in an unhealthy family environment although love them. But for the stated reasons I'm low-key destroyed psychologically and have incredibly low self-esteem -- not only people here have told me that, but also various people irl. And I'm also kinda struggling with depression since late-2020 but have suffered from it several times before as well, never in a suicidal way though -- neither now -- and here's why.
I've been coping throughout my teenage years with "one day I'll be successful and all my depression will fade away" or "one day I will be much more attractive when I grow up, I'm only insert age". I literally base my personality on being 'intellectual' and been praised as such by teachers and classmates, even foids but it's usually to ask me stuff lol. But that's because I know a lot about useless stuff and I'm sometimes a fraud, in other words I'm a pseudo.
So I've been pressuring myself to be successful in terms of status and economy, otherwise, I would kill myself because my life would be worthless. Thus I've been autistically reading tons of books on mostly entrepreneurship in my free time (I've read 6 non-fiction books so far in 2021); learning calculus, computer science, photoshop, piano, SEO, trading, chess and other possibly useful stuff.
So, the thing is that I'm going to become an hero if I don't make it, I not only base my entire personality on being a promising 'talent', let's say, or whatever you may call it because I don't actually have any talent besides from appearing as someone smart when I'm actually not; but it's also my only hope for 'ascension', feeling good about myself and not being at the bottom of the social hierarchy (status). So if I don't achieve my goals what's the purpose of my life? I wouldn't only be an abhorrently ugly KHHV with no friends, but most importantly I would feel horrible about myself for not being able to fulfil my only goal in my life. I'm basically going all-in with no plan B
So I'm venting all of this for what? Why is this in the looksmaxxing forum and not in the offtopic one? Well I need your help. I need to egomaxx and NTmaxx and basically fix all of my problems to improve in general, both for socialmaxxing and for my future.
Any advice is truly welcome because I'm really lost in life and I've been feeling like this for a while. Once again sorry if something here doesn't make sense, English isn't my first language
