Bad rave experience.

[MoggerGaston]

Was at a rave yesterday and it was starting off terribly as the drugs were mainly giving me anxiety instead of euphoria. Pressure was soooo high to feel good.

Which honestly made no sense since I was using psychedelics while rest were on stims as is usual so it's stupid to expect to be in the same head-sphere. On top of that I came here alone, without pre-gaming, arrived 5 minutes ago, and now expect peak euphoria while my psychedelics havent even really kicked in yet.

Was fucking brutal having to manage intense anxiety for over an hour, I could feel euphoria and energy at moments in time, but it was quickly over-shadowed by overthinking and anxiety. 1 hour later I pulled the plug and decided to throw the kitchen-sink of drugs at my body.

On top of my 2-CB I took a 170mg pill of MDMA and 2 bumps of ketamine.

Ketamine got me to relax and I started to disassociate from my body. Now my consciousness was separated from my body in a way that it felt as if you were living in third person.
I could 'feel' my body was under immense anxiety and stress, yet the body didn't really feel like it was mine anymore, just some human-character I was operating from another dimension.

Anxiety went down, started hallucinating a lot, but the massive MDMA peaks I was expecting never really came in tbh. Some sort of disappointment again as I just felt 'good' and didn't experience any of the euphoric waves I am used to with MDMA. Again I believe my anxiety, overthinking and stress is causing me to not be able to enjoy it. Just like I can't enjoy anything in the real world either anymore. Always some stress/anxiety keeping me from enjoying the moment. Pressure to do better, the feeling of being out of place, intense loneliness.

I did another half pill of MDMA, 5 bumps of ketamine (ended up ~0.6g of ketamine over 4 hours) and 2 bumps of 3mmc to keep me awake and energetic as I started feeling tiredness around 4AM.

I was basically on the dance-floor for 6 hours from 0:30-06:00 . I remember stepping outside to the 'chill area' one time, saw that everyone else was talking/socializing in groups, felt out of place, went back in. On the dance-floor I didn't dance with anyone, just next to people in my own world.

Had 1 social interaction with a portugese incel on the toilet who had the same hair-type as me. He asked me where I am from and when I said I was from the netherlands he told me I need to get him some chicks since 'I must surely have some with my good looks.' Felt like I was talking to someone from .org and was annoyed by it. I've only had small moment of horniness but my interest in girls was quite low during the rave. I went away and met him on the toilet again later where he was taking pictures/selfies with me, then he asked me for my instagram and I said I don't have it, which he said he didn't believe. In this half moaning/crying voice tbh I couldn't vibe at all.

Then he asked me for my number, I ticked it in his phone and he called me while he was right next to me, but my phone never rang JFL. Pretty sure I filled in the right number or at least it was my intention. At this point he started moaning/crying again that I don't like him etc. which I found uncomfortable so I left.

Rest of the night was largely a blur honestly. I felt so out place at this rave, worse than ever before. Indication of my declining mental state and social isolation. For the past 2 years I have been getting more and more socially isolated. I barely even talk to human-life anymore AT ALL in person. Fucking brutal man.

Then best moment was when going home at 7AM, still had a good drugs-buzz and decided to chill on my balcony, watch the trees, birds, hear their sounds. This moment of solitude was the best part of the night. @Earth Dollar

Only now do I believe, started I feeling the MDMA which I took 5 hours earlier, so merely a weak afterglow remained. But it felt good, it felt nice. I felt very content, relaxed, and hopeful of better times.

Got a few hours of sleep and woke up without this nice feeling but instead in my typical depressed-detached mental state. Slightly better mood than normal.

Should I use drugs again tomorrow at other rave?

Starting to feel kinda bad lately because one of my only enjoyable activities was using drugs and it's starting to become harder and harder to enjoy it.
This whole night was largely just intense anxiety and throwing a kitchen-sink of drugs at my brain to have myself feel/experience something interesting/nice whatsoever.

Honestly don't know what to do. When I was sitting on my balcony I was imagining the life I wanted to have with friends, girlfriend, family and feeling as good while socializing with them as I felt like sitting on my balcony. I went to bed wanting to manifest this life, I really felt like I deserved such a life.

Yet now it's back to reality and I am back in a mix of depression-detachment and hopelessness.

I have a traumatized brain from child-abuse resulting in PTSD, this combined with highIQ-overthinking and detaching from my own emotions.

It has destroyed any chance at obtaining life quality. I can do all the right things, start building healthy patterns in my life, yet feel like shit and in the end the house comes crumbling down as I can't find the energy to keep doing things without feeling good, appreciated, connected.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Next rave I will double all my drugs-dosages except for the ketamine.

 

[FutureSlayer]

and why exactly are you doing all of this?

 

[Sprinkles]

lol that guy on the toilet sounds like a massive faggot wtf

 

[Deleted member 42240]

this is why i do 0 drugs and just rot in my room

 

[MoggerGaston]

and why exactly are you doing all of this?

to have myself feel/experience something interesting/nice whatsoever

 

[MoggerGaston]

lol that guy on the toilet sounds like a massive faggot wtf

Very annoying guy tbh, but at the same time the only person who even interacted with me. Without him I would've been a ghost.
I remember now another moment on the dance-floor where he was talking with some girl and he started pointing at me to come to him, which I did, and then he just looked at me like I was supposed to say something to her ?! and the girl was also looking like, uhh wtf? And then he looked at me in disappointment, and walked away.

No clue.

I was zoned out on drugs this night so couldn't properly understand what the fuck he was saying but the things I did understand was moaning/crying, he wasn't having a good time i suppose. But I have enough problems of my own already.

 

[MoggerGaston]

this is why i do 0 drugs and just rot in my room

I may go back to doing drugs on my own in my room again. Less anxiety there.

 

[iblamechico]

Next rave I will double all my drugs-dosages except for the ketamine.

U will stop posting here forever sooner than later if you keep this up

 

[MoggerGaston]

U will stop posting here forever sooner than later if you keep this up

I will ascend mentally from drugs, find inner piece, and delete my account?

 

[iblamechico]

I will ascend mentally from drugs, find inner piece, and delete my account?

You will overdose and die

 

[MoggerGaston]

You will overdose and die

not my style. I don't carry enough drugs on me to raves to even over-dose.

also this is not USA where there is laced garbage on the market.

 

[iblamechico]

not my style. I don't carry enough drugs on me to raves to even over-dose.

also this is not USA where there is laced garbage on the market.

U said you're gonna double the dose next time. If u keep it up you'll get there eventually.

 

[MoggerGaston]

U said you're gonna double the dose next time. If u keep it up you'll get there eventually.

i would need to double 3 times. from 170mg to 340mg, then 340mg to 680mg, then 680mg to 1360mg. And likely it's still not a lethal dose but has good potential for a trip to the ER. All this is completely unlikely.

2-cb overdose isn't even possible, it essentially has no lethal dose range. (no deaths recorded in human history)

snorting 3mmc overdose also isn't even possible since your nose can't even absorb enough drugs required for that honestly. My nose just gets stuffed on nights where I use a lot, or starts bleeding, and then I can't snort more even if I wanted to.


Real drugs aren't the experience you know from the movies man where 1 in 2 seems to end up killing himself.

In the netherlands, ~35% of people will have used hard-drugs at some point in their life (other than alcohol/weed). 10% or so use yearly and we have less than 1 or 2 deaths per year with recreational drug-users.

I am smarter than 99% of the world population, more control of my body under drugs, and extremely unlikely to overdose. I drive my bike to and from raves while K-holing, I am a robot. Don't compare me with normies or movies.

 

[Danish_Retard]

Next rave I will double all my drugs-dosages except for the ketamine.

You are treating the symptoms and ignoring the actual issues

 

[MoggerGaston]

You are treating the symptoms and ignoring the actual issues

I need to treat the symptoms to get to my issues.

How can I live a life in which there's NOTHING I can enjoy anymore? why even live at that point?

at least if I have a rave with drugs once a week where I can have fun, I have something to look forward to. something which keeps the rest of my life worth living.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Like dating/socializing isn't even fun for me unless I do drugs/alcohol on the event/date. So without substance-abuse, I cant even get a social-circle, girlfriend, or sex.

Not just because I don't like it, but also because people don't like being with someone who isn't enjoying himself.

I need to first have fun, have a good privileged rich life, before I can find friends/connection, etc. which will improve my overall life quality. It's a catch-22 situation.

 

[MoggerGaston]

I hate this fucking forum, everyone is against drugs because 'muh drugs are bad' but they don't realize I have no other options anymore.
I have USED all my options already, i didn't even start drugs until I was 25yo. It was a desperation move u fucking cunts.

I have done more self-improvement than any of you fuckers.

U have no clue how hard my life has been. If you can still have fun in life without drugs, consider yourself privileged for having such an easily pleased brain.

 

[FutureSlayer]

to have myself feel/experience something interesting/nice whatsoever

why are you not simply tripping on lsd in your room then… why all that effort

 

[MoggerGaston]

why are you not simply tripping on lsd in your room then… why all that effort

already doing that too

 

[MoggerGaston]

I had total peace on my balcony after the rave was over, on my own, with the leftover effects of the drugs slowly phazing out.

That was the only moment I felt great. A small sense of euphoria, but not that strong. So it was more this 'very content, general happy feeling'

Yet I know it doesn't compare at all to the waves of euphoria I was able to have with MDMA still a year ago. Even 3mmc would get me in that euphoric headspace back then.

I don't believe it's tolerances since I specifically took a 2 month break from MDMA for tonight's rave and honestly there was no difference from when I was using weekly. In fact I remember having better highs in January of this year, doing it weekly.

Just my mindset and overal happiness has exponentially declined over the past 2 years. There's very little hope or potential left in me.

Time is running out.

This is it, my final years before my brain becomes truly dead inside and not even drugs can bring it to life.

 

[Deleted member 21716]

This is also why I can't do parties like that anymore. people have a certain expectation of you and how you should behave and sometimes giving in to their expectations makes one feel empty and restrict their true self expression. It's hard to appreciate life for what it truly is in settings like that.


Unlike what the others are saying on here drugs can actually aid in achieving an elevated mental state. enhancing different emotions and sometimes can make you see things you didn't see before.

Have you tried dry fasting? It can basically reset a lot of your Brian cells as well as your gut microbiome.

I did a fast for 2 weeks and even though my energy was depleted afterwards I felt anew. I was actually more productive despite not eating.

 

[High Cortisol Chad]

snorting 3mmc overdose also isn't even possible since your nose can't even absorb enough drugs required for that honestly. My nose just gets stuffed on nights where I use a lot, or starts bleeding, and then I can't snort more

I never understood why people snort 3mmc/mephedrone, it works just as well orally, just takes longer to start working. Snorting makes my nose stuffed for the next few days

 

[MoggerGaston]

I never understood why people snort 3mmc/mephedrone, it works just as well orally, just takes longer to start working. Snorting makes my nose stuffed for the next few days

havent tried this yet, will do

 

[MoggerGaston]

This is also why I can't do parties like that anymore. people have a certain expectation of you and how you should behave and sometimes giving in to their expectations makes one feel empty and restrict their true self expression. It's hard to appreciate life for what it truly is in settings like that.

Yeah it's true, but in the past I've noticed when you do get into a good vibe it can help with feeling more connected with others. It's almost you are just one big team, one big family at this rave at that point.
Like an ancient happy village-tribe dancing around a campfire for a yearly celebration-type event.

It has more potential but it's harder to achieve it I guess.

Unlike what the others are saying on here drugs can actually aid in achieving an elevated mental state. enhancing different emotions and sometimes can make you see things you didn't see before.

It's incredibly introspective, also tonight, as it becomes much easier to feel/see which thought/emotional/behavioral patterns are damaging you in your daily life. Yet despite knowing these patterns, they seem impossible to change. You fall right back into them as your brain goes back to it's -normal state- without the drugs.

Bad patterns in your life are like this brain-cancer that developed in your youth and as an adult you learn to cope/avoid it, while drugs give a momentary glimpse into what your life could be if this brain-cancer wasn't there.

Have you tried dry fasting? It can basically reset a lot of your Brian cells as well as your gut microbiome.

why not water-fasting? ive done that many times. dry-fasting seems to have more adverse health/looks effects.

But yeah I need to schedule a new one soon.

I did a fast for 2 weeks and even though my energy was depleted afterwards I felt anew. I was actually more productive despite not eating.

i can be more productive from water-fasting, but I've noticed when exercising while on a fast I would get dizzy. Body felt very weak too.

 

[Deleted member 21716]

Yeah it's true, but in the past I've noticed when you do get into a good vibe it can help with feeling more connected with others. It's almost you are just one big team, one big family at this rave at that point.
Like an ancient happy village-tribe dancing around a campfire for a yearly celebration-type event.

It has more potential but it's harder to achieve it I guess.

This is the ideal situation but these it's harder to connect with others on such a level.

It's incredibly introspective, also tonight, as it becomes much easier to feel/see which thought/emotional/behavioral patterns are damaging you in your daily life. Yet despite knowing these patterns, they seem impossible to change. You fall right back into them as your brain goes back to it's -normal state- without the drugs.

Bad patterns in your life are like this brain-cancer that developed in your youth and as an adult you learn to cope/avoid it, while drugs give a momentary glimpse into what your life could be if this brain-cancer wasn't there.

Drugs do give me a new sense of self awareness depending on what kind I am using. It's kind of similar how to when I am about to go to bed and I am reflecting on nothings I did to that day realizing my self destructive behaviors but at the wrong time.

It's of a high difficultly to change and even realize bad patterns that developed overtime. It's hard to realize the self destructive behavior while in the aft of doing and sometimes the emotions that they bring you can be addicting even though they may not be good and are quite negative on your state of being. there is no known way to completely reset your mind forms here bad habits either. Discipline is basically the best friend for avoiding them. While I try to avoid giving into the plagues of my mind I try to form new habits even though it has been proven to be difficult.

It really doesn't feel the best having to exercise your discipline 24/7 but it is what it is.

why not water-fasting? ive done that many times. dry-fasting seems to have more adverse health/looks effects.

But yeah I need to schedule a new one soon.

i can be more productive from water-fasting, but I've noticed when exercising while on a fast I would get dizzy. Body felt very weak too.

dry fasting has 3x the cleansing effects of water fasting. because during a water fast you urinate out the toxins release by affected cells while during a dry fast your body sacrifices those cells while also destroying the toxins in that immediate moment. this means a 5 day dry fast is equivalent to a 15 day water fast in terms of those affects. it also increases the cell renewal process by a lot.

 

[Htobrother]

Was at a rave yesterday and it was starting off terribly as the drugs were mainly giving me anxiety instead of euphoria. Pressure was soooo high to feel good.

Which honestly made no sense since I was using psychedelics while rest were on stims as is usual so it's stupid to expect to be in the same head-sphere. On top of that I came here alone, without pre-gaming, arrived 5 minutes ago, and now expect peak euphoria while my psychedelics havent even really kicked in yet.

Was fucking brutal having to manage intense anxiety for over an hour, I could feel euphoria and energy at moments in time, but it was quickly over-shadowed by overthinking and anxiety. 1 hour later I pulled the plug and decided to throw the kitchen-sink of drugs at my body.

On top of my 2-CB I took a 170mg pill of MDMA and 2 bumps of ketamine.

Ketamine got me to relax and I started to disassociate from my body. Now my consciousness was separated from my body in a way that it felt as if you were living in third person.
I could 'feel' my body was under immense anxiety and stress, yet the body didn't really feel like it was mine anymore, just some human-character I was operating from another dimension.

Anxiety went down, started hallucinating a lot, but the massive MDMA peaks I was expecting never really came in tbh. Some sort of disappointment again as I just felt 'good' and didn't experience any of the euphoric waves I am used to with MDMA. Again I believe my anxiety, overthinking and stress is causing me to not be able to enjoy it. Just like I can't enjoy anything in the real world either anymore. Always some stress/anxiety keeping me from enjoying the moment. Pressure to do better, the feeling of being out of place, intense loneliness.

I did another half pill of MDMA, 5 bumps of ketamine (ended up ~0.6g of ketamine over 4 hours) and 2 bumps of 3mmc to keep me awake and energetic as I started feeling tiredness around 4AM.

I was basically on the dance-floor for 6 hours from 0:30-06:00 . I remember stepping outside to the 'chill area' one time, saw that everyone else was talking/socializing in groups, felt out of place, went back in. On the dance-floor I didn't dance with anyone, just next to people in my own world.

Had 1 social interaction with a portugese incel on the toilet who had the same hair-type as me. He asked me where I am from and when I said I was from the netherlands he told me I need to get him some chicks since 'I must surely have some with my good looks.' Felt like I was talking to someone from .org and was annoyed by it. I've only had small moment of horniness but my interest in girls was quite low during the rave. I went away and met him on the toilet again later where he was taking pictures/selfies with me, then he asked me for my instagram and I said I don't have it, which he said he didn't believe. In this half moaning/crying voice tbh I couldn't vibe at all.

Then he asked me for my number, I ticked it in his phone and he called me while he was right next to me, but my phone never rang JFL. Pretty sure I filled in the right number or at least it was my intention. At this point he started moaning/crying again that I don't like him etc. which I found uncomfortable so I left.

Rest of the night was largely a blur honestly. I felt so out place at this rave, worse than ever before. Indication of my declining mental state and social isolation. For the past 2 years I have been getting more and more socially isolated. I barely even talk to human-life anymore AT ALL in person. Fucking brutal man.

Then best moment was when going home at 7AM, still had a good drugs-buzz and decided to chill on my balcony, watch the trees, birds, hear their sounds. This moment of solitude was the best part of the night. @Earth Dollar

Only now do I believe, started I feeling the MDMA which I took 5 hours earlier, so merely a weak afterglow remained. But it felt good, it felt nice. I felt very content, relaxed, and hopeful of better times.

Got a few hours of sleep and woke up without this nice feeling but instead in my typical depressed-detached mental state. Slightly better mood than normal.

Should I use drugs again tomorrow at other rave?

Starting to feel kinda bad lately because one of my only enjoyable activities was using drugs and it's starting to become harder and harder to enjoy it.
This whole night was largely just intense anxiety and throwing a kitchen-sink of drugs at my brain to have myself feel/experience something interesting/nice whatsoever.

Honestly don't know what to do. When I was sitting on my balcony I was imagining the life I wanted to have with friends, girlfriend, family and feeling as good while socializing with them as I felt like sitting on my balcony. I went to bed wanting to manifest this life, I really felt like I deserved such a life.

Yet now it's back to reality and I am back in a mix of depression-detachment and hopelessness.

I have a traumatized brain from child-abuse resulting in PTSD, this combined with highIQ-overthinking and detaching from my own emotions.

It has destroyed any chance at obtaining life quality. I can do all the right things, start building healthy patterns in my life, yet feel like shit and in the end the house comes crumbling down as I can't find the energy to keep doing things without feeling good, appreciated, connected.

I read Bad rape experience

 

[MoggerGaston]

I read Bad rape experience

 

[MoggerGaston]

This is the ideal situation but these it's harder to connect with others on such a level.

Yeah, tbh I am having too high standards here. Not even at these raves are most people on that level, not even normies with normal childhoods and a group of friends there. Anxiety is common and a major cause why a lot of people don't even like MDMA whatsoever.

Generally I see maybe 20% of stim-users in that intense euphoric state where they are jumpy asf, smiling, warm aura, etc.
Cocaine is way easier to use as it doesn't require any connection or any deeper feelings/emotions for it to work for example.

it's also why psychedelics aren't used much at raves since it's hard to get a nice high in such a stressful environment with such 'deeper' drugs.
Tbh I'm simply a bit of a retard to go to a rave on psychedelics on my own and in my current lifestyle/state-of-mind, but I have struggled similarly with stims in the recent past. Combination of stims with ketamine seems to be my only way to cope with the anxiety of the stims while enjoying the energy/high.

Drugs do give me a new sense of self awareness depending on what kind I am using. It's kind of similar how to when I am about to go to bed and I am reflecting on nothings I did to that day realizing my self destructive behaviors but at the wrong time.

It's of a high difficultly to change and even realize bad patterns that developed overtime. It's hard to realize the self destructive behavior while in the aft of doing and sometimes the emotions that they bring you can be addicting even though they may not be good and are quite negative on your state of being. there is no known way to completely reset your mind forms here bad habits either. Discipline is basically the best friend for avoiding them. While I try to avoid giving into the plagues of my mind I try to form new habits even though it has been proven to be difficult.

It really doesn't feel the best having to exercise your discipline 24/7 but it is what it is.

The entire problem with it all is that it's not necessarily your lifestyle that's even so distorted, but often the mindset you have while in that lifestyle which is so destructive to yourself.

Like how I can force myself to socialize, go on dates, etc, through discipline. Lots of effort, stress from my side. Yet then while socializing I feel even more lonely than when I am alone due to my broken mindset tbh. Can't win in this fucktarded world. The brain is a flawed organ.

dry fasting has 3x the cleansing effects of water fasting. because during a water fast you urinate out the toxins release by affected cells while during a dry fast your body sacrifices those cells while also destroying the toxins in that immediate moment. this means a 5 day dry fast is equivalent to a 15 day water fast in terms of those affects. it also increases the cell renewal process by a lot.

you think it's worth the negative health effects though? Dehydration causing a lot of stress on the body, probably lots of damage, aging, etc.

Meanwhile water-fasting could be done for many months heathily as long as if you have enough bodyfat for you body to digest. With maybe some minerals added in your drink.

 

[Deleted member 21716]

Yeah, tbh I am having too high standards here. Not even at these raves are most people on that level, not even normies with normal childhoods and a group of friends there. Anxiety is common and a major cause why a lot of people don't even like MDMA whatsoever.

Generally I see maybe 20% of stim-users in that intense euphoric state where they are jumpy asf, smiling, warm aura, etc.
Cocaine is way easier to use as it doesn't require any connection or any deeper feelings/emotions for it to work for example.

it's also why psychedelics aren't used much at raves since it's hard to get a nice high in such a stressful environment with such 'deeper' drugs.
Tbh I'm simply a bit of a retard to go to a rave on psychedelics on my own and in my current lifestyle/state-of-mind, but I have struggled similarly with stims in the recent past. Combination of stims with ketamine seems to be my only way to cope with the anxiety of the stims while enjoying the energy/high.

I prefer to only use psychedelics when I am by myself tbh. For me personally it puts me in a state of wonder and elevated thinking that in would otherwise not achieve especially in a party setting.

The entire problem with it all is that it's not necessarily your lifestyle that's even so distorted, but often the mindset you have while in that lifestyle which is so destructive to yourself.

Like how I can force myself to socialize, go on dates, etc, through discipline. Lots of effort, stress from my side. Yet then while socializing I feel even more lonely than when I am alone due to my broken mindset tbh. Can't win in this fucktarded world. The brain is a flawed organ.

I've been starting to let go of frequently socializing because it takes a lot of effort for me to put in while for most people it comes naturally. There is a weird paradox where I would like to socialize and hang with people all the time but the act of actually doing it is way to much effort as my social battery drain quickly and I often find myself preferring to be alone anyways. I am starting to theorize that there is a spectrum between 2 modes of operations one of which is solitude and the other of being around company. Finding the your balance in the spectrum his important for an optimal life. I find myself wanting to be in solitude 85% of the time while wanting to be with others for the rest of the 15%. I did the calculations over a 2 week period base don my mode within the 2 modes and how much I need of each.

you think it's worth the negative health effects though? Dehydration causing a lot of stress on the body, probably lots of damage, aging, etc.

Meanwhile water-fasting could be done for many months heathily as long as if you have enough bodyfat for you body to digest. With maybe some minerals added in your drink.

dry fasting should only be done over 3-5 day period. after that it becomes excessive and does add extra stress on the body. Like if you do a 2 week fast add in 3 days of dry fasting and the rest mineral water fasting for optimal results.

 

[MoggerGaston]

I prefer to only use psychedelics when I am by myself tbh. For me personally it puts me in a state of wonder and elevated thinking that in would otherwise not achieve especially in a party setting.

true, I've done it 5 times now though in a party-setting. 2 times went great, 2 times bad, 1 times mehh. its a gamble.

anything better than sober though.

I've been starting to let go of frequently socializing because it takes a lot of effort for me to put in while for most people it comes naturally. There is a weird paradox where I would like to socialize and hang with people all the time but the act of actually doing it is way to much effort as my social battery drain quickly and I often find myself preferring to be alone anyways. I am starting to theorize that there is a spectrum between 2 modes of operations one of which is solitude and the other of being around company. Finding the your balance in the spectrum his important for an optimal life. I find myself wanting to be in solitude 85% of the time while wanting to be with others for the rest of the 15%. I did the calculations over a 2 week period base don my mode within the 2 modes and how much I need of each.

If that works for you that's good. But is that 15% what you truly would want, or what you can take in terms of amount of stress/energy needed for its limited effects?

My main coping mechanisms are avoidance and detachment, both of which make it impossible to enjoy socializing yet make it cost a lot of energy.
Yet I long deeply for some of it on most of my days honestly. Fucking over for me.

Same with intimacy, I long for it deeply yet the whole process of chatting up girls on dating apps for weeks, going on a date, having to be this perfect guy on a date. All of this taking massive effort. And then even when I am successful, have sex, second-date planned, etc. I feel largely nothing or bad emotions. And even setting up the second-date it all starts over again in my brain, the stress is still there even if I know she likes me. And everything in my body tells me to avoid and abort.

I've been planning on using ketamine and stims on dates to help me get through this beginning phase as I do know it gets easier but it generally takes weeks if not months of knowing someone for me to get more comfortable with them. I'll need to use drugs for months to get to that stage.
This is why I am mainly looking to date raver-girls, drug-users, alcoholics, etc. Last girl I dated in November was a druggie, same with a girl in April. Not interested in dating non-drug users as it would make it harder for me to be drugged myself on our dates without it being too problematic.

Other issue is finding a girl to date which uses drug which would even add anything to my life. She probably has unresolved trauma and mental issues herself. It's not clear to me if adding my trauma with hers together in some sort of relationship will even improve my life honestly.

dry fasting should only be done over 3-5 day period. after that it becomes excessive and does add extra stress on the body. Like if you do a 2 week fast add in 3 days of dry fasting and the rest mineral water fasting for optimal results.

ill read some more about it, thanks.

 

[Deleted member 21716]

If that works for you that's good. But is that 15% what you truly would want, or what you can take in terms of amount of stress/energy needed for its limited effects?

My main coping mechanisms are avoidance and detachment, both of which make it impossible to enjoy socializing yet make it cost a lot of energy.
Yet I long deeply for some of it on most of my days honestly. Fucking over for me.

Same with intimacy, I long for it deeply yet the whole process of chatting up girls on dating apps for weeks, going on a date, having to be this perfect guy on a date. All of this taking massive effort. And then even when I am successful, have sex, second-date planned, etc. I feel largely nothing or bad emotions. And even setting up the second-date it all starts over again in my brain, the stress is still there even if I know she likes me. And everything in my body tells me to avoid and abort.

I've been planning on using ketamine and stims on dates to help me get through this beginning phase as I do know it gets easier but it generally takes weeks if not months of knowing someone for me to get more comfortable with them. I'll need to use drugs for months to get to that stage.
This is why I am mainly looking to date raver-girls, drug-users, alcoholics, etc. Last girl I dated in November was a druggie, same with a girl in April. Not interested in dating non-drug users as it would make it harder for me to be drugged myself on our dates without it being too problematic.

Other issue is finding a girl to date which uses drug which would even add anything to my life. She probably has unresolved trauma and mental issues herself. It's not clear to me if adding my trauma with hers together in some sort of relationship will even improve my life honestly.

That is what I have found that works best over a 2 week period ofc that time may not accurate because 2 weeks isn't a lot of time. I did this by using a method where I take and the 16 to 15 hours I am usually awake and calculating how much time I can spend with company until my social battery starts running low and my mind starts going into distress. I found that usually I can handle and enjoy 2 1/2 to 3 hours of company until I start wanting to leave. I also calculated how much solitude I needed by just timing it. I found that I usually enjoy 13 to 14 hours of solitude. ofc it did vary on some days in which that solitude can turn to loneliness if I dont get my social capacity need met. but this is just what I averaged out. I will further tracking it though.


I do sometimes long for company but then i really think do I really want that company or fantasy of that company. having company that shares the same interest as you is beneficial and can increase your social battery lifespan. the problem is for me that rare. I have found a few close friends with common interest who I enjoy the company of very much.

 

[MoggerGaston]

honestly may get one or a couple of pets, dog or cat idk yet, for some sort of 'interaction with life' so to speak that doesn't have these massive expectations attached to it.

humans just ain't it

 

[MoggerGaston]

That is what I have found that works best over a 2 week period ofc that time may not accurate because 2 weeks isn't a lot of time. I did this by using a method where I take and the 16 to 15 hours I am usually awake and calculating how much time I can spend with company until my social battery starts running low and my mind starts going into distress. I found that usually I can handle and enjoy 2 1/2 to 3 hours of company until I start wanting to leave. I also calculated how much solitude I needed by just timing it. I found that I usually enjoy 13 to 14 hours of solitude. ofc it did vary on some days in which that solitude can turn to loneliness if I dont get my social capacity need met. but this is just what I averaged out. I will further tracking it though.


I do sometimes long for company but then i really think do I really want that company or fantasy of that company. having company that shares the same interest as you is beneficial and can increase your social battery lifespan. the problem is for me that rare. I have found a few close friends with common interest who I enjoy the company of very much.

Hmm yeah I get it. What we really long for is that social company which extends your social battery lifespan indefinitely because the interaction gives you energy, hope, power, strength, inspiration, love, connection, etc.

So that at some point perhaps you will even have to say: 'hey I don't want to spend this many hours with these people anymore as I am losing myself.'

never had that yet though.

 

[Deleted member 21716]

Hmm yeah I get it. What we really long for is that social company which extends your social battery lifespan indefinitely because the interaction gives you energy, hope, power, strength, inspiration, love, connection, etc.

So that at some point perhaps you will even have to say: 'hey I don't want to spend this many hours with these people anymore as I am losing myself.'

never had that yet though.

I think of was surrounded by people with similar ways of thinking I wouldn't have to take so many hours in solitude. Ideally I would like to have half of my hours in solitude and half my hours in the presence of good company creating balance but since good company is highly difficult to come by I find myself enjoying far more hours of solitude.

 

[fukmylyf]

going to raves alone is the most pointless shit ever. Not sure what you get out of it really.

That being said, I also had a pretty disappointing experience at a festival recently. The group i went with were bad vibes and i had to end a 5 year friendship over some drama. Not to mention there were lots of overdoses and people getting way too fucked up. I might take a break from raving tbh.

Even though i made new friends and hooked up with a girl there, i don't think it was worth it. These experiences are too special to be shared with people you aren't already close with.

 

[MoggerGaston]

going to raves alone is the most pointless shit ever. Not sure what you get out of it really.

That being said, I also had a pretty disappointing experience at a festival recently. The group i went with were bad vibes and i had to end a 5 year friendship over some drama. Not to mention there were lots of overdoses and people getting way too fucked up. I might take a break from raving tbh.

Even though i made new friends and hooked up with a girl there, i don't think it was worth it. These experiences are too special to be shared with people you aren't already close with.

what else can we do.

socializing without drugs is pointless with how brutal people treat victims of child-abuse.

 

[R@m@]

Drugs are good for brain rewiring, when I smoke regularly I'm more detached from my toughts and If I smoke for a long time those toughts aren't as strong anymore

 

[Danish_Retard]

I need to treat the symptoms to get to my issues.

How can I live a life in which there's NOTHING I can enjoy anymore? why even live at that point?

at least if I have a rave with drugs once a week where I can have fun, I have something to look forward to. something which keeps the rest of my life worth living.

Enjoying nothing is a signal that things must change ASAP, yet you instead choose to satiate that signal weekly with external means and continue living in despair.

You will never move a centimetre forward mentally this way.

Let your pain guide you instead of hiding from it.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Enjoying nothing is a signal that things must change ASAP, yet you instead choose to satiate that signal weekly with external means and continue living in despair.

You will never move a centimetre forward mentally this way.

Let your pain guide you instead of hiding from it.

youre such a young guy

 

[actualunderstander]

You probably had shit drugs. My man if you actually took 170mg of good mdma , you would be extremely euphoric. It would feel incredible but also super intense. You would be flying. Drugs are bad btw, despite the temp feel good feelings they mess you up long term.

They did a study and they found out that something like less than 20% of all confiscated molly from people arrested and stuff has any actual mdma in it whatsoever. That's right , it's mostly nonsense.


I doubt you were on the drugs you thought you were. Also, if you wanna have a good time, you don't just keep throwing drugs at your brain. Take mdma, or acid , or ketamine. Don't candy flip if you're not used to it. At the most, take a single dose of acid and a single dose of mdma. Screw all that ketamine crap. You did it all wrong. Not that you should be doing that stuff anyway.

Raves are fun, but ultimately it's all an illusion and just a place for people to do drugs.

If you must do it, just do mdma and if you wanna get a bump take some small lines of coke. Make sure you have good shit.

 

[MoggerGaston]

You probably had shit drugs.

everything I used is tested. I know for sure this was 170mg of pure clean MDMA.

I know the euphoria of MDMA, I've used it ~30 times so far in my life. But many times if you get really anxious/stressed, it becomes really hard to enjoy.

My man if you actually took 170mg of good mdma , you would be extremely euphoric. It would feel incredible but also super intense. You would be flying. Drugs are bad btw, despite the temp feel good feelings they mess you up long term.

They did a study and they found out that something like less than 20% of all confiscated molly from people arrested and stuff has any actual mdma in it whatsoever. That's right , it's mostly nonsense.

i live in the netherlands we have free anonymous drug-testing. Everything is 100% good stuff.

Drugs are always mood enhancers. You seem like a rookie because you should know that MDMA can also give you bad trips.

If you must do it, just do mdma and if you wanna get a bump take some small lines of coke. Make sure you have good shit.

coke is shit tbh.

 

[NationalWarrior]

in what country do you raving? i guess there arent as many fights as in clubs. Is "easier" to meet foids as you can go dance with them and stuff? I havent ever gone to a rave so

 

[MoggerGaston]

in what country do you raving? i guess there arent as many fights as in clubs. Is "easier" to meet foids as you can go dance with them and stuff? I havent ever gone to a rave so

netherlands, there are no fights everyone is chill

 

[actualunderstander]

everything I used is tested. I know for sure this was 170mg of pure clean MDMA.

I know the euphoria of MDMA, I've used it ~30 times so far in my life. But many times if you get really anxious/stressed, it becomes really hard to enjoy.

i live in the netherlands we have free anonymous drug-testing. Everything is 100% good stuff.

Drugs are always mood enhancers. You seem like a rookie because you should know that MDMA can also give you bad trips.

coke is shit tbh.

Well you're the first person I talked to who took 170mg of mdma and didnt get euphoria. The come up can cause anxiety yes, but after that? Idk man you just have a weird chemical make up I suppose. Also don't mix tripping, Molly, ketamine together.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Well you're the first person I talked to who took 170mg of mdma and didnt get euphoria. The come up can cause anxiety yes, but after that? Idk man you just have a weird chemical make up I suppose.

its not super uncommon. You MUST know people who 'dont like MDMA'. Those are the people who tend to feel mostly anxiety/stress and not the euphoria. MDMA is not a superdrug which always makes you feel euphoric.

Also don't mix tripping, Molly, ketamine together.

ketamine is amazing combined with mdma.

 

[actualunderstander]

its not super uncommon. You MUST know people who 'dont like MDMA'. Those are the people who tend to feel mostly anxiety/stress and not the euphoria. MDMA is not a superdrug which always makes you feel euphoric.


ketamine is amazing combined with mdma.

I guess we have just had different experiences then. Not in my circles at least or the raving life I had have I heard of this. But that's life , always different for everyone

 

[Maalik]

its not super uncommon. You MUST know people who 'dont like MDMA'. Those are the people who tend to feel mostly anxiety/stress and not the euphoria. MDMA is not a superdrug which always makes you feel euphoric.


ketamine is amazing combined with mdma.

maybe try combining drugs with true introspection
First think about and rememeber things that make you feel happy and powerful. Then once you grab that feeling, use the drug to intensify it

 

[fukmylyf]

fuck ketamine tbh

 

[apocalypse]

I wish my flatmate would piss off for a week so I could do some drugs in peace but he’s in the flat 24/7