Concerned about my mental health, thoughts of harming others

brotatoes

brotatoes

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DNR this if you want it'll be long.

I'll start from the beginning. From ages 0-4 I didn't talk at all, not a first word nothing. Then at age 4 I had such a large jump in language fluency that my mother can't remember my first word (I'm an only child). Idk if this means anything but yeah. Then from ages 4-7 I was a mostly normal child, in fact, I made a lot of friends.

Starting at 7 I used to say things like "I'm gonna commit suicide" and stuff along that to likely get attention from others. Around this time I also began having a habit of trying to scam peers of their toys and such and trying steal from them, including stealing from my own mother ($100 on multiple occasions even when I was lectured about it).

From ages 7-10 this continued. I was a compulsive liar and lied about anything, still at this point in time I didn't struggle making friends, though I often lied to them about who I was, where I was from, etc. around this time Covid hit, being online changed my academics a lot.

From ages 11-14 After we came back to school I struggled to do assignments but still performed exceptionally on tests. I also began having severe anxiety attacks to where Ems had to be called. This was around the time I was medicated for adhd. I daydreamed so often that I missed pages of notes during class.

At age 12-13 I discovered looksmaxxing. This was light hearted at first but eventually lead to me caring so much about my outward appearance and began giving me extreme social anxiety to strangers, but I still made friends fine in school. At age 14 I moved houses and went to high school. I often struggled with making the first move in social situations and often put on a facade to seem cool and acceptable to others. At this point I am now having extreme troubles connecting with others on a deeper level.

From ages 14-17(now) this has gotten exponentially worse. I struggle connecting with others past every day conversation and can no longer have good healthy relationships with family or friends. I'm hyper aware of people and how they feel about me making me miss school 1-2 days a week from mental strain. I'm having very often and serious thoughts of suicide and harming peers to feel free and I guess for once in power of my life. I have extreme mood swings on top of this. There's probably more to this but this is what I can really remember about myself and stuff. I'm nervous to ask to see a psychiatrist but I may have to. If any of you high iq people can classify anything that's happening to me that'd help.
 
Last edited:
  • +1
Reactions: tansel
dude you need to learn how to space out paragraphs

this is unreadable
 
  • +1
Reactions: brotatoes
ok

i read it all

you sound extremely unwell mentally

you need intensive psychiatric help
Just super nervous about bringing this up to my mom and stuff
 

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