Everything is great in my life except my ocd.

[lastamericanvirgin]

Sometimes I want to praise God for His sacrifice.

God by logic can't just forgive us because it'll go against Who He Is and He doesn't change.

He's Just. We are evil.

So Jesus took our punishment so He can logically forgive us.

The Cool Being, I bowed to Him like 12 times prostration.

Face touching floor. But I kept having intrusive blasphemous thoughts as I stood up.
It ruined and disrespected the bowing ritual.

I finally said eff it and took shower.

I did it 4 or 5 times more times in tub.
And last time I had a evil thought of Mary. Intrusive disgusting thought.


I tried to replace her with another woman but I realize that is bad.

I'm still staining the bowing ritual and ruined it all.

So I tried to just let the thought be and stand up anyway from my knee position and I realized I failed.

I disrespected God not directly but Mary.

I need to do it for the 100th time?? Fuck why does He allow me to suffer.


He gives me so much blessings and I feel so close to Him I feel His Spirit making me Praise Him and close to Him

Why does He allow this?????? Why.... why.