MoggerGaston
Weltschmerz
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2022
- Posts
- 23,421
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@syobevoli here
Extremely long text incoming. If u dont want to read, leave.
I hope some youngcels can learn something from my life story maybe. I am a 27yo guy right now that is basically a NEET about to go ER. But it wasn't always like this, but maybe it was always meant to be.
I was never the hardest working student, but my 128IQ carried me hard in school to the point where at the age of 17 (when you graduate high-school in the netherlands) I was among the top 1% scoring students of the country, which gave me access to every single university and program I wanted to get into.
At the age of 17 though I was:
-Abused by my parents.
-KHHV truecel
-Had a small social circle of gamer-nerds as only friends. No women.
-Depressed
I had free access to med school in the netherlands. But I deemed it too easy and a waste of time for someone like me. So I rejected it.
Note: Med school is the mostly highly sought after education in the netherlands, it's extremely hard to get in (everyone wants it), but once you are in it is easy and low-skill. Just memorization and reproduction.
Ended up thinking of doing a gap-year or something cuz I hated my life and didn't know what to do. My parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't go to university right away or got a job to support myself instead.
These threats led to me enrolling myself into Physics. It was considered the hardest program that this country had to offer and I hoped it would motivate me to excell. I hoped I would finally find the validation and appreciation I never got in life if I did well in this program. I hoped it would make me enjoy my life again, also I was always really good in physics in high school.
My parents refused to support me financially to study in another city, so I was forced to commute to this new university in another city from home. This took 4 hours every day, I had to wake up 6:15AM in the morning and generally i would get home at 8PM.
I would get home at 8PM, eat, play games 2-3 hours, go to bed. Repeat. Life was brutal.
I was still a truecel. I made some acquintainces mainly some guys that were also very smart that worked together with me at university. But nothing that lasted beyond the lecture halls.
I didn't get motivated and was getting less motivated as time went on. The loneliness was getting to me and I was looking for 'ways out of life' with videogames.
I still passed my first 2 years of physics with decent grades (Top ~30% and considered talented, but nothing special). Third year I got into a legal argument with my university and I had to go to court over being allowed to make a certain exam. Ended up losing the court-battle which led to requiring an additional 3 months to get a certain exam done. It was brutal to me because I considered the university to be a place where students would be supported, instead of actively be fought in court-battles over being allowed to make a fucking exam.
This court-battle that I lost felt like a brutal stab in the back. I was eagerly looking for any type of validation or appreciation for what I was doing, but instead I was getting sabotaged over shitty rules that (later I discovered) where hardly enforced anyways. Only somehow in my case they strictly were. (Not being allowed to make a certain exam, made it impossible for me to pass a certain course, which made it inevitable to for me to get a delayed graduation)
This same year I started looksmaxxing. I was 20yo at this point and didn't know of the blackpill. I started going to the gym and tracking calories to lose weight. Ended up losing interest in university and skipping lectures. Failing more and more courses, but still passing some here and there.
I now had a completed 1st + 2nd year. But a failed 3rd year of university. It's a 3-year program by the way. So I am basically 2/3 on the way now.
The next year, I passed only a single course (1/12 of a year) which basically means I didn't progress at all. I hardly went to my university anymore as the commute was too brutal and I lost interest. Resulting in a complete year wasted. I was completely demotivated in life and in my studies.
I took all the bluepilled advice and went to my general practitioner who send me through to a therapist to treat my depression.
I got on SSRI's right away, started doing weekly therapy sessions talking about my issues. In the mean-time still going to the gym, socializing with my nerd-friends, playing videogames, but hardly working on my studies.
SSRI's didn't work at all (escitalopram (called lexapro in the US) didnt work at all) and therapy wasnt making any progress whatsoever in a year time. Ended up switching therapists 3 times but to no avail.
At this time I also first installed dating apps (age 22). Hardly got any matches. Went on 1 date with a girl that rejected me. Whatever. My dating profile looked like this:
I considered online-dating a waste of time and deleted Tinder. Instead I started social-maxxing. Mainly by going clubbing more often, but also by joining (latin) dance courses in the city that I studied at. Hoping to connect and interact with more women that way.
This is how I looked like at this point (age 22)
This was brutally unsuccesfull. All the interactions I was getting from women in clubs were negative and that of brutal rejection. Women in clubs wanted low-inhib beasts, not a 22yo mediocre looking KHHV.
The girls at my dance club were more positive and I got some more positive interactions there. But nothing ever led anywhere.
At 22yo I considered it time to make more drastic changes. I conspired to leave my elderly abusive home and arranged for a student-dorm without their knowledge as I knew they wouldn't agree with it.
Once I had it all arranged, I notified my parents of my departure and they had the brutal response that I expected: They told me I was disowned as a child and I was to receive absolutely 0 help with anything ever if I go through with these plans. They also had my cousins and their family talk to me to tell me that it would be terrible thing to move out.
I ended up moving out anyways without their support, but once I started arranging things, suddenly my parents started helping me again to move my shit to here. Pretending like they were always ready for me (brutal narc abusive gaslighting retard parents pill).
Anyways I ended up having to ditch my old therapist from my old city. And applied to new mental health-care in my new city.
This is the time I found the blackpill (age 23).
Nothing really changed except for me playing less videogames and spending more times on blackpill forums/discord/reddits.
Mental-healthcare was shit and ended up not vibing at all with my therapist. I dropped it and focused on self-improvement against. Started reading a lot about stoicicism, meditation-techniques and mindfullness. Also joined group yoga-classes, group running classes.
Unfortunately all to no avail and I wasted another year with 0 classes passed. But leanmaxxing was going well:
Next study-year I considered myself 'looksmaxxed enough' to start social-maxxing hardcore.
I doubled down on my (latin) dance classes and started doing 2 classes at once. But more importantly: I joined a student fraternity in the new city that I now lived in.
This fraternity is one of the biggest of my city and considered the 'top of student-life' basically, if you know what I mean.
i was also at my leanest and best-looking at this period of time tbh.
Results:
At my dancing classes I got told I look like a player/fuckboy (despite still being KHHV). Girls didn't really like me and weren't friendly to me, except my most common dance-partner that was somewhat open to me. I could've had a chance with her in hindsight if I pushed it myself, but I didn't and neither did she. So nothing ended up happening.
More importantly, my fraternity: I partied hard here 2-3 days per week. With absolutely ZERO results. I was 22yo and a lot of the people there considered me 'oldcel' already. Since I was new there I was coupled/paired with fresh students (18yo) and I was constantly being told how weird it was for a 22yo like me to be around 18yo's. Ngl it was very brutal and ofcourse also had to do with how old I looke due to my poor collagen and hairline. The 18-20yo girls wanted nothing to do with me.
Luckily around this time I met my first ever girl I kissed, had sex with, first girlfriend. Through tinder, pure luck tbh, I was hardly getting matches but this girl pulled through.
It was a long-distance relationship and she thought of me as this mogger guy that was high-status in a good fraternity and excelling in school. This wasn't reality, so when that came crashing down, the relationship ended.
During all this time I was still passing 0 exams, 0 courses.
I was extremely positive in my mindset at this point though. Losing my virginity to a girl like this, getting relationship experience. Now things can finally go well with women right?
Nope. I got a few one-night stands with girls, but nothing ever sticked.
I ended up wasting another full year in the same fraternity and trying to replicate the results I got with this girl I had my first relationship with.
0 success.
I ended up growing out my hair to try a different vibe/style.
Years went by with almost no real progress in life.
Didn't pass courses.
Started another mental-healthcare therapy that led nowhere
Dating didn't go anywhere
Didn't make any real new social circles
Covid happened.
Had a couple of different jobs.
Lost all of my money in failed investments.
Dated a german artsy girl for almost a year in 2021. Didn't go anywhere.
Boom it's 2022.
I still didn't pass a single course (1/12 of a year) since 2017 (!!!). 5 years and not a single exam passed.
And life is where I am now:
27yo.
-6 years behind my peers in my academic/career achievements.
-still inexperienced with romance/sex/relationships. About 9 years behind here.
-no family (ended up ditching them all together as I considered them toxic).
-few friends I had are gone.
0 money (and also 100k in student debt).
No degree. (But I could still finish this physics degree I havent passed a single course for in 6 years though jfl)
Thoughts?
Extremely long text incoming. If u dont want to read, leave.
I hope some youngcels can learn something from my life story maybe. I am a 27yo guy right now that is basically a NEET about to go ER. But it wasn't always like this, but maybe it was always meant to be.
I was never the hardest working student, but my 128IQ carried me hard in school to the point where at the age of 17 (when you graduate high-school in the netherlands) I was among the top 1% scoring students of the country, which gave me access to every single university and program I wanted to get into.
At the age of 17 though I was:
-Abused by my parents.
-KHHV truecel
-Had a small social circle of gamer-nerds as only friends. No women.
-Depressed
I had free access to med school in the netherlands. But I deemed it too easy and a waste of time for someone like me. So I rejected it.
Note: Med school is the mostly highly sought after education in the netherlands, it's extremely hard to get in (everyone wants it), but once you are in it is easy and low-skill. Just memorization and reproduction.
Ended up thinking of doing a gap-year or something cuz I hated my life and didn't know what to do. My parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't go to university right away or got a job to support myself instead.
These threats led to me enrolling myself into Physics. It was considered the hardest program that this country had to offer and I hoped it would motivate me to excell. I hoped I would finally find the validation and appreciation I never got in life if I did well in this program. I hoped it would make me enjoy my life again, also I was always really good in physics in high school.
My parents refused to support me financially to study in another city, so I was forced to commute to this new university in another city from home. This took 4 hours every day, I had to wake up 6:15AM in the morning and generally i would get home at 8PM.
I would get home at 8PM, eat, play games 2-3 hours, go to bed. Repeat. Life was brutal.
I was still a truecel. I made some acquintainces mainly some guys that were also very smart that worked together with me at university. But nothing that lasted beyond the lecture halls.
I didn't get motivated and was getting less motivated as time went on. The loneliness was getting to me and I was looking for 'ways out of life' with videogames.
I still passed my first 2 years of physics with decent grades (Top ~30% and considered talented, but nothing special). Third year I got into a legal argument with my university and I had to go to court over being allowed to make a certain exam. Ended up losing the court-battle which led to requiring an additional 3 months to get a certain exam done. It was brutal to me because I considered the university to be a place where students would be supported, instead of actively be fought in court-battles over being allowed to make a fucking exam.
This court-battle that I lost felt like a brutal stab in the back. I was eagerly looking for any type of validation or appreciation for what I was doing, but instead I was getting sabotaged over shitty rules that (later I discovered) where hardly enforced anyways. Only somehow in my case they strictly were. (Not being allowed to make a certain exam, made it impossible for me to pass a certain course, which made it inevitable to for me to get a delayed graduation)
This same year I started looksmaxxing. I was 20yo at this point and didn't know of the blackpill. I started going to the gym and tracking calories to lose weight. Ended up losing interest in university and skipping lectures. Failing more and more courses, but still passing some here and there.
I now had a completed 1st + 2nd year. But a failed 3rd year of university. It's a 3-year program by the way. So I am basically 2/3 on the way now.
The next year, I passed only a single course (1/12 of a year) which basically means I didn't progress at all. I hardly went to my university anymore as the commute was too brutal and I lost interest. Resulting in a complete year wasted. I was completely demotivated in life and in my studies.
I took all the bluepilled advice and went to my general practitioner who send me through to a therapist to treat my depression.
I got on SSRI's right away, started doing weekly therapy sessions talking about my issues. In the mean-time still going to the gym, socializing with my nerd-friends, playing videogames, but hardly working on my studies.
SSRI's didn't work at all (escitalopram (called lexapro in the US) didnt work at all) and therapy wasnt making any progress whatsoever in a year time. Ended up switching therapists 3 times but to no avail.
At this time I also first installed dating apps (age 22). Hardly got any matches. Went on 1 date with a girl that rejected me. Whatever. My dating profile looked like this:
I considered online-dating a waste of time and deleted Tinder. Instead I started social-maxxing. Mainly by going clubbing more often, but also by joining (latin) dance courses in the city that I studied at. Hoping to connect and interact with more women that way.
This is how I looked like at this point (age 22)
This was brutally unsuccesfull. All the interactions I was getting from women in clubs were negative and that of brutal rejection. Women in clubs wanted low-inhib beasts, not a 22yo mediocre looking KHHV.
The girls at my dance club were more positive and I got some more positive interactions there. But nothing ever led anywhere.
At 22yo I considered it time to make more drastic changes. I conspired to leave my elderly abusive home and arranged for a student-dorm without their knowledge as I knew they wouldn't agree with it.
Once I had it all arranged, I notified my parents of my departure and they had the brutal response that I expected: They told me I was disowned as a child and I was to receive absolutely 0 help with anything ever if I go through with these plans. They also had my cousins and their family talk to me to tell me that it would be terrible thing to move out.
I ended up moving out anyways without their support, but once I started arranging things, suddenly my parents started helping me again to move my shit to here. Pretending like they were always ready for me (brutal narc abusive gaslighting retard parents pill).
Anyways I ended up having to ditch my old therapist from my old city. And applied to new mental health-care in my new city.
This is the time I found the blackpill (age 23).
Nothing really changed except for me playing less videogames and spending more times on blackpill forums/discord/reddits.
Mental-healthcare was shit and ended up not vibing at all with my therapist. I dropped it and focused on self-improvement against. Started reading a lot about stoicicism, meditation-techniques and mindfullness. Also joined group yoga-classes, group running classes.
Unfortunately all to no avail and I wasted another year with 0 classes passed. But leanmaxxing was going well:
Next study-year I considered myself 'looksmaxxed enough' to start social-maxxing hardcore.
I doubled down on my (latin) dance classes and started doing 2 classes at once. But more importantly: I joined a student fraternity in the new city that I now lived in.
This fraternity is one of the biggest of my city and considered the 'top of student-life' basically, if you know what I mean.
i was also at my leanest and best-looking at this period of time tbh.
Results:
At my dancing classes I got told I look like a player/fuckboy (despite still being KHHV). Girls didn't really like me and weren't friendly to me, except my most common dance-partner that was somewhat open to me. I could've had a chance with her in hindsight if I pushed it myself, but I didn't and neither did she. So nothing ended up happening.
More importantly, my fraternity: I partied hard here 2-3 days per week. With absolutely ZERO results. I was 22yo and a lot of the people there considered me 'oldcel' already. Since I was new there I was coupled/paired with fresh students (18yo) and I was constantly being told how weird it was for a 22yo like me to be around 18yo's. Ngl it was very brutal and ofcourse also had to do with how old I looke due to my poor collagen and hairline. The 18-20yo girls wanted nothing to do with me.
Luckily around this time I met my first ever girl I kissed, had sex with, first girlfriend. Through tinder, pure luck tbh, I was hardly getting matches but this girl pulled through.
It was a long-distance relationship and she thought of me as this mogger guy that was high-status in a good fraternity and excelling in school. This wasn't reality, so when that came crashing down, the relationship ended.
During all this time I was still passing 0 exams, 0 courses.
I was extremely positive in my mindset at this point though. Losing my virginity to a girl like this, getting relationship experience. Now things can finally go well with women right?
Nope. I got a few one-night stands with girls, but nothing ever sticked.
I ended up wasting another full year in the same fraternity and trying to replicate the results I got with this girl I had my first relationship with.
0 success.
I ended up growing out my hair to try a different vibe/style.
Years went by with almost no real progress in life.
Didn't pass courses.
Started another mental-healthcare therapy that led nowhere
Dating didn't go anywhere
Didn't make any real new social circles
Covid happened.
Had a couple of different jobs.
Lost all of my money in failed investments.
Dated a german artsy girl for almost a year in 2021. Didn't go anywhere.
Boom it's 2022.
I still didn't pass a single course (1/12 of a year) since 2017 (!!!). 5 years and not a single exam passed.
And life is where I am now:
27yo.
-6 years behind my peers in my academic/career achievements.
-still inexperienced with romance/sex/relationships. About 9 years behind here.
-no family (ended up ditching them all together as I considered them toxic).
-few friends I had are gone.
0 money (and also 100k in student debt).
No degree. (But I could still finish this physics degree I havent passed a single course for in 6 years though jfl)
Thoughts?
Last edited:
