i didn’t go to prom, didn’t go to parties, didn’t get anything

[got.daim]

no prom, no slow dance, no girl whispering she’s glad she came with me, no pictures, no corsage, nothing, i watched everyone else get that and i stayed home like i didn’t care but i did, i cared a lot, same with college, no parties, no dorm crush, no making out at 2am drunk off nothing but hormones, no sneaking into someone’s room, no late night walks with someone you just met and feel something for instantly, i missed all of it, i thought maybe i’d get it later but there is no later, those years are gone, you don’t get that energy back, now everyone’s old and dull and careful, now dating is apps and resumes and trauma, now it’s all surface level and broken, i never even got to mess up and learn, i just got nothing, and i still have to sit here hearing stories like “remember when we did that at prom” or “my college ex was crazy lol” and i’ve got no version of that, just silence, just blank space, like i skipped the most important part of life and now everything else is just leftovers, everyone got to be loved when it actually felt magical, i got to be invisible, and now i’m supposed to just suck it up and move on like it’s not a big deal, but it is, it’s a massive deal, it shaped how i see the world and how i see myself, and no one really gets it unless they missed it too