Xangsane
jova
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I was born and raised in the Home Counties in southeast England, known to be full of white racist Tory parents and their offspring, who are equally as racist as their parents.
I am also nametaxed.
Went to grammar school there, and felt racially segregated by the white students because I wasn't white enough for them, despite being half-white. I feel it's to do with how I was raised, rather than my race, as some half-white students were accepted by whites (i.e. the heavily white-washed ones).
Having a brainwashed (but cool and somewhat liberalized) convert former goth-raver mother and strict Arab immigrant dad didn't really help either, I guess. I didn't go to parties at school, didn't do any substances, couldn't blend in with the white students at all. My sister couldn't do these things either (but unlike me, she rebelled like crazy when she went to uni, and now looks like some stereotypical KPOP twitter stan with pink hair and DIY piercings which she doesn't use when she comes home for the holidays).
Some of the mixed white/something else students fitted in very well with the whites, especially the girls. There were two girls who were of the same ethnicity as me (and looked like white people too), were invited to 90% white parties and shit, but were mostly treated as side pieces and there just for entertainment/numbers. These were girls who wanted to be white so badly. One of them after uni even REVERTED BACK to her ethnic culture after trying to live life like a typical white girl. Both girls were also nametaxed.
I also questioned a girl (not nametaxed) who was also mixed and whitewashed (south Asian and white), only kept white friends, desperately wanted to be white and be accepted by them (while rejecting her ethnic side). She got so offended when I told her she wasn't white and wouldn't be accepted fully by white people.
So in secondary school, I mostly stayed with other ethnics, who coped with fancy cars and expensive clothes/thugmaxxing. These people were mostly seen as a source of entertainment. I had only one white friend from school.
I started to develop a strong fear of missing out due to the fact I was raised this way and therefore being extremely cautious about things, and it certainly affected my uni years.
Fast-forward to uni. I did go to parties here and there but avoided any substance abuse because of how high-inhib and protected I was back in secondary school. But after one year, I noticed how fast many of the white students were descending due to substance abuse, mostly alcohol and some drugs. I didn't want to become like them. So I took the time to lean down (I was overweight) and looksmax/take care of my skin, and within midway of my third year, I vastly improved my looks and noticed people treating me a lot better, particularly women. But I was still so high inhib and didn't want to slay like crazy, so I kept to myself and remained incel.
My god, white foids with the strong East End accents, loud voices yelling "LICHERALLY" in the library and baggy clothes annoyed the fuck out of me. They were so white they refused to associate with any non-whites.
I think all this made me the guy I am today; avoidant of substance abuse/cheap junk food, and chooses not to partake in FwB/one-night stands. But I think it somewhat damaged me in a sense that I'm extremely high inhib about the activities I do (e.g. I never went to any festivals because I'm frightened about the stuff that goes on in there, like stampedes, plus sleeping in a minging tent) and people thinking I'm odd because I don't like meaningless slays (body count of 1 at age 24 from a failed relationship from a toxic girl).
I also don't want to get a whole set of STIs either; I like being clean. I kept that a secret from many of the people I did drinking games with at uni (I drank water JFL), because I know I'd be laughed at if I revealed I was a virgin at the time when they talked about sex acts they did. A body count of 0 as a male is frankly laughable, especially for a white-looking male like me.
After being unable to fit in with white people and their culture during secondary school, I started to embrace my ethnic side and rejected almost all white values, as I know I never will fit in with them anyway, especially not in what I believe is the most racist area of the UK. Most of my friends were other ethnics; the few that lived in my county and their friends who lived in London. I made friends with mostly ethnic students at Uni, but sometimes did DnD/nerdy activities with some white students (I didn't keep friends with any of them as they went their own ways). I feel I fit in better with other ethnics (of any ethnicity) rather than whites as I know I am free to be myself, embrace my culture without being judged.
And I guess that's why I don't include most the vast majority of white women in my dating pool; their dating style in general isn't compatible with my lifestyle. I don't think they'd feel comfortable with having a bunch of ethnic men with them either (i.e. me and my friends.)
No, I'm not a total pushover either, despite looking like some beta Cole Sprouse clone nerd. I do rock climbing, wouldn't be hesitant to fight other men (not women and children) if my safety is compromised and thinking of joining boxing classes. Being a man's man is definitely appealing to me; we were born to protect women and our offspring.
I wonder if being raised this way made me the high inhib, white-rejecting guy I am today.
I am also nametaxed.
Went to grammar school there, and felt racially segregated by the white students because I wasn't white enough for them, despite being half-white. I feel it's to do with how I was raised, rather than my race, as some half-white students were accepted by whites (i.e. the heavily white-washed ones).
Having a brainwashed (but cool and somewhat liberalized) convert former goth-raver mother and strict Arab immigrant dad didn't really help either, I guess. I didn't go to parties at school, didn't do any substances, couldn't blend in with the white students at all. My sister couldn't do these things either (but unlike me, she rebelled like crazy when she went to uni, and now looks like some stereotypical KPOP twitter stan with pink hair and DIY piercings which she doesn't use when she comes home for the holidays).
Some of the mixed white/something else students fitted in very well with the whites, especially the girls. There were two girls who were of the same ethnicity as me (and looked like white people too), were invited to 90% white parties and shit, but were mostly treated as side pieces and there just for entertainment/numbers. These were girls who wanted to be white so badly. One of them after uni even REVERTED BACK to her ethnic culture after trying to live life like a typical white girl. Both girls were also nametaxed.
I also questioned a girl (not nametaxed) who was also mixed and whitewashed (south Asian and white), only kept white friends, desperately wanted to be white and be accepted by them (while rejecting her ethnic side). She got so offended when I told her she wasn't white and wouldn't be accepted fully by white people.
So in secondary school, I mostly stayed with other ethnics, who coped with fancy cars and expensive clothes/thugmaxxing. These people were mostly seen as a source of entertainment. I had only one white friend from school.
I started to develop a strong fear of missing out due to the fact I was raised this way and therefore being extremely cautious about things, and it certainly affected my uni years.
Fast-forward to uni. I did go to parties here and there but avoided any substance abuse because of how high-inhib and protected I was back in secondary school. But after one year, I noticed how fast many of the white students were descending due to substance abuse, mostly alcohol and some drugs. I didn't want to become like them. So I took the time to lean down (I was overweight) and looksmax/take care of my skin, and within midway of my third year, I vastly improved my looks and noticed people treating me a lot better, particularly women. But I was still so high inhib and didn't want to slay like crazy, so I kept to myself and remained incel.
My god, white foids with the strong East End accents, loud voices yelling "LICHERALLY" in the library and baggy clothes annoyed the fuck out of me. They were so white they refused to associate with any non-whites.
I think all this made me the guy I am today; avoidant of substance abuse/cheap junk food, and chooses not to partake in FwB/one-night stands. But I think it somewhat damaged me in a sense that I'm extremely high inhib about the activities I do (e.g. I never went to any festivals because I'm frightened about the stuff that goes on in there, like stampedes, plus sleeping in a minging tent) and people thinking I'm odd because I don't like meaningless slays (body count of 1 at age 24 from a failed relationship from a toxic girl).
I also don't want to get a whole set of STIs either; I like being clean. I kept that a secret from many of the people I did drinking games with at uni (I drank water JFL), because I know I'd be laughed at if I revealed I was a virgin at the time when they talked about sex acts they did. A body count of 0 as a male is frankly laughable, especially for a white-looking male like me.
After being unable to fit in with white people and their culture during secondary school, I started to embrace my ethnic side and rejected almost all white values, as I know I never will fit in with them anyway, especially not in what I believe is the most racist area of the UK. Most of my friends were other ethnics; the few that lived in my county and their friends who lived in London. I made friends with mostly ethnic students at Uni, but sometimes did DnD/nerdy activities with some white students (I didn't keep friends with any of them as they went their own ways). I feel I fit in better with other ethnics (of any ethnicity) rather than whites as I know I am free to be myself, embrace my culture without being judged.
And I guess that's why I don't include most the vast majority of white women in my dating pool; their dating style in general isn't compatible with my lifestyle. I don't think they'd feel comfortable with having a bunch of ethnic men with them either (i.e. me and my friends.)
No, I'm not a total pushover either, despite looking like some beta Cole Sprouse clone nerd. I do rock climbing, wouldn't be hesitant to fight other men (not women and children) if my safety is compromised and thinking of joining boxing classes. Being a man's man is definitely appealing to me; we were born to protect women and our offspring.
I wonder if being raised this way made me the high inhib, white-rejecting guy I am today.
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