elcrusader
maybe one bright day
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2023
- Posts
- 364
- Reputation
- 406
Today at school it was mostly good and normal, until we had PE. Even worse it was floorball.
At first I could somehow focus, but my mind kept drifting away. It felt like I was on autopilot.
I almost felt like I was fading away from existence, almost was a ghost. For some reason I was
constantly thinking weird thoughts about nothing mattering and me being nonexistent and me being
unable to do anything. I couldnt concentrate on the game at all, I was just thinking. I felt so odd, but I didn't realise it.
I felt that I was a burden towards my teammates, but I couldn't even say any words. I couldn't
run after the ball, my decision making was slow and my precision was bad.
After our class ended and we got to go home, my stupid thoughts continued. When I was waiting
for my ride I became delusional, I thought the snow was going to do something evil to me.
When the cute thai girl said hi to me I was confused, she did look at me but I wasnt sure if she
actually talked to me and I couldn't respond to her. I thought that I was going insane because,
I wasn't sure if she actually said hi or if I heard it in my head.
After my ride came I felt like a dumbass, because I started thinking that she said hi to me.
Also when I was asked questions, I only muttered some words or didnt even answer the questions.
I also still felt like shit and I was going insane. I felt like I was fucking Kaneki Ken with a
new personality. When we came home, the people talking made me frustrated and I didn't really
listen. I heard them talking, but I just thought they should shut up. (I didnt tell them to)
When I got home I started laying on my bed, thinking nothing in this world matters. When I was
given food, I ate it like a task. Yes, I did things because I thought they were tasks and I had
to do them. And when the potatos were too hot and almost burned my lips, I was shocked and
something triggered me so I threw the fork in the air and ran to my room. I was sitting in my bed
in severe anguish. I was asked why I did it and I couldn't answer, I didnt even answer. I wished
they left. I muttered that the potatoes burned my lips. They told me to come eat the food.
I waited in my bed in anguish, until I told myself to complete the task of eating the potatoes.
After I ate them I went to my room, and I wished that I didn't exist. I wished that I would just
die and I wished nothing but death to this world. It was my first time suicidal. After a couple
hours of rotting in my room watching stupid tiktoks and youtube, I calmed down and I feel normal
now (not as normal as before). Also I didn't tell anybody about my feelings.
At first I could somehow focus, but my mind kept drifting away. It felt like I was on autopilot.
I almost felt like I was fading away from existence, almost was a ghost. For some reason I was
constantly thinking weird thoughts about nothing mattering and me being nonexistent and me being
unable to do anything. I couldnt concentrate on the game at all, I was just thinking. I felt so odd, but I didn't realise it.
I felt that I was a burden towards my teammates, but I couldn't even say any words. I couldn't
run after the ball, my decision making was slow and my precision was bad.
After our class ended and we got to go home, my stupid thoughts continued. When I was waiting
for my ride I became delusional, I thought the snow was going to do something evil to me.
When the cute thai girl said hi to me I was confused, she did look at me but I wasnt sure if she
actually talked to me and I couldn't respond to her. I thought that I was going insane because,
I wasn't sure if she actually said hi or if I heard it in my head.
After my ride came I felt like a dumbass, because I started thinking that she said hi to me.
Also when I was asked questions, I only muttered some words or didnt even answer the questions.
I also still felt like shit and I was going insane. I felt like I was fucking Kaneki Ken with a
new personality. When we came home, the people talking made me frustrated and I didn't really
listen. I heard them talking, but I just thought they should shut up. (I didnt tell them to)
When I got home I started laying on my bed, thinking nothing in this world matters. When I was
given food, I ate it like a task. Yes, I did things because I thought they were tasks and I had
to do them. And when the potatos were too hot and almost burned my lips, I was shocked and
something triggered me so I threw the fork in the air and ran to my room. I was sitting in my bed
in severe anguish. I was asked why I did it and I couldn't answer, I didnt even answer. I wished
they left. I muttered that the potatoes burned my lips. They told me to come eat the food.
I waited in my bed in anguish, until I told myself to complete the task of eating the potatoes.
After I ate them I went to my room, and I wished that I didn't exist. I wished that I would just
die and I wished nothing but death to this world. It was my first time suicidal. After a couple
hours of rotting in my room watching stupid tiktoks and youtube, I calmed down and I feel normal
now (not as normal as before). Also I didn't tell anybody about my feelings.
