chaddyboi66
E V I S C E M O G G E R
- Joined
- May 3, 2020
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Happy Valentine's Day ---.
Forgive me for being a bit awkward or all over the place with my words here,
But knowing me you're well probably familiar with just how bad I am at articulating them and telling people how I feel.
Even if it is a bit selfish of me to want it or even just cringe,
I often wonder if I often wish that you're still thinking of me every now and then, even if it's not as often as I think of you, be it in a good way or bad one tbh.
For most of the early years of my life I'd spent them running away the very concept of love, often telling myself it just wasn't for me or that I simply didn't need it,
But in truth I was really just scared that I wasn't worthy of it myself.
Meeting you changed everything for me though, because I realized for the first time I really did want what I couldn't have.
Falling in love didn't make me scared, it made me brave.
I still remember the night we first met at that stupid arcade, and how you dared me to ask Mr. ------- if he thought I was pretty.
Holy fuck that's cringe, yeah I don't really know why I brought that up but anyway...
---, there were a lot of things I wish I could go back and fix or do differently back then, but I know I ultimately can't.
You really meant a lot to me, still do tbh, but I was never brave enough to even try to let you know it.
Because in truth I'm a coward.
More than anything though, I just want to be able to tell you that I'm sorry for being such a coward back then,
And there will never come a day where I'll ever be ashamed to admit how I really feel about you again.
It was because of you I was able to find my heart, yet it's because of you I also learned what it felt like to have it break.
I'm still grateful though, because the memories I was able to make with you still float through my mind.
They truly were They truly are the happiest ones I was ever able to experience...
...and share.
I'm also not gonna lie, I did try to move but every time I met someone new I'd always just remember something silly from back then.
Like all the times you'd make of me or even that one time you tried stabbing me with a pencil.
You know some people might even consider that legit bullying or something.
Sometimes I even thought to myself maybe you really did enjoy making fun of me at my own expense just a bit too much.
Still, I never really did ever mind it cause I always loved being able to make you smile, and I always thought you were beautiful every time you did.
You know I think it was the first I ever held your hand that I realized just how special girls can really be, as I never imagined hands could ever feel so warm and soft.
There were times I'd often try asking God why he even bothered letting me fall in love with you if only to take you away.
There were times I tried telling myself I wished I never met You, even if I deep down I always knew I never actually meant it.
I don't think I could forget about you even if I tried, cause I see your face every time I see a dark haired girl with bangs.
Besides it's not like I even want to forget about you either, since I also dream of you pretty often, like almost every week actually.
I hope you're happy and well, and you're going after that dream just like you always said you would.
I remember one time I actually said you'd never be able to make it, it was a joke and I thought you'd know that but I still always regretted saying it...
Because I always knew if anyone could it'd be you.
You're one of the most dedicated and passionate people I know when it comes to what you love, and I always admired that about you.
As painful as it might be for me to admit, I do actually hope you have someone to love you the way Inever could never did.
But...
One day I'll see you again.
And...
One day I'll tell you.
I love You ---, I always have, and I always will.
Love, --------.
Forgive me for being a bit awkward or all over the place with my words here,
But knowing me you're well probably familiar with just how bad I am at articulating them and telling people how I feel.
Even if it is a bit selfish of me to want it or even just cringe,
For most of the early years of my life I'd spent them running away the very concept of love, often telling myself it just wasn't for me or that I simply didn't need it,
But in truth I was really just scared that I wasn't worthy of it myself.
Meeting you changed everything for me though, because I realized for the first time I really did want what I couldn't have.
Falling in love didn't make me scared, it made me brave.
I still remember the night we first met at that stupid arcade, and how you dared me to ask Mr. ------- if he thought I was pretty.
Holy fuck that's cringe, yeah I don't really know why I brought that up but anyway...
---, there were a lot of things I wish I could go back and fix or do differently back then, but I know I ultimately can't.
You really meant a lot to me, still do tbh, but I was never brave enough to even try to let you know it.
Because in truth I'm a coward.
More than anything though, I just want to be able to tell you that I'm sorry for being such a coward back then,
And there will never come a day where I'll ever be ashamed to admit how I really feel about you again.
It was because of you I was able to find my heart, yet it's because of you I also learned what it felt like to have it break.
I'm still grateful though, because the memories I was able to make with you still float through my mind.
T
...and share.
I'm also not gonna lie, I did try to move but every time I met someone new I'd always just remember something silly from back then.
Like all the times you'd make of me or even that one time you tried stabbing me with a pencil.
You know some people might even consider that legit bullying or something.
Sometimes I even thought to myself maybe you really did enjoy making fun of me at my own expense just a bit too much.
Still, I never really did ever mind it cause I always loved being able to make you smile, and I always thought you were beautiful every time you did.
You know I think it was the first I ever held your hand that I realized just how special girls can really be, as I never imagined hands could ever feel so warm and soft.
There were times I'd often try asking God why he even bothered letting me fall in love with you if only to take you away.
There were times I tried telling myself I wished I never met You, even if I deep down I always knew I never actually meant it.
I don't think I could forget about you even if I tried, cause I see your face every time I see a dark haired girl with bangs.
Besides it's not like I even want to forget about you either, since I also dream of you pretty often, like almost every week actually.
I hope you're happy and well, and you're going after that dream just like you always said you would.
I remember one time I actually said you'd never be able to make it, it was a joke and I thought you'd know that but I still always regretted saying it...
Because I always knew if anyone could it'd be you.
You're one of the most dedicated and passionate people I know when it comes to what you love, and I always admired that about you.
As painful as it might be for me to admit, I do actually hope you have someone to love you the way I
But...
One day I'll see you again.
And...
One day I'll tell you.
I love You ---, I always have, and I always will.
Love, --------.
