chaddyboi66
E V I S C E M O G G E R
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- May 3, 2020
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...and I wasn't invited again.
Last year was pretty brutal tbh but then again so were the rest ever since She left ngl.
looksmax.org
I guess the biggest thing that's really changed since then is my outlook toward how I'm planning to fix all of this and my life.
By finding the right motivationmaxx, unlimited power...
looksmax.org
Getting a source for adderall in GTA, so I can Limitless/IQmaxx, also really helped with that tbh cause now things are looking so clear and I really feel like I can actually do it and fix everything now.
looksmax.org
From here on out I'll focus on IQmaxxing, money/successmaxxing, NT/social-skillmaxxing, and gathering knowledge for legit hard looksmaxes that work like surgeries.
When I ascend in the future I'll patch things up with my Oneitis, and until then I just need to focus on my mission and goals, but make no mistake I'm not going to try to forget about Her because I don't really think I could even if I did [try], besides it's not like I need or want to anyway.
I unironically can't even believe I'm actually feeling semi-optimistic for once, let alone on today of all days of course, but I am.
Because for the first time in a really long time, I actually feel like I know what to do.
Happy birthday, ---.
Last year was pretty brutal tbh but then again so were the rest ever since She left ngl.
It's my Oneitis's Birthday Today, but I wasn't invited...
I loved Her with all my heart, I really dido. Oh fuck where did it all so wrong, why do waste what time I still have left Eviscerating curries on some fucking incel site? Oh my Lord my God help me because I can't cope can't anymore, why did you give me Her to love if only to take Her from me...
looksmax.org
I lovedHer with all my heart, I reallydiddo.
Oh fuck where did it all so wrong, why do waste what little time I still have left Eviscerating curries on some fucking incel site?
Oh my Lord my God help me because I can't cope anymore, why did you give Her for me to love if only to take Her from me just as quickly as you did, was I somehow in some sick twisted ironic kind of way supposed to learn some stupid fucking lesson?
Because if so the only thing I've learned after all these years is just how much I hate myself for it, for ever being stupid enough to fall in love.
She was the best thing to ever happen to me, and through my utter cowardice and ineptitude, the worst thing too when I just let Her go without even so much as trying to stop Her.
jfl She's prob getting birthday sex rn too
I really hope not though ngl
tbh tbh
Fucking hell I didn't even get to say goodbye until a year later, but even then I still somehow managed to fuck that up too.
I cope with the false hope that I'll eventually looksmax or I'll research surgeries and other shit I need to ascend, but in truth I just waste time roasting other pathetic losers and making edgy jokes on Offtopic for that ever fleeing dopamine high.
But rest assured I know... I know I can't cope like this for much longer.
Godfuckingdamn it I fucking hate February.
I was htn back in school, I didn't even get any fucking iois cause girls literally approached me asking to hang out, but being as cucked as I am I always rejected them because of Her.
Even when I sleep I find no peace, as I'm forced to constantly be reminded of my mistakes by reliving the same painful memories over and over again, and yet every time I'm actually awake and try to remember what Her face, Her smile, Her bright Amber eyes used to look like I can't even be given that as all I'll ever get to see is a blurry face that grows more and more difficult to hang onto as each of the days go by; all I have left are the same old feelings of love She brought into my life, and warmth She was able to bring my heart.
I hate you @chaddyboi66. I hate you so Goddamn much.
I can't help but think of Her every time I see @Marsiere214's [old] stupid avis as I scroll along on this Godforsaken shit forum, everyday it breaks my heart again and again with that [his other old one] stupid fucking avi of his Srs.
I can't help but think of all the different ways I fucked up and all the ways I could've done things differently to keep Her in my life.
I wish I could ascend so I could be with Her.
I wish I could looksmax and actually use this site for more than just rotting away on Offtopic.
I wish I had the courage to own up to my mistakes and most of all the courage just to move on.
I wish I could've told Her how I really felt about her, how She made my world bright and my heart warm.
I wish the few memories I still have of Her didn't have to be seen through the lens of my bitter pride.
I wish I didn't have to rely on hoping I manage to dream of Her just to see her face again.
I wish I didn't have to relive the embarrassment and ridicule I'd regularly put myself through to hear Her laugh, just so I can smile again.
I wish I didn't have to wait for my dreams to feel Her warm soft touch again.
I wish I didn't have to see @Sny's stupid Goddamn avi every time I want to remember Her smile or Her bright Amber eyes.
I wish I didn't have to constantly remind myself on social media that She's being fucked by some mid-tier ethnic normie with a decent jaw, just to know if She's okay and happy.
I wish I didn't have to know that said mid-tier ethnic normie with a decent jaw could probably love Her better in every way than I ever could, and never did for that matter.
I wish I didn't have to remember what it felt like losing Her56 years ago just to remember what it's like to feel something at all.
I wish I wasn't so self aware to the fact that I'm essentially living another play by play account of every other ER-esque Giga rotter's miserable Godforsaken life on these shit forums, unrequited one true love and all.
I wish I didn't have to bear the guilt that comes from knowing I could've done so much more had I simply mustered up the courage to tell Her earlier.
I wish I didn't have to wait till almost a year later to recognize the IOIs my very own Oneitis, my one true beloved ---, was giving me all throughout our time together.
I wish I didn't have to bear the weight that comes from the guilt of knowing how I brought all of this on myself due to having chance after chance given to me by Her before it finally was too late, because I was too much of a coward to admit that I did in fact love while I still had time to act.
I wish I could go back and slap some sense into myself for not having the self respect to acknowledge that not only could She in fact ever love a fool as pathetic as me, but once upon a time She really did.
I wish I wasn't such a fool when it came to girls, a loveless fool, especially when it came to Her.
I wish one day I can tell Her just how much I...
I wish every day I could tell Her just how much I love Her.
I wish one day I'd beworthy enough to be able to hear Her tell me just how much She... worthy of being able to hear the same thing.
I wish I wasn't stuck on Her wishing for things I worry will never be a reality for me.
I wish I weren't so pessimistic about never getting the things I want in my life.
I wish I weren't so cynical about being happy.
I wish my parents didn't have to know I browse this forum.
I wish my parents didn't have to be so disappointed in me, and I wish I didn't have to disappoint them like I did myself.
I wish I didn't have to embarrass and burden them with how much of a failure I've become.
I wish I didn't have to embarrass myself writing this shit here.
I wish I didn't have to burden you with being forced to read it.
I wish I were dead.
I wish I were alive.
Sometimes I wish for both.
Other times I just wish for something real.
Love, true love, is real.
I think I'm finally going try to get some sleep now.
And God, since I know you're always listening, I'm sorry for not being grateful for all of the good things you've given me [[ISPOILER]like Her[/ISPOILER]] and for granting me life and parents that care for and love me dearly. I'm sorry for not giving just a few minutes of my day to pray and thank you for all of this, or to just talk to you. I'm also sorry for all of the negative thoughts I have throughout the day and sins I commit, and also for saying I want to die sometimes, it's selfish as you're the one who gave me life to begin with and the one who has the authority to take it away just as well. Thank you Lord for everything you've given me, and thank you for always being there for me and guiding me when I feel lost and alone for I know you're always there with me. Most of all Lord, thank you for allowing me to experience what's it's like to truly love another person through my Oneitis, as even though I'm not currently with Her now I'm immensely grateful for the few memories I was able to share with Her and for being shown I was able to love. Have mercy on me Lord for I'm greatly flawed and a sinner, grant unto me your ever encompassing grace so that I may overcome these flaws and reject my sinful ways to live a more Godly life. Thank you Lord, Amen.
Happy Birthday [ISPOILER]---[/ISPOILER].
[ISPOILER] [/ISPOILER]
I guess the biggest thing that's really changed since then is my outlook toward how I'm planning to fix all of this and my life.
By finding the right motivationmaxx, unlimited power...
ULTIMATE [DARK TRIAD] Maxxing GUIDE - How to Harness Your Hatred and Focus Your Anger FOR UNLIMITED Motivation and POWER- HOLY FUCK GTFIH & VOTE!!!
So previously I've asked the question of how to do this. https://looksmax.org/threads/how-can-i-harness-and-focus-my-hatred.563881/ But I'm pretty confident I think I know now. For the longest time now I've used my values, the things I want or believe in, or even just hope when I was...
looksmax.org
Getting a source for adderall in GTA, so I can Limitless/IQmaxx, also really helped with that tbh cause now things are looking so clear and I really feel like I can actually do it and fix everything now.
Holy Fuck I Just Gained access to Legit Adderall Source in minecraft - Limitless Pill [Success]
scammer jew [i can say that I'm jewish now srs] doctor wanted to put me on anti depressants and wouldn't give me any stimulants :feelsuhh: and this is despite unrionically checking the boxes for most symptoms of legit adhd :feelswah...
looksmax.org
From here on out I'll focus on IQmaxxing, money/successmaxxing, NT/social-skillmaxxing, and gathering knowledge for legit hard looksmaxes that work like surgeries.
When I ascend in the future I'll patch things up with my Oneitis, and until then I just need to focus on my mission and goals, but make no mistake I'm not going to try to forget about Her because I don't really think I could even if I did [try], besides it's not like I need or want to anyway.
I unironically can't even believe I'm actually feeling semi-optimistic for once, let alone on today of all days of course, but I am.
Because for the first time in a really long time, I actually feel like I know what to do.
Happy birthday, ---.
