synock21
DM open for personal advice
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2023
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I got plastic surgery and I have conflicted feelings about how it changed my life
I'm a 30 year old guy, who always had problems with his looks. I had a disproportionate bone inside my nose and my jaw was recessed. It's a look some people call 'birdface'. Not to mention horrible acne, buck teeth, glasses and early balding. I always tried my best to look presentable still. But one day something changed. After being jokingly called ugly by another person for the n-th time in my life, my mental health deteriorated. I got diagnosed with Body Dysmorphia, although my flaws were real. I wasn't so ugly to make children scream, but ugly enough to get punished for it in different areas of my life, especially romantic relationships.
I always tried to make up for it with confidence and humor. Before I got diagnosed with BDD, I was a stage comedian with some successes under my belt. But I always had a feeling that I'm fighting an uphill battle, even being as confident and funny as I could. Over the course of the years I was in a few a bit short (like 1 year) relationships and had an ONS or two, but never felt sexually desired. It always felt like I MUST be FUNNY and I MUST be CHARISMATIC to make up for the way I look. It was so tiring. Online dating went nowhere, never got any matches.
I went to therapy and was told that plastic surgery is not the way to get out of this rut. That I just lack self esteem. It was good, I learned some useful tools to overcome the worst moments and it gave me some peace of mind. But I still didn't feel healthy.
But then, I took all the money I saved over the years that I had and got two surgeries - one for my nose and one for my jaw plus took off my braces. All in one year.
Right this moment I'm sitting on my bed and crying. I just had great and passionate sex with a woman I find very attractive, after so many years. I got showered with compliments. It was open, it was respectful, it was fun.
I didn't do anything different than before. I just took one new post surgery picture, uploaded it to tinder. We went on two dates. I behaved like I always do. But the overall feeling is that it was so much smoother, so much easier. Before that, I could see the spark in women's eyes after some longer time, when we got to know each other etc. But I can see that spark now from the beginning. People are more open to me, they smile a lot and make small talk.
I just can't get over absurdity of it all. All the years I felt alone, and now, a few weeks after post-op healing, my desires came true. With all the close people telling me "I don't look that bad" (despite the name calling by assholes) and that "You can be attractive to some people". With the therapist making me not go the plastic surgery way, but the quality of my life is so much higher than ever before. Instantly improving my mental health. It was a second time in my life, where I disregarded all opinions, professional and not professional and just went with what my gut told me by risking it all. And again it worked.
I am happy, I am tired, I am bitter. Thank you for reading this.
