HST
𝔰𝔲𝔟 𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔞 ® | ⭐
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- Jul 9, 2024
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Table Of Content
List of Illnesses
Mental Health Stigma (How Others Perceive You)
Medicine
A Few Of My Experiences
Thread Song
My Hospital Experience
For the past few days ive been in and out of the hospital unfortunately. I've been having extreme panic attacks and was diagnosed with dpdr and schizophrenia from the things ive been experiencing.
The medicine im being injected with (Ativan) has been helping me a shit ton and has snapped me back into reality.
Im probably gonna have to keep getting shots until im able to be prescribed.
They injected me with an iv and im but holy shit when they injected im they hit my bone and i was fucking gasping in pain lol.
Keep in mind my arms are pretty big so the needle in comparison to that is insane.
After that the psyche came in again and did the diagnosis.
I'm getting the diagnosis revaluated just incase because that type of diagnosis isn't a joke.
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Illnesses I Possess
Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder
Depersonalization
Wow this was the craziest mindfuck ive ever experienced. I was literally watching someone else use my body while i watched through a screen. There was 2 voices in my head.
One was the one that would keep up with my present actions happening in my real life. The other one was much louder than number 1. It was stressing me out. Policing what i was feeling and telling me i wasn't real. My hands weren't mine. I would have frequent panic attacks. I mean who wouldn't. I felt like i was trapped in a warm void. I had pressure all over my body and the worst thing is, someone else was controlling me.
I had to keep yelling at myself. IM REAL. IM REAL.
Example
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Derealiazation
This one happened right after my dp and honestly wasn't nearly as bad or scary. The worlds quality scaled up and i suddenly had severe motion blur. Like a game. I was fully convinced the world around me was fake and once again. THEY'RE REAL. THEY'RE REAL.
This is when i got my im shot today and it completely resolved it. At first i was convinced my mom was an npc then only a few hours later we were watching ww2 movies so that was nice lol.
Example
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ShcizophreniaI dont have this severely thank god. I've definitely heard a few unpleasant voices like the ones convincing me i wasn't real earlier. If i gave into it i unironically would've accidently killed myself because i was trying to stop whatever was going on.
If I listened then it would've been Game Over.
Example
Me:
Are you actually skitz, someone told me you were on dc
if so, what's your experience like.
I’m in the hospital rn and they’re trying to diagnose me as a schizo or I have dpdr
BuccalFatRemoval :
Yeah i am
I mean idrk how to describe it, i just am.
I’m more prone to audible hallucinations (voices and sounds) than to physical hallucinations but when deep in psychosis it happens
I mainly have self criticizing voices that are rather negative and aggressive
Me:
Do you think it’s a serious influence to your life.
Have you ever wanted to give in to the voices?
Buccal:
It is and I have, and it’s not just commands.
As I said they’re often self criticizing, so it heavily affects how I perceive myself (at least that’s what others say)
And I often feel like there’s certain thoughts in my head that aren’t mine, kinda sliced in.
And depersonalization/dissociation very commonly.
All of these heavily influence my life I’d say••●━━━━━━●••
Body DysmorphiaI used to have extreme body dysmorphia to the point i would skip mirrors. Anyway it's nearly gone now so a short summary is below.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a mental health condition in which a person becomes preoccupied with perceived flaws or defects in their physical appearance that are either not observable or appear very slight to other people. The distress and disruption caused by these concerns are significant.
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Disclaimer For The Illnesses Below
Beyond this point i dont have any of these so now your getting experiences from studies, or online experiences.
Schizoaffective DisorderPebloop on reddit :
Since I am on medication I am pretty stable but before I would often have crisis, like I thought my lamp or a doll would try to kill me in my sleep or that I could go through the ground, i would feel really bad and scared for no reasons, I would send messages to my friends that I'm a monster and that I deserved to die, ...
I would dissociate a whole lot (I still do a bit too much). I struggle to jeep my home and myself clean, I lack motivation and I have really few feelings, I struggle to express myself, sometime I'm really depressed and I can do nothing, other times I'm really excited and motivated (and obsessed with something) and I don't sleep for 3 days, ... My memory is a bit random too, I don't remember important stuff, but I remember small useless details.
I think that's it ?Combines symptoms of schizophrenia (hallucinations, delusions, disorganized thinking) with significant mood episodes (major depression or mania). There are two main types: bipolar type and depressive type. The psychotic symptoms persist even outside of major mood episodes (this helps distinguish it from bipolar disorder with psychotic features or major depression with psychotic features). Treatment usually involves antipsychotics plus mood stabilizers or antidepressants, along with therapy and support.Major Depressive DisorderBelieve me or not. I had this for 8 years of my life. Though i didnt put it in the experience section because i dont remember anything... Im pretty sure my body completely removed all the experiences i had with it.
thinmugs :
I was diagnosed around 18, but have been suffering since a child. Unfortunately, it comes in waves. I’m never depression free, but I have low lows and have to navigate them without going into crisis mode, which inevitably happens sometimes. Finding a med that works is a great start, but it’s a process and even then your body becomes resistant to it after a while and you have to change.
You’ll find as you get to know it more that certain things will trigger it. Even now being 29, I struggle to recognize the trigger until after I’m already drowning.
The hope for someone just diagnosed at 29 is that it won’t be life long for you. There are also alternative treatments such as ketamine infusions that can really make a difference if you find your type is treatment resistant.
My biggest advice is - find a therapist. The guilt you carry is real and some days all you can do is survive, and that’s okay. Find an outlet, for me this is journaling or creating art. But remember not to judge yourself when you don’t feel well enough to do it. And finally, you’ll notice you connect more with poets, writers, musicians, etc. you are not alone in this even though it feels that way.
Summary
Delusional Disorder
Nobody seems to talk about this because delusional people dont know their delusional lol.
So heres a summary from studies.The main feature is one or more fixed, false beliefs (delusions) that last at least one month, without the broader range of symptoms seen in schizophrenia (such as prominent hallucinations, disorganized speech, or major functional collapse in all areas). Delusions can be persecutory, jealous, erotomanic, somatic, or grandiose. Functioning outside the delusional theme may remain relatively intact. Antipsychotic medication and therapy are commonly used.
Borderline Personality Disorder
[deleted]
•3y ago• :
I've always thought of it as two brains in my head fighting each other. The reality brain and the BPD brain. One of them knows my friend is busy and that's why they haven't responded to my 10 messages; the other one believes they don't like me anymore or are not wanting to respond because they're mad, and want me to stop talking to them. The latter usually wins, and I send 10 more messages because haha; great idea.
The reality brain wants me to take my mental health seriously and not look at Twitter, the BPD brain wants me to comment on the bigot making transphobic claims, because I'm just as bad if I don't tell the person who won't listen to me that he's a terrible human being.
The reality brain thinks I should not care so much about how I present myself and my political ideas, and the BPD brain thinks I should hold myself accountable for everything I do, and I'm a shitty human being if someone gets into a band because of me, and then ends up thinking the singer is based because they have racist ideologies that I didn't know about.
It's like this with any BPD symptom I have. It is painful. Also my emotions are just a bunch of lightswitches. They're on full blast or off. There's no in-between. I'm nearly always debilitatingly happy, sad, depressed, bored, excited, angry, or feel absolutely nothing. It's not fun at all. It's probably a lot to do with why I'm so tired all the time.
Everyone experiences BPD differently though. This is just how I can describe it as I deal with it.
Marked by intense emotional instability, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, impulsive or self destructive behavior, chronic feelings of emptiness, and sometimes stress related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociation. When symptoms are intense and persistent, the level of impairment can be comparable to other serious mental illnesses. Evidence-based therapies (especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy) are central; medication is used for specific symptoms.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
APlacetoHideAway
•8y ago
Ooh this is fun. Where do I start?
Hi. I'm Kam. I'm 24. And I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I realized something was "wrong" probably at about 15 whenever I realized that I had pulled my right eyebrow completely out in a state of anxiety. (I would later learn, thanks therapy! That this is a response to boundary violations and my brain goes "If you pull out your hair no one can touch you.") however it goes further back than that. I have strong memories of compulsions all through childhood. My most specific one was I clacked my teeth. I had to clack my teeth in a specific rhythm in order to relieve my anxiety, which resulted in really horrible chipped teeth! (I probably need about 3k worth of dental care done Haha). Currently at the ripe old age of 24, it's face washing. I spent about 4+ hours a day on my face. Washing, moisturizing, oils, serums, you name it I own it and use it. I have sticky notes all over my bathroom. Products labeled. I've essentially taken over the sink. If I don't follow the routine I will be in a state of anxiety literally all day until I can come home and do it. I've started to keep "mini" routines in my office at work because it helps soothe the anxiety if I still do it, even if it's delayed. I'm trying to work on it but tbh, I'd rather take four hours out of my day for my face than be pulling my hair out again so, I guess it's pros and cons
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk lol
Involves unwanted, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) performed to reduce anxiety. In severe cases, rituals consume many hours per day and make normal work, school, or social life extremely difficult. Treatment usually combines Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy with medication (typically SSRIs at higher doses).
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)Beginning_Goal_6805
•4mo ago
I had someone try to kill me by choking me to death and I had to stab them 2 times to not die. I drove then to the hospital at knife point. The cops came, had 6 court dates, it was ruled self defense by the judge..... with that said, I usually feel anxious. Not exactly scared but I feel like a kid feels before a road trip. A nervous excitement that can very quickly switch to anger. Then it usually leads to me being mean to someone I love which leads to me feeling like a piece of trash. I've never hurt anyone I like because of the panicking that sets in but I feel like a wild animal that is caged. In my body I feel like there is this huge urge to fight something but then I have to control it and push down. I felt invincible, like look what happens when you try me.... then the nightmares came. It took 3 months for the nightmares to kick in, but after they did it controlled me. I have a dream of someone I trust and when I turn around they stab me, I run flee, fall down, then everything turns black. Then I wake up sweating, sometimes I jump from my bed. Since met my lady it has gotten better. However I still do not go into public much and I cant do crowds well. People do think im some bad ass but to me im a prisoner trapped in a life I wasn't suppose to live. I was nice, agreeable, considerate, and loving before.... now I harbor a lot of hate, and resentment. I frequently have panicking attacks. Mine usually lead to me being more aggressive so I just go to be by myself...... I hope this helps. Its a insight into MY PTSD..... much love to anyone else fighting this. My heart goes to you and know you aren't alone. I've posted my story to other reddit subs so if you see this again thats why.
In addition to re experiencing, avoidance, and hyperarousal, complex PTSD often includes severe emotion dysregulation, negative self-concept, and profound difficulties in relationships, usually linked to prolonged or repeated trauma. Impairment can be extensive. Trauma focused therapies are the mainstay of treatment.
Anorexia Nervosa (Severe)Substantial_Court235
•2y ago
That it’s not just about being ‘vain’ and wanting to look skinny, it’s different for everyone but a lot of the time it’s about numbing the pain from something else and about feeling in control. Also that people with anorexia often do eat every day, so just because you see someone with anorexia eating, doesn’t mean that they’re getting better. Last thing - it’s not as simple as just eating, mental work needs to be done first. Otherwise, if we’re forced to eat, that’ll just make relapse almost inevitable.
Example
Characterized by restriction of energy intake leading to significantly low body weight, intense fear of gaining weight, and disturbed body image. Severe cases carry high medical risk (cardiac problems, electrolyte imbalances, organ damage) and have one of the highest mortality rates among psychiatric disorders. Treatment requires medical stabilization plus psychological care.
Bipolar Disorder “Which of my feelings are real? Which of the me's is me? The wild, impulsive, chaotic, energetic, and crazy one? Or the shy, withdrawn, desperate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one? Probably a bit of both, hopefully much that is neither.”
Kay Redfield Jamison (read her book An Unquiet Mind if you haven’t for a more in depth look at BP)Bipolar disorder is a mood condition with episodes of depression (low energy, hopelessness, loss of interest) and mania or hypomania (high energy, little need for sleep, racing thoughts, impulsivity). Many people also have stable periods in between. It’s a real brain based condition, not a character flaw, and it can often be managed well with treatment, routine, and support.
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Anxiety Disorders (BLANKET)
Me: I unfortunately relate to this. Though it's hard for me put my experiences in words.
Go to TrueOffMyChest
r/TrueOffMyChest•6y ago
[deleted]
Anxiety is the fucking WORST and I don’t understand why people treat it as a fun personality quirk that makes them interesting
Please don’t take this as gatekeeping. I just know people who treat “feeling anxious every so often” as “having generalized anxiety disorder” when they are two totally different things.
I’m in bed. A half hour ago I was totally fine. Now I’m dizzy as hell having leg rigors (a new thing) from my body trembling and contracting itself so hard. My heart is racing, I can’t stop shaking, and I can feel a headache starting at the crown of my skull. This all came out of nowhere and I can’t get it to stop. My usual go-to anti-anxiety methods aren’t working.
I’ve been checked for brain tumors, aneurysms, brain injuries, diabetes, MS, you name it. There’s nothing wrong with me.
Except anxiety.
Every day is a struggle and I feel like a joke of a person because I can’t go one day without experiencing horrific anxiety. And there are people out there who are lucky enough to have never experienced this, but ignorant and bored enough with their lives to treat it as a fun thing that makes them interesting.
Anxiety isn’t interesting. It’s a fucking nightmare disorder and I miss the days when I could say, “Yeah, I have anxiety, but luckily it’s not too bad.” I was so naive then. I had no idea how much worse it was going to get over time. So many people are struggling with extreme anxiety this year, and still, so many people are privileged enough to treat it as a trend.
Stop doing this. You don’t WANT anxiety. It’s fucking terrible.
Now can someone please tell me how to get my body to calm down so I can go to sleep?
Edit: Idk what happened over the last few hours but thank you all for the support and advice and awards. I’m reading all comments but it’s Christmas Day so I can’t guarantee a reply! Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate, and if not, just a pleasant day.
And to answer some questions, I do mindfulness meditation, write in my journal nightly, yoga, and I have taken CBD oil but currently can’t afford it. I have a full blown nightly regimen I follow to help stop anxiety but it’s not always successful.
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Chronic, hard to control worry about multiple areas of life, often with restlessness, fatigue, irritability, muscle tension, and sleep problems.
- Panic Disorder: Recurrent, unexpected panic attacks (sudden surges of intense fear with physical symptoms like heart racing, shortness of breath, dizziness) plus ongoing worry about future attacks or their consequences.
- Social Anxiety Disorder: Intense fear of social situations where one might be scrutinized, leading to avoidance or intense distress.
- Specific Phobias: Strong, irrational fear of a particular object or situation (e.g., flying, heights, animals, blood) that leads to avoidance.
- Agoraphobia: Fear of situations where escape might be difficult or help unavailable if panic-like symptoms occur (e.g., crowds, public transport, open spaces).
- Separation Anxiety Disorder: Excessive fear of separation from attachment figures, more commonly diagnosed in children but can occur in adults.
Mental Health StigmaTypes of Stigma
Public stigma: Widespread stereotypes and prejudice in society (e.g., viewing people with mental illness as dangerous, weak, unpredictable, or incompetent).
Self-stigma: When people internalize those negative beliefs and apply them to themselves, leading to shame, low self-worth, and reluctance to seek help.
Institutional/structural stigma: Policies, practices, or systemic barriers that disadvantage people with mental illness (e.g., discrimination in hiring, housing, insurance coverage, or underfunding of mental health services compared with physical health).
Associative stigma: Stigma directed at family members, friends, or professionals connected to someone with a mental health condition.
Where Stigma Comes FromStigma is fueled by several overlapping factors:
Lack of accurate knowledge and reliance on stereotypes (media portrayals of violence, “craziness,” or permanent brokenness play a big role).
Fear of the unknown or of unpredictability.
Historical separation of mental illness from general medicine, which reinforced the idea that these conditions are fundamentally different or shameful.
Cultural beliefs that frame mental distress as personal weakness, moral failure, or spiritual defect rather than a health issue.
Visibility of severe symptoms without corresponding visibility of recovery.
ConsequencesDelays or prevents people from seeking treatment.
Increases social isolation, which itself worsens mental health. Isolation Guide < Thread i made on fixing isolation
Reduces employment, educational, and housing opportunities.
Contributes to lower self esteem and higher rates of hopelessness.
Can lead to poorer physical health care, as symptoms are sometimes dismissed or misattributed.
In extreme cases, it supports discriminatory policies or justification of abuse and neglect.
Medicine (IMPORTANT)
Listing Medicine That Helps (Only For Specific Disorders)
SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors)
Examples: sertraline (Zoloft), fluoxetine (Prozac), escitalopram (Lexapro), paroxetine (Paxil), fluvoxamine (Luvox), citalopram (Celexa)
These are the most commonly prescribed antidepressants. They work by increasing the amount of serotonin available between nerve cells in the brain. Serotonin influences mood, anxiety, and obsessive thinking.
They are generally well tolerated compared with older antidepressants. Common side effects include nausea, headache, sleep changes, and sexual side effects (reduced desire or difficulty reaching orgasm). Many side effects improve after the first couple of weeks. Stopping them suddenly can cause discontinuation symptoms, so they are usually tapered.
Major Depressive Disorder:lift mood, restore interest, improve energy and concentration, reduce anxiety and suicidal thoughts
Body Dysmorphic Disorder: reduce obsessive appearance thoughts and compulsive checking/camouflaging behaviors
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:reduce obsessions and the urge to perform compulsions (often at higher doses)
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: reduce re-experiencing, avoidance, negative mood, and hyperarousal symptoms
Borderline Personality Disorder: help with emotional reactivity, anxiety, and depressive symptoms
Ddpr: mainly helps reduce anxiety
Anorexia Nervosa: sometimes used after weight restoration for co-occurring depression, anxiety, or OCD-like symptoms
Schizoaffective Disorder: occasionally added for significant depressive symptoms (carefully)
SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors)
These increase both serotonin and norepinephrine. Norepinephrine affects energy, alertness, and attention, which is why SNRIs are sometimes preferred when fatigue or poor concentration is prominent. Duloxetine is also used for certain pain conditions.
Side effects are similar to SSRIs, but some people notice more sweating, dry mouth, or blood-pressure increases (especially with higher doses of venlafaxine). They also need to be tapered when stopping.
Major Depressive Disorder: treat depressed mood, low energy, and concentration problems; sometimes preferred when fatigue or pain features are present
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: reduce core PTSD symptom clusters (especially venlafaxine)
Atypical (Second-Generation) Antipsychotics
Examples: risperidone, olanzapine, quetiapine, aripiprazole, lurasidone, cariprazine, ziprasidone, paliperidone, asenapine
Block dopamine D2 receptors (helping with psychosis) and also affect serotonin receptors (which can help mood and reduce some side effects compared with older antipsychotics).
Side effect profiles differ. Olanzapine and quetiapine tend to cause more sedation and weight gain. Risperidone/paliperidone carry higher risk of prolactin elevation and movement side effects at higher doses. Aripiprazole, cariprazine, lurasidone, and ziprasidone generally cause less weight gain but can be more activating or cause restlessness. Metabolic monitoring (weight, blood sugar, cholesterol) is important.Schizophrenia
Schizoaffective Disorder
Delusional Disorder
Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Anorexia Nervosa
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Problems That Derive From Mental
Heart disease
High blood pressure
Stroke
Obesity
Type 2 diabetes
Metabolic syndrome
High cholesterol
Weakened immune system
Chronic inflammation
Gastrointestinal problems
Irritable bowel syndrome
Acid reflux
Chronic pain
Tension headaches
Migraines
Fibromyalgia
Sleep disorders
Insomnia
Sleep apnea
Sexual dysfunction
Low libido
Erectile dysfunction
Menstrual irregularities
Fertility problems
Osteoporosis
Bone density loss
Muscle tension and pain
Fatigue syndromes
Nutritional deficiencies
Vitamin D deficiency
Anemia
Dental problems
Gum disease
Tooth decay
Skin problems
Acne flares
Eczema worsening
Psoriasis flares
Hair loss
Respiratory infections
Higher risk of pneumonia
Cardiovascular disease
Arrhythmias
Blood clotting problems
Liver strain
Kidney stress
Medication-related metabolic issues
Weight gain
Weight loss / malnutrition
Dehydration
Electrolyte imbalances
Self harm injuries
Substance use disorders
Alcohol-related organ damage
Drug-related organ damage
Increased risk of accidents
Impaired wound healing
Chronic fatigue
Hormonal imbalances
Thyroid dysfunction
Adrenal stress effects
Premature aging effects
Higher risk of certain cancers (indirect associations)
Worsening of existing chronic illnesses
Reduced physical mobility
Poor cardiovascular fitness
Immune dysregulation
Increased infection susceptibility
Most Days I Just Sit In My Head Thinking About Life When I Was Normal@blinkers @0ogrpostcel @HST @Organ @hate @Vrilltrum
I Wish I Could Go Back
This Is My Reality Now
Wow, admiring the effort.
