What should I do ? (mental health)

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Please read the following I really need advice. I'm not trying to be edgy or something

I'm 19 years old and I feel like I'm not living life fully, never went on parties, didn't go on vacation for 4 years, I always go to school and never did something meaningful (I rot in my room mostly, it's been 8 years). I feel like I exist and don't exist at the same time, it's like living but not being present. I don't know if it's me bein ND and overthinking or not

What do I do ? I don't want to see a therapist because they're scammers and got no money anyways
 
do what you want do
 
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