Might kill myself someday

[Gaygymmaxx]

I'm not suicidal or anything. Far from it, actually. Just looking at this realistically. It just seems like an inevitable reality. I'm not talking anytime soon, I'm talking years from now. Decades, maybe. By that time, though, I will have been forgotten by people here, so that's good for two reasons. It means no one can feel bad for me nor can anyone celebrate it. I'll be forgotten in real life too, because I'm planning on moving to a new city someday, somewhere I've never been before.

I'm not the kind of person to talk about this stuff in real life. I'll just laugh, smile, make jokes you think aren't even funny. Or I'll be completely quiet. So I would never consider going into therapy or even talking to my friends about this. I just don't want any help. It's kind of funny because I'm often the guy who does help others. But I'm fine with that, I like helping others. I just don't like getting help in return. I don't know why, but I'm the same with gifts. I like giving them, but I don't want any myself. It's weird. I'm weird.

Serious replies only, I will be deleting troll posts. I never do this normally in my threads. Feel free to shitpost in the meantime, though, because I'll be making some chai first and then I'm gonna chill in the backyard and drink my chai in isolation. Then I gotta do some garden work since I haven't done it in a long while. I did a bit of it yesterday, but there was a wasp and I noped out.

No! What happened to my hero!

Ok I read every word... and nigga didn't even say what was wrong

Why do you feel life isn't worth living?

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Same boat as you. Might happen next year. Or in the next two. Almost guarranted

That’s way too soon bhai. And that too after you came back after your break?

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Yep. After the election it was downhill. Now it's barely usable sadly. This forum is the last bastion of good internet.

I unironically agree with you.

 

[Deleted member 32968]

I unironically agree with you.

What's your plan?
Mine is with a boat. Into the unknown.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

lol these were the times. i remember having a myspace acc, i had made friends with many emos there rawr xd. there were even at my elementary school, girls and boys with *that* kind of hairstyle, blasting nu metal and rock songs.

“Rawr xD” is a timeless classic. I used to be into pop punk and post-hardcore a lot. I even saw A Day to Remember live in 2010. People went wild during The Downfall of Us All. Didn’t have MySpace, we had a Dutch site called Hyves (maybe @emeraldglass and @MoggerGaston know).

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Travel the world and spend every last dime and money in the bank you have, then kill yourself on the gorgeous grassy hills of Switzerland if you so desire

I’m not fan of traveling but I plan on traveling to East Asia. Is it fine to rope underneath a Sakura tree?

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

JFL BHAI DM ME ON WHATSAPP

Okay bhai. Let me respond to all the other replies here.

 

[It'snotover]

It’s not hard for me to believe because I’m actually feeling the exact same way you do.

It's that feeling that you earn after going through a lot of shit and then you realise that suffering is not worth.

Thanks brother. But according to Islam, a degenerate who prays is much better than a non-degenerate who doesn’t pray. I am glad to hear you’re trying to be more religious as well as the fact you agree with my opinion. Based cockologist disciple.

Sounds truly fucked, like you said in pm eating pork is worse than women whoring around for Allah. I truly don't see how praying but then being an asshole would be better than someone who has a kind soul but doesn't pray, I am sure that despite the quran God would prefer the second. Also yeah, there is no reason to stay a degenerated or becoming one, that's a why most people are bad , they lack mentally and spirituals beliefs. You are based as well master.

 

[Deleted member 24770]

I feel you, man. I spend most of my time alone in my room. That’s because I’ve been NEETing for a long time. I’m going to college in two weeks or so, though, so that’s going to change. I’d rather stay at home though but I need an income to take care of myself haha. I also have memory problems, by the way. I only drink one cup of chai a day. I love chai. Just drank it in my backyard hours ago! Did some gardening work and damnit I started sweating. Most I’ve worked in a long time.

MashaAllah bro thats a start, keep it up u will gain momentum

 

[Deleted member 24770]

Okay bhai. Let me respond to all the other replies here.

Okay bhai I want to hear this story for sure

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

No! What happened to my hero!

Ok I read every word... and nigga didn't even say what was wrong

Why do you feel life isn't worth living?

Goofy ahh bozo read an essay innit.

Oh man, it’s a combination of many things. Grief started it all, isolation and keeping it bottled inside created a sense of indescribable loneliness. No sense of self-importance, to name a few things. Now I’m empty inside.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

What's your plan?
Mine is with a boat. Into the unknown.

That’s actually cool af, but scary af to me. I don’t know yet. I’m thinking classic rope. Definitely nothing as fucked up as trains like Schery did. He has massive balls for that.

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

Goofy ahh bozo read an essay innit.

Oh man, it’s a combination of many things. Grief started it all, isolation and keeping it bottled inside created a sense of indescribable loneliness. No sense of self-importance, to name a few things. Now I’m empty inside.

If I don't get a girlfriend in 2 years I'll be the same brah we can have some loner chai tea together in your garden

Also pls delete my posts before you rope bhai

 

[emeraldglass]

“Rawr xD” is a timeless classic. I used to be into pop punk and post-hardcore a lot. I even saw A Day to Remember live in 2010. People went wild during The Downfall of Us All. Didn’t have MySpace, we had a Dutch site called Hyves (maybe @emeraldglass and @MoggerGaston know).

Hyves feels like a whole different era, bro. I really miss those good old days. I can recall when YouTube was new, and the times when everyone had a Blackberry or iPhone 3. It's crazy how time zooms by.

 

[Deleted member 32968]

That’s actually cool af, but scary af to me. I don’t know yet. I’m thinking classic rope. Definitely nothing as fucked up as trains like Schery did. He has massive balls for that.

I was thinking to drive 2 hours away with a kayak to a beach in the north and start making my way. Will bring little junk food and water till i run out. Should be gone quickly without water. Nobody will find.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

It's that feeling that you earn after going through a lot of shit and then you realise that suffering is not worth.

So we reached that level that only someone who’s suffered a lot is able to reach? That’s kinda cool in its own way.

Sounds truly fucked, like you said in pm eating pork is worse than women whoring around for Allah. I truly don't see how praying but then being an asshole would be better than someone who has a kind soul but doesn't pray, I am sure that despite the quran God would prefer the second. Also yeah, there is no reason to stay a degenerated or becoming one, that's a why most people are bad , they lack mentally and spirituals beliefs. You are based as well master.

Haha no fratello, women (or men) whoring around isn’t less worse than eating pork. They’re both as bad. I agree with you, I don’t understand it either but alas, it’s God’s words and His words are true. Sometimes our feelings clash with what is reality and that is just what it is. There’s always exceptions though, nothing is ever black and white in Islam. Thanks bhai, means a lot.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

MashaAllah bro thats a start, keep it up u will gain momentum

Yeah, it’s good! I am always stuck at home (which I do like) but at the same time, I meet up with friends once in a while because they’re all so busy due to school or work or whatever. Now I can keep busy myself as well.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

If I don't get a girlfriend in 2 years I'll be the same brah we can have some loner chai tea together in your garden

Also pls delete my posts before you rope bhai

Not sure if I was gonna JFL react due to your last sentence or heart react due to your first sentence. But hell yeah, you’re welcome to hang out. JFL, I can’t delete all your posts though. I can delete a few.

 

[emeraldglass]

I don't have a reason to stay.

You're going to keep on living until natural death takes its course. Opting for suicide isn't on the table, as it goes against nature. Situations seem grim only when you dwell on such thoughts excessively and let them take the reins. When you distance yourself from those thoughts for a significant period, the pain gradually dissipates.

It might come across as harsh, but just as we didn't choose when to enter this world, we shouldn't have the power to exit it on our own terms. Life needs to follow its own course, with us accepting both the pain and the joy that come along. Absolute happiness remains elusive, just as does absolute pain.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Hyves feels like a whole different era, bro. I really miss those good old days. I can recall when YouTube was new, and the times when everyone had a Blackberry or iPhone 3. It's crazy how time zooms by.

Same! Some kid in elementary school showed us YouTube and this was in 6th grade, so that was 2006. The letters were red if you were writing something in the search box. I had an iPhone 4 in 2011. Everyone else had a blackberry haha.

 

[Deleted member 24770]

Yeah, it’s good! I am always stuck at home (which I do like) but at the same time, I meet up with friends once in a while because they’re all so busy due to school or work or whatever. Now I can keep busy myself as well.

Mirin bhai ur on the way to sorting urself out w for having friends tho ngl i was so aspie once i didnt have any irl friend interactions for a year and a half in covid JFL

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

I was thinking to drive 2 hours away with a kayak to a beach in the north and start making my way. Will bring little junk food and water till i run out. Should be gone quickly without water. Nobody will find.

That’s crazy creative, man. Although I would have stashed it with loads of junk food. Dying on an empty stomach? Oh hell naw.

 

[Deleted member 31155]

“Rawr xD” is a timeless classic. I used to be into pop punk and post-hardcore a lot. I even saw A Day to Remember live in 2010. People went wild during The Downfall of Us All. Didn’t have MySpace, we had a Dutch site called Hyves (maybe @emeraldglass and @MoggerGaston know).l

good times. it passes by so fast. kinda feel like ppl and the internet was more energetic back then compared to today. idk but something changed suddenly in mid 2010s.

Hyves feels like a whole different era, bro. I really miss those good old days. I can recall when YouTube was new, and the times when everyone had a Blackberry or iPhone 3. It's crazy how time zooms by.

flip phones were still a thing and everyone was outside without their phones jfl (2005)

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

Not sure if I was gonna JFL react due to your last sentence or heart react due to your first sentence. But hell yeah, you’re welcome to hang out. JFL, I can’t delete all your posts though. I can delete a few.

I mean the ones we were talking in dms jfl

I sent like 15 ignore the ones on ratings

 

[emeraldglass]

Same! Some kid in elementary school showed us YouTube and this was in 6th grade, so that was 2006. The letters were red if you were writing something in the search box. I had an iPhone 4 in 2011. Everyone else had a blackberry haha.

Those were the golden times. No such bullshit like these days, If people were to hear me speak, they might assume I'm 50, but in reality, I'm just 23. JFL.

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

@TRUE_CEL make sure you try atleast 250iu of LSD before dying it might make you reconsider

Thats genuine advice, it's a drug that has the potential to completely change your outlook and alter your brain chemistry

It is a completely sensible last resort and if you jump of a bridge while tripping sheit it's what you wanted innit

 

[emeraldglass]

flip phones were still a thing and everyone was outside without their phones jfl (2005)

Starting to feel old already?

 

[Deleted member 31155]

View attachment 2384176 Starting to feel old already?

do u remember the red ball nokia game?

 

[emeraldglass]

do u remember the red ball nokia game?

Do you remember snake xenzia?

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

You're going to keep on living until natural death takes its course. Opting for suicide isn't on the table, as it goes against nature. Situations seem grim only when you dwell on such thoughts excessively and let them take the reins. When you distance yourself from those thoughts for a significant period, the pain gradually dissipates.

It might come across as harsh, but just as we didn't choose when to enter this world, we shouldn't have the power to exit it on our own terms. Life needs to follow its own course, with us accepting both the pain and the joy that come along. Absolute happiness remains elusive, just as does absolute pain.

I understand what you mean. However, most people have something to live for in the future. I don’t have anything, when I think about the future. It’s a very bleak thing in my personal experience and by far, most - if not, all - people who have been in my situation have roped. I think? I honestly haven’t known anyone like that. What came close was this guy who lived next to my aunt who died in his home. They found his body months after he died. He was so decayed that the cops asked my aunt if the deceased was male or female. It’s crazy because I would stay over at my aunt’s place often and I basically lived next to an actual corpse without knowing it. Crazy.

 

[Deleted member 31155]

Do you remember snake xenzia?

yes i was gaming it as a sperm inside my fathers nutsack

 

[ongongfr]

I don't have a reason to stay.

what the blackpill does to a man. how did u discover .org and how did your desecend into the blackpill look like

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Mirin bhai ur on the way to sorting urself out w for having friends tho ngl i was so aspie once i didnt have any irl friend interactions for a year and a half in covid JFL

Honestly, friends are meaningless in my experience. They can’t always be there for you. But a partner will. That’s why I just want a partner but due to me being asexual, I find it very hard to like women. In my entire life, I only liked one. Technically two, but the first one I thought liked me, so I forced myself to like her. JFL.

 

[Schizomogger]

I’m not fan of traveling but I plan on traveling to East Asia. Is it fine to rope underneath a Sakura tree?

If you wanna make a cameo in logan paul vid? Go ahead!

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

good times. it passes by so fast. kinda feel like ppl and the internet was more energetic back then compared to today. idk but something changed suddenly in mid 2010s.

flip phones were still a thing and everyone was outside without their phones jfl (2005)

I will tell you what changed. The feminists created fourth wave feminism.

 

[It'snotover]

So we reached that level that only someone who’s suffered a lot is able to reach? That’s kinda cool in its own way.

I think so and if you think about it it kinda makes sense, once you suffered for a period of time for any cause then you can't really feel much, you just feel empty. Feeling calm is just the fact that you are fine or even happy with your current situatuon i guess.

Haha no fratello, women (or men) whoring around isn’t less worse than eating pork. They’re both as bad. I agree with you, I don’t understand it either but alas, it’s God’s words and His words are true. Sometimes our feelings clash with what is reality and that is just what it is. There’s always exceptions though, nothing is ever black and white in Islam. Thanks bhai, means a lot.

Well, already sounds better for them being both as bad. Just like you said there are always shades, and not just black or white, i am sure your god is compassionate towards good people even if they don’t pray as much as they should. Do not thank me, I am just being honest bhai

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

I mean the ones we were talking in dms jfl

I sent like 15 ignore the ones on ratings

Can you bump the PM? It must have been buried.

 

[Deleted member 21766]

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Those were the golden times. No such bullshit like these days, If people were to hear me speak, they might assume I'm 50, but in reality, I'm just 23. JFL.

Wow, you’re 23 already? I turn 28 later this year. And yeah haha I already feel like an old man and now I’m talking like one.

 

[Deleted member 23472]

but she will always think of her lovers before me, especially her first. That’s why I can’t go for anyone. And I’m too unattractive to be anyone’s first choice.

this really came from the heart.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

@TRUE_CEL make sure you try atleast 250iu of LSD before dying it might make you reconsider

Thats genuine advice, it's a drug that has the potential to completely change your outlook and alter your brain chemistry

It is a completely sensible last resort and if you jump of a bridge while tripping sheit it's what you wanted innit

I actually did try acid. In fact, last time I tripped was on 400 mcg. I had an ego death hahaha. Didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I became super confused too, but that even happened at 100 mcg. However the “fried brain” feeling sucks but I do like the aftermath of it, where I’m extremely calm and without a single worry in the world. That’s my favorite feeling ever. But I can’t rely on drugs for that. Thanks for your advice though, I’d say it’s solid. My friends who were depressed tried it themselves and told me they loved it and it helped them and fixed their depression, so I tried it as well. Three times in total.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

what the blackpill does to a man. how did u discover .org and how did your desecend into the blackpill look like

It’s not the blackpill. I was this way before discovering it. Blackpill just made me realize I wasn’t alone and that some people were actually ugly, unlike the whole personality BS that people love to spew. In reality, it’s a mix of both. I can tell you personality doesn’t mean jackshit to women if you don’t pass the looks threshold in their eyes. Unfortunately I didn’t pass that threshold for the girl I liked. Oh well..

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

If you wanna make a cameo in logan paul vid? Go ahead!

Lmfao. Back when he was a skinny mfer.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

I think so and if you think about it it kinda makes sense, once you suffered for a period of time for any cause then you can't really feel much, you just feel empty. Feeling calm is just the fact that you are fine or even happy with your current situatuon i guess.

It took me 7.5 years to feel this way. Wow. I wouldn’t describe myself as happy, though I can see why I easily give off such an illusion due to my smiling, laughing and cracking jokes all the time.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Well, already sounds better for them being both as bad. Just like you said there are always shades, and not just black or white, i am sure your god is compassionate towards good people even if they don’t pray as much as they should. Do not thank me, I am just being honest bhai

(bhai if you’re considering Christianity then you should realize both our “Gods” is actually the same one!)

I think just like how exceptions exist, I am the exception in the sense He doesn’t love me. Simple as that. I already accepted that though.

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

View attachment 2384182

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

this really came from the heart.

It really, really did. At least, from what’s left of it.

 

[rambocel]

I don't have a reason to stay.

Not having a reason to stay isn’t necessarily a reason to go

 

[ongongfr]

It’s not the blackpill. I was this way before discovering it. Blackpill just made me realize I wasn’t alone and that some people were actually ugly, unlike the whole personality BS that people love to spew. In reality, it’s a mix of both. I can tell you personality doesn’t mean jackshit to women if you don’t pass the looks threshold in their eyes. Unfortunately I didn’t pass that threshold for the girl I liked. Oh well..

i fucking hate when people say bliuedpileld shit like personality matters. humans are inatley savage beings. its the same reason why people treat attractive people better, its not by choice is subcouncoius. If a ugly guy cals a girl a whore and tells her to fuck she will be creeped, if sean o pry does it, she will be turned on and will cum 10+ times

 

[Ghost Philosophy]

Not having a reason to stay isn’t necessarily a reason to go

Damn, that’s… very philosophical. I like it! What do you propose?