Vermilioncore
god make my life great inc
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
- Posts
- 57,286
- Reputation
- 100,392
My mom said if I need money and she gave me some money but then came into my shitty homeless area in the bottom of the basement and told me my step dad is obsessed with cleaning and wants me to clean my shitty area up.
She also said basically “your girlfriend is happy right now and she’s doing her own thing so you need to do the same. You need to shower, dress nice, and clean up and show her you are strong. Worry about you. Your happiness comes first”
But what my mom and others do not understand is this: I hate myself, I have no worth, and I was never a happy person. Before I met my girlfriend, I was depressed and suicidal. Then, once I met her, my happiness bloomed and my sadness went back into the shadows. I finally knew what living was truly like. I knew what it was to be happy. But, now I’m back to square one; alone, depressed, suicidal, and in pain.
So, fuck putting my happiness first. I have no happiness. How the fuck can someone like me be motivated when his life is shit? Where will the motivation stem from? What is the end goal? I will always remain an ugly lonely loser, so what’s there to be happy about? Who am I ‘getting dressed up’ for? Why clean up my shitty basement area? For what reason shall I do anything?
I wish people would understand that a failure who is depressed and lost everything has NO motivation whatsoever. The last thing on their fucking mind is showering and cleaning up. They want to legit die. No one understands this pain of depression. They think a man is weak for being broken.
Fuck this world.
She also said basically “your girlfriend is happy right now and she’s doing her own thing so you need to do the same. You need to shower, dress nice, and clean up and show her you are strong. Worry about you. Your happiness comes first”
But what my mom and others do not understand is this: I hate myself, I have no worth, and I was never a happy person. Before I met my girlfriend, I was depressed and suicidal. Then, once I met her, my happiness bloomed and my sadness went back into the shadows. I finally knew what living was truly like. I knew what it was to be happy. But, now I’m back to square one; alone, depressed, suicidal, and in pain.
So, fuck putting my happiness first. I have no happiness. How the fuck can someone like me be motivated when his life is shit? Where will the motivation stem from? What is the end goal? I will always remain an ugly lonely loser, so what’s there to be happy about? Who am I ‘getting dressed up’ for? Why clean up my shitty basement area? For what reason shall I do anything?
I wish people would understand that a failure who is depressed and lost everything has NO motivation whatsoever. The last thing on their fucking mind is showering and cleaning up. They want to legit die. No one understands this pain of depression. They think a man is weak for being broken.
Fuck this world.
