My struggle w not wanting to be an idiot

[rayman]

I want to get a degree in CS, but a lot of it is because its a high paying, respectable field, but mainly I want to prove I'm smart. When I think about it it's basically for others.

I make good money running a business but it's really low skill just flipping items. I don't want to view myself as an uneducated idiot, but I have a procastination problem probably from my only life being just hustling trying to make money.

Like literally I don't talk to anyone besides my fucking family tbh, I feel OK but I definitely know that shit's not healthy long term and I would be way happier with friends but wtf am I gonna do.

I fucking procastinate like shit and then I'm doing my homework now when it was due at 12:00 and I realized finals are in a month for computer science and I really know fucking jack shit like maybe 10% of what I'm suppose too.

So I planned to change this week and study and cram in advance for the finals so I can pass without cheating and feel grrrreaaat about actually studying but I already know that will never happen.

fuckin hate this shit wish I was just a focused person

 

[Deleted member 15309]

0

 

[Rt-Rust1]

mainly I want to prove I'm smart. I think about it it's basically for others.

The same happened to ne. Didn't hmget into it anyway. I realized the reason because I wanted to prove other people I was snart is because it is a way to compensate (or at least that's what I think we subconciously do in this case) for not being chad