incelmogger
Tall skull wasp’ism
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2023
- Posts
- 4,129
- Reputation
- 4,571
Yep I go through these cycles as well broI wasn't able to overcome those effects personally.
Through pure anger and desperate energy to make something of my life, I created a lifestyle in which happiness should've been possible objectively.
But I was simply unable to enjoy it. I struggled to feel happy at all, and living like that slowly drains your mental energy reserves, leading to what is basically a burnout where you can't keep going on like that anymore.
Which is when my whole lifestyle fell apart again, and I rotted like I did before. But I don't feel any better or worse about it, but it DOES cost less energy to keep a rotter lifestyle than to constantly fight my traumas/anxiety and try to maintain a lifestyle that is 'better' than rotting.
Every once in a while I get a boost of motivation/energy. I start a good diet, socialize more, exercise more, keep a better sleep schedule, work on my career/financial future, and so on. But there's NEVER a response in my brain that rewards me for this. So once my 'inner-rage' burst of energy eventually fades after a couple of weeks, and there's nothing to replace it. There no longer is any energy to fake all of this 'healthy lifestyle'.
I go back to rotting/drugs/shit-food/copes/etc.
I have done this cycle at least 10 times now in the last 10 years.
it's over.