i'll make her do fun activities with me
Interesting perspective, you never fail to make me thinkMy first gf was giga boring, but she was also a virgin, and it was the purest relationship i've ever had. Outgoing, bubbly girls are a lot of fun to be with but in my experience most of them are hoes. So i'll pick the boring girl
depends if she got ass or tits jfl
You think you are the boss?!? You are solid snake. I am big boss.
no
I used to think having a girl with very similar hobbies, interests, and an overall fun personality was such a big deal. Then i actually dated girls like that and realized it doesn't really matter in the long term. Yeah it's extremely fun to hang out with them but at the end of the day, a relationship isn't built on playing games together or talking for hours about your fav hobbies. It's built on commitment and loyalty, if she's a virgin (giga hard challenge)
What would you say to the argument that you’ll spend most of your time talking to her?
As long as the bitch is hot am good
No never tried to approach a foid
Rape victim but still a virgin?
Depends on what he means by personal compatibility. If he means shared core values and long term goals then yeah i agree. That was actually my original point.
You should stick with her. I had the same problem with my first girlfriend. I remember thinking 'God dayum she's boring as shit
Am i really going to spend the rest of my life with her?' 
I think what he meant was chemistry/communication compatibility, like having entertaining conversations
True
Good points. Its really sad that often girls with good personalities are just the ones who have absorbed it from their previous bfs, ive thought about that before and it made me realise that was likely the case with my ex.
You should stick with her. I had the same problem with my first girlfriend. I remember thinking 'God dayum she's boring as shit
I will genuinely take that advice. Im naturally a fun person and like do exciting things, i just havent had much opportunity because of certain circumstances recently but when i can i will try. Ive always thought alot of relationships end simply because people stop putting in the effort to make it fun/interestingBut looking back now, my time with her was extremely sweet, innocent, and pure. Sure it was also boring at times. My advice is to try doing fun activities with your current girlfriend. If she doesn't want to do one thing, that's fine, just ask if she'd rather do something else. That's what i should've done with my first girlfriend, but i was too inexperienced back then
Wow. So you really do speak from experience, not just once, but twice. In general now are you the same as me in the way that if a girl shows me certain red flags like BPD or a traumatic past, i dont even bother trying, wbu?
My current gf is super clingy like my ex was but in a different less fun way. The core difference is just that she doesnt have as many interests, isnt as bubbly and exciting/fun as my ex. The reason its a hard topic for me is because on paper i love my gf, but shes just boring. This is my first time in a 1+ year relationship so idk if this is just natural or if im just naturally a hypergamous foid.
Yeah, people will find it hard to believe but i have alot of options/i am legit attractive and i definitely attribute that to the fact that i have such a hypergamous/grass is greener mindset. Because i know the amount of women that are interested in me (without sounding egotistical). But .org users fail to understand even as a attractive guy its not as simple as finding your dream wife, even rich chads like tom brady get cheated on or have unsatisfying relationships. To me its a numbers/luck game.
Which way, modern man? The boring virgin girl, or will you try your luck with the fun girl who has multiple bodies?
Choose wisely G
Again, imo, having entertaining conversations is just a bonus, but they aren't what determines the success of a relationship. That comes down to core values, and whether she's a virgin or not. And even if you find someone you can have entertaining conversations and sticks by your side, there will be times when it gets boring anyway. It's impossible to have those late night interesting conversations with someone all the time. You know what i mean?
It probably was sadly. That's why i always get suspicious when they start talking about politics or interests that normally go against their own. For example if a girl makes her whole personality about being some tradcath, you can bet your ass she fucked some trad chad before
Same thing with car girls, Formula 1 girls, etc. Obviously it can sometimes be genuine, and they just naturally developed an interest in those things. Not everything is black and white. But from what i've seen, it usually leans toward 'my ex liked this, so now i do too'It doesn’t need to be anything crazy. Just something you can both do to chill, have a good time, and make some memories. It could even be something as simple as riding a bike around the countryside. I mean shit, even a pottery workshop could be fun who knows?
Yeah, unfortunately i have experience dealing with mentally ill girls. I'm like 80% sure my last ex had it too, she was so similar to my other ex who was actually diagnosed. But yeah, if a girl has BPD it's a wrap
I'm out. I ain't dealing with that shit again brahIt's natural. I also miss my bubbly exes, being with them felt like a movie sometimes. Just try doing those fun things with your current gf first before thinking about ending things. Like genuinely try, not just once or twice
Yup, i don’t have problems getting girls interested in me. The problem is finding a high quality one
Most org users don’t understand this because they’re still in high school and lack experience. Finding the one you’ll spend your life with is a lot of times out of your controlThanks brah
I always try to write clearly and keep my thoughts concise. Plenty of people here have decent ideas, but the way they articulate them is so fucking bad that i don’t even wanna read it
Yeah sameMy first gf was giga boring, but she was also a virgin, and it was the purest relationship i've ever had. Outgoing, bubbly girls are a lot of fun to be with but in my experience most of them are hoes. So i'll pick the boring girl
Yeah atp im seeing it as a benefit if shes bubbly, but if she has all the other traits aligned with my standards then im willing to compromise, because you cant have it all. Its just unfortunate as you can tell from this convo, im someone who deeply enjoys conversations exactly like we are having now. But even with that i wouldnt give it up for the status boost of having a young loyal clingy tall virgin gf. And im forgetting that has its own benefits like you said bubbly girls tend to have had more exes. Not only that but i feel like quiet girls like mine are just alot easier to satisfy in a relationship because all they want is your presence. Idk how to describe it exactly.
Yeah i mean its quite obvious if i tell u she liked cars, ufc, fragrances (partly cos of me) and anime. Over before it beganIt probably was sadly. That's why i always get suspicious when they start talking about politics or interests that normally go against their own. For example if a girl makes her whole personality about being some tradcath, you can bet your ass she fucked some trad chad before
You exactly described my ex to the cmYeah, unfortunately i have experience dealing with mentally ill girls. I'm like 80% sure my last ex had it too, she was so similar to my other ex who was actually diagnosed. But yeah, if a girl has BPD it's a wrap
You might think 'Oh this one is different, maybe she can manage her bpd.' But guess what. She can't. At the beginning it seems like she has it in check, but as time goes by the cracks start forming. Eventually she'll begin splitting and it's over before you know it. They always follow the same pattern, everything seems perfect at first, they're super clingy and love bomb the fuck out of you. But the moment you do something even slightly wrong, she starts splitting, sees you as a horrible person, and forgets everything nice you ever did. Also, they tend to be insanely insecure so there's that
. It was crazy because it was my first time even talking to someone with bpd, and it was kinda underwhelming at first? I was expecting one second angry , one second happy, everyday. I wasnt expecting her to lovebomb the fuck outta me, be clingy for months, reposts only about me, show extreme loyalty and then the mood swing happens months later when she suddenly forgets all of the good things i did for her like helping her get over self harm, and suddenly paint me as a villain to her friends, said me blocking her “activated her trauma”, also her adding tons of guys afterwards. It was honestly crazy seeing the switch up and i think thats what made me get over her fast. I do think tho, dating a girl with bpd is the greatest learning experience you can have, its like dating a woman X1000. Also i couldve been more aware when she was painting her ex as a villain, that was probably the splitting phenomenon you are talking about, where she made him sound completely like a supervillain, but at the time my brain didnt register “why was she dating him then” and instead saw her as a victim.
. I assume you learnt about this stuff after your relationships with your bpd girls? Because i went through a similar analytical phase.I will try for sure. And its a good idea because my gf constantly wants to do things tg anyways like go to the city or beach.
Yeah exactly, i think the word i was actually trying to describe when i was complimenting you was nuance’. I think most .org users lack that ability to hold two opposing beliefs and just see things in black and white, one thing is right, one thing is wrong. You always demonstrate nuance and thats why its refreshing for someone like me, sadly tho no one gives af on .org, it rewards retardation, ragebait and confirmation biasYup, i don’t have problems getting girls interested in me. The problem is finding a high quality one
What makes you say it was your fault? So was she a actual good girl without bpd? Do you regret losing her? And same both girls made love letters for me, the difference is, my gf is consistently affectionate over a long period of time, my ex mustve just been because of the highs of a new relationship. Thats why its refreshing see extremes as red flags now like removing all guys from your insta as soon as you meet me (which is what my ex did)
Whats weird about it is you really have no control. She came back 4 months later and i ignored her, but its interesting she only came back after i completely removed my attention. The sad thing abt bpd girls which makes me curious is just will they ever be in a happy relationship? Like where will they end up in 10-20 years when its time for them to settle in a ltr, it actually makes me feel empathetic for them because it sounds like they are their own worst enemy.
I struggle with that
Were both uncs. Its funny how i could immediately tell u were older. I wonder if the younger generation are just young, or genuinly retarded/brain rottedAnd yeah, i'm in my 20s. So i guess i'm basically an unc compared to all the 14 year olds on the forum
The problem with outgoing, bubbly girls is that sometimes they can be a bit too extroverted and so high energy that it drains you. They're always wanting to do something or needing to go somewhere instead of just chilling with you. My last gf was like that, and it was a bit tiresome sometimes. Like bitch why can't we just sit and chill instead of walking around the city all afternoon
I wonder what traits my exes picked up from me
Oh well, they're someone else's problem now regardlessEveryone who has dated girls with BPD has a very similar story to tell. Because that’s just how their brains work. The pattern the relationship follows is almost always the same, sooner or later, the shitstorm arrivesYou exactly described my ex to the cm
I actually learned about it because my ex told meI wasnt aware of splitting before, i wish i knew about it back then
She educated me on that stuff, and i obviously researched more about it online too. But i eventually came to the conclusion that it’s simply better to stay away from these people, at least relationship wiseIf she likes the beach then maybe stand up paddleboarding could be fun
Lack of nuance is a classic telltale sign of low IQ. I try to see things from both sides as best as i can. I'm not afraid to change my position on something or admit when I'm wrong.
Yeah my first girlfriend was a very sweet, normal girl. She wasn't mentally ill. I regret losing her a lot. I didn't reciprocate a lot of what she gave me, nor was i there for her during difficult times. I goofed around too much and didn't take the relationship seriously
Things get easier with time. And now i also have experience, so i know how to deal with these thingsYeah, things aren’t really in our control. I don’t think they’ll ever be in a happy long term relationship. It always falls apart eventually. It’s sad indeed.
I struggled a lot with it too. But the more you write and practice keeping things concise the easier it getsI struggle with that
Were both uncs. Its funny how i could immediately tell u were older. I wonder if the younger generation are just young, or genuinly retarded/brain rotted
You can usually tell when someone is older, either by the way they type or by their ideas
Now we realise they were truly the high iq ones trying to make the relationship interestingThe problem with outgoing, bubbly girls is that sometimes they can be a bit too extroverted and so high energy that it drains you. They're always wanting to do something or needing to go somewhere instead of just chilling with you. My last gf was like that, and it was a bit tiresome sometimes. Like bitch why can't we just sit and chill instead of walking around the city all afternoon
Yeah, i also blamed myself alot because im self critical. So it took months for me to finally accept i didnt do something wrong, i wasnt perfect, i tried, but the majority of the problems stemmed from the bpd girl.
Did your bpd exes try to come back to you after they had their crashouts like mine did?
Ive never tried that so if its a possible i will. Probably will go swimming, i know she likes swimming. Only problem is i cant swim and i almost drowned once and my friend had to save me.I actually learned about it because my ex told me
If she likes the beach then maybe stand up paddleboarding could be fun
Yes and ironically the people who are most open to being wrong, usually end up right in the end. Because once you’ve had enough humility to contantly question your own ideas, you usually end up at the logical conclusion, im sure thats why i tend to agree with people like this alot, because naturally people who are open minded and empathetic, land at the same conclusions.
Yes and its sad to see but hopefully it is just them being young. Its very hard to have a conversation/debate when anyone takes a disagreement as a attack of their identity or an insult. Actually at first i wouldve disagreed with you saying personality doesnt matter as much as we think, but after you explained why, i understood which is why i said it makes me think. If i was your average .org user id say “you low iq retard you just want a sex doll”
Yes same and i made a post on it that people struggle to see others in a nuanced way, they see you as “shitposter” or “philosopher” , no in between. Im probably a more extreme example because i admittedly post porn threads, things i dont believe just for discussion and ragebait.
Damnn 4 years is long. How long would you say before you got over it?
I think lack of experience is actually a better predictor of heartbreak than the actual length of the relationship. Because im the same, my ex was my first so i was heartbroken for months even tho it was short, after that i saw relationships more rationally, it doesn’t mean i love my gf less, it just means im more realistic and less likely to be heartbrokenMeanwhile my last ex and i broke up a little over a month ago, and i already don't give a fuck. I'm going on new dates already
That would be a great interesting thread, if you make it pls tag me. I think the key would be to keep it as concise as possible like u always do, or no one will have the attention span to read it, it will be a dnr purgatory
Its true, its easy to judge, i think part of where i developed that mindset of being open minded is from seeing older generations being so one dimensional and lacking nuance. I always hoped i could be someone who can understand other peoples perspectives while still coming up with my own logical conclusions because i think it will be a really important skill for being a dad and raising kids
I think it's a mix of both. I don't remember being that retarded when i was 14/15/16. But maybe we've just forgotten what we were like back then
Every older generation says the same thing about younger people. Our parents said it about us, and now we say it about the younger kids
if i can cheat yes
Maybe they were 2 steps ahead after allNow we realise they were truly the high iq ones trying to make the relationship interesting
It's normal. They can mess with your mind a lot. That's why it's better to stay away from them. It's just too much drama sooner or later
Kinda. After the neet gamer girl and i broke up, she still wanted to be friends, and i said no. I told her i had to block her since that’s how i deal with things after a breakup. She had a crash out and a panic attack, and called me a bunch of times crying and begging me to stay friends.
Maybe you could go to a pool instead, since it’s more calm, and have her teach you how to swim. That could be fun
I don’t have this problem anymore. I know myself pretty well. I used to have cyclical thoughts a lot, meaning i would get stuck in loops trying to figure out what was wrong. It’s especially easy to fall into that with girls who have bpd, because when they start splitting, they can unknowingly gaslight the fuck out of you, saying you’re a horrible person or that the problem is your fault, etc. So you start wondering if it really is you.
Quite a long time, around a year and a half, almost two full years. There was a lot of stuff going on in my life back then, so it took me some time to get over it. She was my high school sweetheart, we were going to get married at 19, but things went south and we broke up. For sure the biggest blunder of my life
Most likely yeah. Although i can’t say for sure, because after her i never had another multi year relationship
I’ll tag you for sure, if i make that thread that is
I’ll probably be making low effort threads this weekFor sure. Most boomers are blind as fuck and completely out of touch with the problems their kids are facing. A lot of it has to do with how much times have changed. For example, boomers don’t understand that dating and the economy aren’t the same as they were back in their day. But they keep giving the same old shit advice because they’re one dimensional and are stuck in the past.
Yes especially if she baddd
Kinda. After the neet gamer girl and i broke up, she still wanted to be friends, and i said no. I told her i had to block her since that’s how i deal with things after a breakup. She had a crash out and a panic attack, and called me a bunch of times crying and begging me to stay friends.
But i’ve never had a girl with bpd reach out to me months later. My last ex and i only broke up a little over a month ago, so maybe she’ll text me one day, although i doubt it. And even if she did i’d just dnr her ass
Yeah hopefully i dont drown in the kids pool
I meant more in the past, of course you have learnt from the past, and so have i, but in the past i wasnt like this. I think if you are naturally self critical you end up at the point where you dont lean into any extreme of “im always wrong” or “im always right” as you get older.
Yes i think it works both ways. Its funny, it sounds like a match made in heaven but it rarely works out because bpd girls are hard.
My ex asked the exact same thing, at the time i thought it was cute because i didnt know any better. But she asked hypotheticals exactly like “what would you do if a stranger catcalled me or hit me” and she’d want me to go into extreme detail about my entire thought process of how i’d protect her. She had the perfect excuse for that behaviour at the time which is what i thought, because she was a rape victim i just assumed that was why she was like that. Also used to just say things for a certain reaction like telling me about how she got catcalled in the past or men staring at her.Yeah i never got to experience it over a long period of time. But when you lay it out like that, when i imagine having to deal with that emotional rollercoaster for years, i completely see why you’d say you dont mind a girl with ‘no personality’They need that kind of reassurance all the time. And let me tell you, that shit gets annoying really fast
How did you blunder if u dont mind me asking? Or was it no specific reason.Quite a long time, around a year and a half, almost two full years. There was a lot of stuff going on in my life back then, so it took me some time to get over it. She was my high school sweetheart, we were going to get married at 19, but things went south and we broke up. For sure the biggest blunder of my life
The reason i say lack of experience is the biggest predictor of heartbreak might be ignorant because i dont know my future if a bigger heartbreak awaits. But i say it is the biggest predictor because i genuinely feel once you experience the lessons the first time, its much much harder to fail for the same reasons again.Most likely yeah. Although i can’t say for sure, because after her i never had another multi year relationship
Boomer advice on datingFor sure. Most boomers are blind as fuck and completely out of touch with the problems their kids are facing. A lot of it has to do with how much times have changed. For example, boomers don’t understand that dating and the economy aren’t the same as they were back in their day. But they keep giving the same old shit advice because they’re one dimensional and are stuck in the past.
If someone can’t see things from their kids perspective at all, they’ve failed as a parent imo
You'll be fine. Just take things slow in the shallower part of the pool
Oh yeah, for sure. It was one of my biggest problems back then. I was constantly overthinking things, trying to figure out whether what happened was my fault or not. It's fine to do that once or twice after something goes wrong, but getting stuck in those looping thoughts is unhealthy.
I mean, they can get over empathetic dudes, or dudes in general, quite easily because of how their brains work. At the same time, they can also seem to stay attached to you, like in the case of your ex coming back, or mine not wanting to fully let me go, because their minds are very binary. They think in terms of, 'He's an amazing person, i want to marry him,' or, 'He's an awful piece of shit, this relationship will never work.' (my ex literally talked about spending the rest of her life with me, only to break up with me 2 days later
)I'm not even surprised we had the exact same experience
One of my exes claimed she was groomed too. It seems to be a very common thing with them. Do you want me to teleport to your work and beat them up? Stop bothering me with this shitOh no, those relationships lasted under a year. The only one that lasted four years was the one with my first ever gf, the virgin one. So i didn't have to deal with them for that long, thank god. Even then though, i wouldn't describe it as an emotional rollercoaster. There weren't really any ups and downs and then ups again. There was just the lovebombing phase, and then the "we're over" phase. It was more like a bomb going off, i'd say
Because now the only way i feel alive is in those kinds of relationships. It might seem contradictory to what i've been saying, but even though my mind tells me to stop messing around with these girls, my heart only really gets going when i'm with those bubbly, explosive, obsessed alt girls with BPD I guess it's one of those "do as i say, not as i do" situationsLike i said, it was multiple things that i didn't do over the course of multiple years. I should've been there for her when she needed me. No wonder she started resenting me at the endHow did you blunder if u dont mind me asking? Or was it no specific reason.
Lowkey has me worried cos my gf wants to get married asap too
As long as you aren't negligent like i was, you should be fineIt's tragic, but it's true. It's just people pretending they don't care. At the end of the day, it's really just people being scared of getting hurt. They have the mentality that 'Whoever cares the least wins'
i've been busy and forgot to reply
Yes unfortunately thinking doesnt help that kind of relationship no matter what, i learnt the hard way. It hurts for men because we naturally dont have as many options unless we put the work in. Ive been working on just making it a numbers game in terms of how many women i meet, so that im more likely to find my best match. What do you think is the best way to date/meet women? I think irl girls tend to have more attractive and pure personalities than ones you meet online, however its harder to pull irl.
I mean, they can get over empathetic dudes, or dudes in general, quite easily because of how their brains work. At the same time, they can also seem to stay attached to you, like in the case of your ex coming back, or mine not wanting to fully let me go, because their minds are very binary. They think in terms of, 'He's an amazing person, i want to marry him,' or, 'He's an awful piece of shit, this relationship will never work.' (my ex literally talked about spending the rest of her life with me, only to break up with me 2 days later
pretty much the same with me. Ex used to call me the “loml” and then after one conversation which was more than surface level and more mature instead of lovey dovey, i could feel the moment she lost feelings.Yk at the time i thought i enjoyed it because it made me more protective but looking back, it does piss me off now, i think back then i just had no responsibilities and wasnt busy enough so i found some purpose in being protective over her. As im getting older im starting to find girls who are easy to be with as more attractive.My last ex was a 19 yo hmtb cashier, so you can imagine how many stories she told me about creepy old dudes trying to flirt with her. It gets annoying as fuck very fast. Like, what the fuck am i supposed to do bitch
Yeah same, i only assumed it was a rollercoaster because i never got to experience the relationship past the “bomb going off”Oh no, those relationships lasted under a year. The only one that lasted four years was the one with my first ever gf, the virgin one. So i didn't have to deal with them for that long, thank god. Even then though, i wouldn't describe it as an emotional rollercoaster. There weren't really any ups and downs and then ups again. There was just the lovebombing phase, and then the "we're over" phase. It was more like a bomb going off, i'd say
. So from my experience too, there was only 2 phases, love bomb and villainise. Being on the recipient end of that cycle makes it difficult to not hold some resentment after the relationship ended. And also dont you think its hard to get over because of the fact that the majority of the relationship is usually in that intense lovebombing phase?Yeah i think its the worst part, because its actually the reason why i made this post in the first place (incase you forgot, ‘would you date a boring girl), because i was struggling with that exact dilemma. When you go from a relationship with a explosive bpd demon to a calm stable relationship, you can miss that intensity and mistake it for love. Because most of our relationships was such a high, other than the last 2 days, those are my main memories from the relationship, im sure thats why my ex came back too. I think its very easy to get addicted to that high, the same way girls get addicted to ‘bad boys’ , i lowkey get it. Sometimes i ask myself if im coping, downplaying my old relationship by saying it wasnt love. Sometimes i ask myself whether that was what love is meant to feel like or if thats just unrealistic. Thats my reason for this threadAlso, i think those relationships fucked me up mentally in a very weird way. I think they might've created new brain synapses or some shit
Being negligent is a killer, for the first time, since i started questioning my relationship, i started getting negligent and i felt the effectsLike i said, it was multiple things that i didn't do over the course of multiple years. I should've been there for her when she needed me. No wonder she started resenting me at the end
Its sad, its a mentality that the majority of people have adopted these days. I think its just a result of serial monogamy, i dont think its normal for people to have to go through constant cycles of attachment and heartbreak. Also social media has made people more narcissistic/egotistical and want to “win” interactions. Its unfortunate because until you realise relationships come with vulnerability, you cant have a fulfilling, happy relationship
