I’m tired man. I finally understand how a girl would make no difference in my life.

[PseudoMaxxer]

Sound track to the thread


I can’t understand how people manage to talk to another person for whole days.

I usually don’t talk at all, you might not understand so let me say it again:
I go days without opening my mouth, not talking to anyone.
I actually thought that liking a girl and messaging her would help, but even tho i haven’t experienced it other than with girls on dating apps, i really get bored quickly of them.

The moment i jerk off, i stop checking messages at all. That says a lot about me and made me understand one crucial factor about my self:
I don’t care about social connections or love, my body just feels the need to release cum every now and then to feel complete.

I always knew it, my mom always told me i was an heartless monster, and so my friends i used to have.

I’m actually just a heartless demon, i don’t care about my family neither. If they were to die tomorrow i would shake it off after a couple of minutes to plan my next move to survive on my own.

I’m pretty sure this has been due to my upbringing: i’ve been bullied for my skin color and ethnicity since i was 5 years old. I needed to put up fights to defend my self, and that only made it seem worse to my teachers since they already thought I was aggressive because of me being arab.

I’ve always been alone since i was born, i was born because my brother wanted a brother. My mom and dad didn’t actually want me as they were planning on having only 1 child. That’s probably why i’m ignored and hated rn.

I hate them too, i don’t like them at all.
They made it always seem like i deserved to be bullied by them, that i deserved to be treated like shit.

One crucial event was my first love i had at the young age of 12.

She brutally rejected me for being short and fat.

My best friend at that time told me he was gonna help me, until i found out he was trying to hook up with her the whole time.

That left a scar so deep into my heart that i genuinely felt less love for everyone, then i got rejected another time, and another time again, and another, and another….

They left nothing into me, i’m just an empty shell of the human i was.

I have nothing left to live for realistically.

I cope by thinking that i’ll ascend and make money to make everyone and my family regret abandoning me.
In reality, no one will care. My family will probably leave me be and the girls and fake friends i used to have will have found their true love by then and they won’t even remember who i was.

I’m pushing through 1 last year of my life, 2024 will be the end of it all finally.

I tried so hard until now, i lost 20kg of weight and went from fat to shredded.
I became more intelligent and read a lot of books, i trained and became stronger mentally and physically.
I endured the pain of rejection and approached girls and became more NT and less inhibited, after the covid raped my inhibition and NTness.

I went from no one, to no one.

People still look at me but they see nothing behind my eyes. Those black deep eyes, a girl once told me it was like i wasn’t looking at her while we held eye contact.

“it’s like you are looking past me, at something else”

Idk what these eyes can actually see, but what i see is nothingness.

I will never have a kid, and if i will, that means i’ll be the most ruthless monster ever.
I don’t want anyone else to feel what i feel.

You guys always laugh at me for being 24/7 online, while this is the only place i can talk even tho my mouth is still closed.

I’m truly alone, and connections and people only fade away after a matter of time and they don’t matter.

I hope i’ll speak to god once i’ll die, i want to ask him why did he want me to live this way.
Why didn’t he help me when i needed it.

I can’t cry anymore, nothing is left in me other than hate for this world.

Why did i turn this way, that’s what i’m wondering. I just wanted to be an astronaut when i was a kid, and go to the moon and explore space.

While now i just wanna hang from a cord lifeless.

Thanks for reading, this was just some venting. It’ll be here once i’ll do the deed.

Pseudo.

 

[mog_me]

Why don’t you just turn to god

 

[Deleted member 51821]

read every word

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Why don’t you just turn to god

I did, i did for 1 whole year.

He didn’t answer my prayings.

When i prayed for this one girl to like me, he let her bestfriend fuck her the same night we was talking.

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

read every word

Thank you bhai.

 

[bigchunguslover]

Sound track to the thread


I can’t understand how people manage to talk to another person for whole days.

I usually don’t talk at all, you might not understand so let me say it again:
I go days without opening my mouth, not talking to anyone.
I actually thought that liking a girl and messaging her would help, but even tho i haven’t experienced it other than with girls on dating apps, i really get bored quickly of them.

The moment i jerk off, i stop checking messages at all. That says a lot about me and made me understand one crucial factor about my self:
I don’t care about social connections or love, my body just feels the need to release cum every now and then to feel complete.

I always knew it, my mom always told me i was an heartless monster, and so my friends i used to have.

I’m actually just a heartless demon, i don’t care about my family neither. If they were to die tomorrow i would shake it off after a couple of minutes to plan my next move to survive on my own.

I’m pretty sure this has been due to my upbringing: i’ve been bullied for my skin color and ethnicity since i was 5 years old. I needed to put up fights to defend my self, and that only made it seem worse to my teachers since they already thought I was aggressive because of me being arab.

I’ve always been alone since i was born, i was born because my brother wanted a brother. My mom and dad didn’t actually want me as they were planning on having only 1 child. That’s probably why i’m ignored and hated rn.

I hate them too, i don’t like them at all.
They made it always seem like i deserved to be bullied by them, that i deserved to be treated like shit.

One crucial event was my first love i had at the young age of 12.

She brutally rejected me for being short and fat.

My best friend at that time told me he was gonna help me, until i found out he was trying to hook up with her the whole time.

That left a scar so deep into my heart that i genuinely felt less love for everyone, then i got rejected another time, and another time again, and another, and another….

They left nothing into me, i’m just an empty shell of the human i was.

I have nothing left to live for realistically.

I cope by thinking that i’ll ascend and make money to make everyone and my family regret abandoning me.
In reality, no one will care. My family will probably leave me be and the girls and fake friends i used to have will have found their true love by then and they won’t even remember who i was.

I’m pushing through 1 last year of my life, 2024 will be the end of it all finally.

I tried so hard until now, i lost 20kg of weight and went from fat to shredded.
I became more intelligent and read a lot of books, i trained and became stronger mentally and physically.
I endured the pain of rejection and approached girls and became more NT and less inhibited, after the covid raped my inhibition and NTness.

I went from no one, to no one.

People still look at me but they see nothing behind my eyes. Those black deep eyes, a girl once told me it was like i wasn’t looking at her while we held eye contact.

“it’s like you are looking past me, at something else”

Idk what these eyes can actually see, but what i see is nothingness.

I will never have a kid, and if i will, that means i’ll be the most ruthless monster ever.
I don’t want anyone else to feel what i feel.

You guys always laugh at me for being 24/7 online, while this is the only place i can talk even tho my mouth is still closed.

I’m truly alone, and connections and people only fade away after a matter of time and they don’t matter.

I hope i’ll speak to god once i’ll die, i want to ask him why did he want me to live this way.
Why didn’t he help me when i needed it.

I can’t cry anymore, nothing is left in me other than hate for this world.

Why did i turn this way, that’s what i’m wondering. I just wanted to be an astronaut when i was a kid, and go to the moon and explore space.

While now i just wanna hang from a cord lifeless.

Thanks for reading, this was just some venting. It’ll be here once i’ll do the deed.

Pseudo.

me too im autism

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

me too im autism

i’m tired man.

 

[mog_me]

I did, i did for 1 whole year.

He didn’t answer my prayings.

When i prayed for this one girl to like me, he let her bestfriend fuck her the same night we was talking.

That’s not how god works. There is a reason that he didn’t answer your prayers

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

That’s not how god works. There is a reason that he didn’t answer your prayers

I’m tired of living for something that doesn’t manifest in front of me and just tells me he is here with me.

I’m alone rn, i feel it. No one is here. Why can’t he just tell me he’s here with me?

 

[mog_me]

I’m tired of living for something that doesn’t manifest in front of me and just tells me he is here with me.

I’m alone rn, i feel it. No one is here. Why can’t he just tell me he’s here with me?

Bro join a church asap preferable catholic or orthodox. They will be able to answer all your questions and it will change your life I promise

 

[mog_me]

You can always email priests at your local churches to ask questions. Go on their website

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Bro join a church asap preferable catholic or orthodox. They will be able to answer all your questions and it will change your life I promise

i’m Muslim if anything.

I won’t bro, i won’t. I don’t care anymore, i feel resentment towards who ever is up there.

 

[mog_me]

i’m Muslim if anything.

I won’t bro, i won’t. I don’t care anymore, i feel resentment towards who ever is up there.

Why would you feel resentment towards God? He is the only one who loves you unconditionally. Oh and Christianity mogs Islam brutally for many reasons

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Why would you feel resentment towards God? He is the only one who loves you unconditionally. Oh and Christianity mogs Islam brutally for many reasons

idk about what religion mogs the other.

No god to save you in this cold world, and i’m the living proof of it.

I know it could get worse, and i’m sure it will.
For now, i’ll just try out this last 2024 year, after this, it’s a wrap. I’m closing the show.

 

[wsada]

Manlet problems..

 

[Ricky212]

This was a hard read stay up bhai

 

[Ricky212]

Manlet problems..

If he was 4 inches taller he wouldn’t have these problems btw

 

[Deleted member 27746]

my reaction

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

This was a hard read stay up bhai

Thanks bhai, will give it a shot one last time in 2024. Other wise it’s a wrap, i’m finishing the show.

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

If he was 4 inches taller he wouldn’t have these problems btw

make it a foot taller, im 5’6

 

[lunin7]

Most of us here weren’t supposed to be born

life begins after u die

 

[Jase]

me too

 

[Ricky212]

make it a foot taller, im 5’6

The life between a 5”10 and 5”6 is day and night

 

[mog_me]

idk about what religion mogs the other.

No god to save you in this cold world, and i’m the living proof of it.

I know it could get worse, and i’m sure it will.
For now, i’ll just try out this last 2024 year, after this, it’s a wrap. I’m closing the show.

I really really hope you end up taking my advice I really do think it could change the course of your life. Yes this world is cold and has been corrupted by sin. God is perfect and sinless and offers a free way out of all of this. Last year was the worst year of my life and it got better, right now I’m not doing so hot but I don’t buckle under the pressure because I know it will get better. It has gotten better before.

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

The life between a 5”10 and 5”6 is day and night

I know, every mm counts.

 

[fuckingtheuniverse]

Innit

 

[tervile1]

Sound track to the thread


I can’t understand how people manage to talk to another person for whole days.

I usually don’t talk at all, you might not understand so let me say it again:
I go days without opening my mouth, not talking to anyone.
I actually thought that liking a girl and messaging her would help, but even tho i haven’t experienced it other than with girls on dating apps, i really get bored quickly of them.

The moment i jerk off, i stop checking messages at all. That says a lot about me and made me understand one crucial factor about my self:
I don’t care about social connections or love, my body just feels the need to release cum every now and then to feel complete.

I always knew it, my mom always told me i was an heartless monster, and so my friends i used to have.

I’m actually just a heartless demon, i don’t care about my family neither. If they were to die tomorrow i would shake it off after a couple of minutes to plan my next move to survive on my own.

I’m pretty sure this has been due to my upbringing: i’ve been bullied for my skin color and ethnicity since i was 5 years old. I needed to put up fights to defend my self, and that only made it seem worse to my teachers since they already thought I was aggressive because of me being arab.

I’ve always been alone since i was born, i was born because my brother wanted a brother. My mom and dad didn’t actually want me as they were planning on having only 1 child. That’s probably why i’m ignored and hated rn.

I hate them too, i don’t like them at all.
They made it always seem like i deserved to be bullied by them, that i deserved to be treated like shit.

One crucial event was my first love i had at the young age of 12.

She brutally rejected me for being short and fat.

My best friend at that time told me he was gonna help me, until i found out he was trying to hook up with her the whole time.

That left a scar so deep into my heart that i genuinely felt less love for everyone, then i got rejected another time, and another time again, and another, and another….

They left nothing into me, i’m just an empty shell of the human i was.

I have nothing left to live for realistically.

I cope by thinking that i’ll ascend and make money to make everyone and my family regret abandoning me.
In reality, no one will care. My family will probably leave me be and the girls and fake friends i used to have will have found their true love by then and they won’t even remember who i was.

I’m pushing through 1 last year of my life, 2024 will be the end of it all finally.

I tried so hard until now, i lost 20kg of weight and went from fat to shredded.
I became more intelligent and read a lot of books, i trained and became stronger mentally and physically.
I endured the pain of rejection and approached girls and became more NT and less inhibited, after the covid raped my inhibition and NTness.

I went from no one, to no one.

People still look at me but they see nothing behind my eyes. Those black deep eyes, a girl once told me it was like i wasn’t looking at her while we held eye contact.

“it’s like you are looking past me, at something else”

Idk what these eyes can actually see, but what i see is nothingness.

I will never have a kid, and if i will, that means i’ll be the most ruthless monster ever.
I don’t want anyone else to feel what i feel.

You guys always laugh at me for being 24/7 online, while this is the only place i can talk even tho my mouth is still closed.

I’m truly alone, and connections and people only fade away after a matter of time and they don’t matter.

I hope i’ll speak to god once i’ll die, i want to ask him why did he want me to live this way.
Why didn’t he help me when i needed it.

I can’t cry anymore, nothing is left in me other than hate for this world.

Why did i turn this way, that’s what i’m wondering. I just wanted to be an astronaut when i was a kid, and go to the moon and explore space.

While now i just wanna hang from a cord lifeless.

Thanks for reading, this was just some venting. It’ll be here once i’ll do the deed.

Pseudo.

There was very good thread about this that how even being CHAD won't make female exploit their hypergamous nature.

The thread was back in 2019-20 I dont know that nigger name but One point he stated that IF you were Chadlite vs Chad , Girls would choose lite because the fact that he is not at threshold that he can cheat them easily and can get away with it

Meanwhile , wHomAn even envy CHAD because of the fact that he can pump n dump them any day.

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Most of us here weren’t supposed to be born

life begins after u die

I wasnt supposed to be here, i know i’m useless and i’m just using my family resources and slowing them down.

I pray that after death there’s a world where i’m actually someone normal and i’m lived for who i am.

 

[wsada]

The life between a 5”10 and 5”6 is day and night

Every damn inch counts

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

There was very good thread about this that how even being CHAD won't make female exploit their hypergamous nature.

The thread was back in 2019-20 I dont know that nigger name but One point he stated that IF you were Chadlite vs Chad , Girls would choose lite because the fact that he is not at threshold that he can cheat them easily and can get away with it

Meanwhile , wHomAn even envy CHAD because of the fact that he can pump n dump them any day.

This ain’t about just looks bro, it’s about life and how you are born.

I’ve been born with a weird mind, subhuman and short.

My mom saw me trying to kill my self at 15 by jumping out of our window. She didn’t call anyone but she told me i was crazy and that nothing would fix me. I was fat and ugly at that time and she told me k was perfect how i was.

Grew up and now i look good and she hates me, she even said how i was a fat incels and she talked to my doctor for help because i wouldn’t leave the house.

She then told me that she hates me and i ruined her life.

 

[anoncell]

What age r u

 

[tervile1]

This ain’t about just looks bro, it’s about life and how you are born.

I’ve been born with a weird mind, subhuman and short.

My mom saw me trying to kill my self at 15 by jumping out of our window. She didn’t call anyone but she told me i was crazy and that nothing would fix me. I was fat and ugly at that time and she told me k was perfect how i was.

Grew up and now i look good and she hates me, she even said how i was a fat incels and she talked to my doctor for help because i wouldn’t leave the house.

She then told me that she hates me and i ruined her life.Sorr

Sorry to hear and say this that im Definately sure your MUM was pump and dumped by none other but CHAD I have seen plenty of wHomAn who were so nice before reltship and got turned complete asshole after one boy they failed to get over

 

[Zonar]

Read every single molecule bhai. Honestly, I can relate you as I am planning to rope as well in the future

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Read every single molecule bhai. Honestly, I can relate you as I am planning to rope as well in the future

I’m not happy at all that you relate, i would wish this to anyone.

Atleast your family talks to you right?

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Sorry to hear and say this that im Definately sure your MUM was pump and dumped by none other but CHAD I have seen plenty of wHomAn who were so nice before reltship and got turned complete asshole after one boy they failed to get over

Might be, from what i know she has been with only my father since first time (both arabs so it’s tradition).

I belive she’s mentally ill, and she passed it down to me.

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

What age r u

19, 20 next year

 

[tervile1]

Might be, from what i know she has been with only my father since first time (both arabs so it’s tradition).

I belive she’s mentally ill, and she passed it down to me.

Then it's probably bud your Dad is not good in bed most of wHoMeN confess this on r/reddit and I have observed it irl too

 

[DR. NICKGA]

Thanks bhai, will give it a shot one last time in 2024. Other wise it’s a wrap, i’m finishing the show.

Yepp, its time to finish the show, remove the mask aaandd-

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

Then it's probably bud your Dad is not good in bed most of wHoMeN confess this on r/reddit and I have observed it irl too

They probably didn’t have sex since they had me.

They hate each others, they don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore

 

[tervile1]

They probably didn’t have sex since they had me.

They hate each others, they don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore

See I knew it poor sex life is the majority reason of falling marriages

 

[PseudoMaxxer]

See I knew it poor sex life is the majority reason of falling marriages

Really sucks that i’m the one paying the price. What did i do wrong? it’s all their fault

 

[lilxder2]

I’m tired of living for something that doesn’t manifest in front of me and just tells me he is here with me.

I’m alone rn, i feel it. No one is here. Why can’t he just tell me he’s here with me?

You are not alone, your spirit is connected with everything at the same time.
I know it sounds cliche but its all in your head, literally.
All your suffering, pain, loneliness don't have to be part of you if you don't want to.
Try the whitepill, combine degeneracy with spirituality. Literally study forbidden esoteric knowledge, even the surfaced level shit will help you get out of this misery.
Try Reality Transsurfing by Vadim Zeland, that's what helped me

 

[tervile1]

Really sucks that i’m the one paying the price. What did i do wrong? it’s all their fault

escape the Matrix nigga Moneymaxx TBH if we fail to ascend moneymaxx is still the best imagine there would be ww3 but if you got rescources you can easily migrate to a country with better conditions moneymaxx is the single most improtant thing

 

[Deleted member 4397]

Most of us here weren’t supposed to be born

life begins after u die

im just planning my heightmaxxing stack for next reincarnation

 

[Clown Show]

 

[Deleted member 21345]

Genuinely read this and will effortpost

You're right that "ascending" won't do shit to heal the abused dog pain and You're actually on the right track

I realized this, that things wouldn't "get better" as normies say but it became the catalyst for my freedom

I had an intense bout of existential dread over the past month, and I realized the only thing I can do atp is stop giving a fuck, stop taking myself seriously and start seeing life basically as a big joke. Now I'm at peace

I recently read the book Stephen Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse, which is about an abused dog(or wolf) who goes on a journey of self discovery, long story short he ends up losing his oneitis and everything he does fails. End of the book he's back at the same place he started with nothing to show but self discovery. Alot of people hate it. Why read a book about a guy that doesn't accomplish anything concrete. But why live a life like that? The only way to go forward for us is finding some meaning in marching our journeys to the end even if there's no event horizon where we find healing(there isn't)

This isn't inspirational or uplifting but it's worked for me. And as a fellow abused dog. I hope you find some value in this

 

[Loveland]

I hope you make it out of this rut bro

 

[funkyflamingo]

Sound track to the thread


I can’t understand how people manage to talk to another person for whole days.

I usually don’t talk at all, you might not understand so let me say it again:
I go days without opening my mouth, not talking to anyone.
I actually thought that liking a girl and messaging her would help, but even tho i haven’t experienced it other than with girls on dating apps, i really get bored quickly of them.

The moment i jerk off, i stop checking messages at all. That says a lot about me and made me understand one crucial factor about my self:
I don’t care about social connections or love, my body just feels the need to release cum every now and then to feel complete.

I always knew it, my mom always told me i was an heartless monster, and so my friends i used to have.

I’m actually just a heartless demon, i don’t care about my family neither. If they were to die tomorrow i would shake it off after a couple of minutes to plan my next move to survive on my own.

I’m pretty sure this has been due to my upbringing: i’ve been bullied for my skin color and ethnicity since i was 5 years old. I needed to put up fights to defend my self, and that only made it seem worse to my teachers since they already thought I was aggressive because of me being arab.

I’ve always been alone since i was born, i was born because my brother wanted a brother. My mom and dad didn’t actually want me as they were planning on having only 1 child. That’s probably why i’m ignored and hated rn.

I hate them too, i don’t like them at all.
They made it always seem like i deserved to be bullied by them, that i deserved to be treated like shit.

One crucial event was my first love i had at the young age of 12.

She brutally rejected me for being short and fat.

My best friend at that time told me he was gonna help me, until i found out he was trying to hook up with her the whole time.

That left a scar so deep into my heart that i genuinely felt less love for everyone, then i got rejected another time, and another time again, and another, and another….

They left nothing into me, i’m just an empty shell of the human i was.

I have nothing left to live for realistically.

I cope by thinking that i’ll ascend and make money to make everyone and my family regret abandoning me.
In reality, no one will care. My family will probably leave me be and the girls and fake friends i used to have will have found their true love by then and they won’t even remember who i was.

I’m pushing through 1 last year of my life, 2024 will be the end of it all finally.

I tried so hard until now, i lost 20kg of weight and went from fat to shredded.
I became more intelligent and read a lot of books, i trained and became stronger mentally and physically.
I endured the pain of rejection and approached girls and became more NT and less inhibited, after the covid raped my inhibition and NTness.

I went from no one, to no one.

People still look at me but they see nothing behind my eyes. Those black deep eyes, a girl once told me it was like i wasn’t looking at her while we held eye contact.

“it’s like you are looking past me, at something else”

Idk what these eyes can actually see, but what i see is nothingness.

I will never have a kid, and if i will, that means i’ll be the most ruthless monster ever.
I don’t want anyone else to feel what i feel.

You guys always laugh at me for being 24/7 online, while this is the only place i can talk even tho my mouth is still closed.

I’m truly alone, and connections and people only fade away after a matter of time and they don’t matter.

I hope i’ll speak to god once i’ll die, i want to ask him why did he want me to live this way.
Why didn’t he help me when i needed it.

I can’t cry anymore, nothing is left in me other than hate for this world.

Why did i turn this way, that’s what i’m wondering. I just wanted to be an astronaut when i was a kid, and go to the moon and explore space.

While now i just wanna hang from a cord lifeless.

Thanks for reading, this was just some venting. It’ll be here once i’ll do the deed.

Pseudo.

sounds like you are suffering from living online syndrome you should unironically go outside and btw you wont find "the one" or a good women on dating apps because they wont even download things like that, suggest you go to cafes and public places to find it

 

[whiteislandpill]

Sound track to the thread


I can’t understand how people manage to talk to another person for whole days.

I usually don’t talk at all, you might not understand so let me say it again:
I go days without opening my mouth, not talking to anyone.
I actually thought that liking a girl and messaging her would help, but even tho i haven’t experienced it other than with girls on dating apps, i really get bored quickly of them.

The moment i jerk off, i stop checking messages at all. That says a lot about me and made me understand one crucial factor about my self:
I don’t care about social connections or love, my body just feels the need to release cum every now and then to feel complete.

I always knew it, my mom always told me i was an heartless monster, and so my friends i used to have.

I’m actually just a heartless demon, i don’t care about my family neither. If they were to die tomorrow i would shake it off after a couple of minutes to plan my next move to survive on my own.

I’m pretty sure this has been due to my upbringing: i’ve been bullied for my skin color and ethnicity since i was 5 years old. I needed to put up fights to defend my self, and that only made it seem worse to my teachers since they already thought I was aggressive because of me being arab.

I’ve always been alone since i was born, i was born because my brother wanted a brother. My mom and dad didn’t actually want me as they were planning on having only 1 child. That’s probably why i’m ignored and hated rn.

I hate them too, i don’t like them at all.
They made it always seem like i deserved to be bullied by them, that i deserved to be treated like shit.

One crucial event was my first love i had at the young age of 12.

She brutally rejected me for being short and fat.

My best friend at that time told me he was gonna help me, until i found out he was trying to hook up with her the whole time.

That left a scar so deep into my heart that i genuinely felt less love for everyone, then i got rejected another time, and another time again, and another, and another….

They left nothing into me, i’m just an empty shell of the human i was.

I have nothing left to live for realistically.

I cope by thinking that i’ll ascend and make money to make everyone and my family regret abandoning me.
In reality, no one will care. My family will probably leave me be and the girls and fake friends i used to have will have found their true love by then and they won’t even remember who i was.

I’m pushing through 1 last year of my life, 2024 will be the end of it all finally.

I tried so hard until now, i lost 20kg of weight and went from fat to shredded.
I became more intelligent and read a lot of books, i trained and became stronger mentally and physically.
I endured the pain of rejection and approached girls and became more NT and less inhibited, after the covid raped my inhibition and NTness.

I went from no one, to no one.

People still look at me but they see nothing behind my eyes. Those black deep eyes, a girl once told me it was like i wasn’t looking at her while we held eye contact.

“it’s like you are looking past me, at something else”

Idk what these eyes can actually see, but what i see is nothingness.

I will never have a kid, and if i will, that means i’ll be the most ruthless monster ever.
I don’t want anyone else to feel what i feel.

You guys always laugh at me for being 24/7 online, while this is the only place i can talk even tho my mouth is still closed.

I’m truly alone, and connections and people only fade away after a matter of time and they don’t matter.

I hope i’ll speak to god once i’ll die, i want to ask him why did he want me to live this way.
Why didn’t he help me when i needed it.

I can’t cry anymore, nothing is left in me other than hate for this world.

Why did i turn this way, that’s what i’m wondering. I just wanted to be an astronaut when i was a kid, and go to the moon and explore space.

While now i just wanna hang from a cord lifeless.

Thanks for reading, this was just some venting. It’ll be here once i’ll do the deed.

Pseudo.

Roping is never the solution

 

[ferfdd]

Sound track to the thread


I can’t understand how people manage to talk to another person for whole days.

I usually don’t talk at all, you might not understand so let me say it again:
I go days without opening my mouth, not talking to anyone.
I actually thought that liking a girl and messaging her would help, but even tho i haven’t experienced it other than with girls on dating apps, i really get bored quickly of them.

The moment i jerk off, i stop checking messages at all. That says a lot about me and made me understand one crucial factor about my self:
I don’t care about social connections or love, my body just feels the need to release cum every now and then to feel complete.

I always knew it, my mom always told me i was an heartless monster, and so my friends i used to have.

I’m actually just a heartless demon, i don’t care about my family neither. If they were to die tomorrow i would shake it off after a couple of minutes to plan my next move to survive on my own.

I’m pretty sure this has been due to my upbringing: i’ve been bullied for my skin color and ethnicity since i was 5 years old. I needed to put up fights to defend my self, and that only made it seem worse to my teachers since they already thought I was aggressive because of me being arab.

I’ve always been alone since i was born, i was born because my brother wanted a brother. My mom and dad didn’t actually want me as they were planning on having only 1 child. That’s probably why i’m ignored and hated rn.

I hate them too, i don’t like them at all.
They made it always seem like i deserved to be bullied by them, that i deserved to be treated like shit.

One crucial event was my first love i had at the young age of 12.

She brutally rejected me for being short and fat.

My best friend at that time told me he was gonna help me, until i found out he was trying to hook up with her the whole time.

That left a scar so deep into my heart that i genuinely felt less love for everyone, then i got rejected another time, and another time again, and another, and another….

They left nothing into me, i’m just an empty shell of the human i was.

I have nothing left to live for realistically.

I cope by thinking that i’ll ascend and make money to make everyone and my family regret abandoning me.
In reality, no one will care. My family will probably leave me be and the girls and fake friends i used to have will have found their true love by then and they won’t even remember who i was.

I’m pushing through 1 last year of my life, 2024 will be the end of it all finally.

I tried so hard until now, i lost 20kg of weight and went from fat to shredded.
I became more intelligent and read a lot of books, i trained and became stronger mentally and physically.
I endured the pain of rejection and approached girls and became more NT and less inhibited, after the covid raped my inhibition and NTness.

I went from no one, to no one.

People still look at me but they see nothing behind my eyes. Those black deep eyes, a girl once told me it was like i wasn’t looking at her while we held eye contact.

“it’s like you are looking past me, at something else”

Idk what these eyes can actually see, but what i see is nothingness.

I will never have a kid, and if i will, that means i’ll be the most ruthless monster ever.
I don’t want anyone else to feel what i feel.

You guys always laugh at me for being 24/7 online, while this is the only place i can talk even tho my mouth is still closed.

I’m truly alone, and connections and people only fade away after a matter of time and they don’t matter.

I hope i’ll speak to god once i’ll die, i want to ask him why did he want me to live this way.
Why didn’t he help me when i needed it.

I can’t cry anymore, nothing is left in me other than hate for this world.

Why did i turn this way, that’s what i’m wondering. I just wanted to be an astronaut when i was a kid, and go to the moon and explore space.

While now i just wanna hang from a cord lifeless.

Thanks for reading, this was just some venting. It’ll be here once i’ll do the deed.

Pseudo.

Same brah